Mom pushing stroller: May I have some of your croissant?
Little girl in stroller: Yeah, but not daddy.
Mom: Oh, you don't want daddy to have any of your croissant?
Little girl: Yeah.
Mom: You want to control who gets to eat your croissant?
Little girl: Yeah.
Mom: You want control of your croissant?
Little girl: …yeah.
Mom: You want croissant power?
Little girl: (silence)
Mom: You want to be Captain croissant?
Little girl: (silence)
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Commodore Croissant
Annoyingly hipster girl: So there’s a fetish party tonight, do you want to go? It’s five bucks.
Annoyingly hipster guy: Oh, I don’t know.
Annoyingly hipster girl: Come on. It will be better than last time, I promise.
–Whole Foods, Houston St
Construction worker #1: I swear, man, it don't matter if you look like Brad fucking Pitt–if you ain't hung, you ain't getting any.
Construction worker #2: (sadly nods)
–43rd & 6th
Girl #1 to friend: You're definitely my number one.
Girl #2: Uh yeah, you're in my top five.
–49th St & 5th Ave
Girl #1: Do you think I'm a loser?
Girl #2: What? No. Why?
Girl #1: I haven't gotten laid in like five months.
Girl #2: There's a guy traveling cross country to fuck you! I don't have that.
Girl #1: You got fucked by a porn star! More than once! And she wants to do it again!
Girl #2: We'll it's not like she's flying cross country just for that.
Girl #1: Have you asked her? She might.
Girl #2: Yeah right, I can't even get my girlfriend to come in from Jersey.
Girl #1: (pause) Ewww. Who wants to be in Jersey.
–Elephant & Castle, West Village
Black guy #1: Lady, don’t sit next to that man, he’s got aids, motherfucker.
Black guy #2: Who you talkin’ bout aids? I went to prison for ten years and I don’t have no aids. Peace, brother.
Black guy #1: I tell you he got aids, motherfucker!
Black guy #2: Peace, brother, peace.
Black guy #1: Aids, motherfucker!
–PATH Train
Tourist #1, pointing to the Met: It looks just like the Louv-rey in Paris.
Tourist #2: Oh my god, that is like the best museum.
–91st & 5th
Tiny gym bunny: I’ve had a really hard past couple of years…
Gym guy: Really?
Tiny gym bunny: Yeah, last year my mom got breast cancer…
Gym guy: Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.
Tiny gym bunny: Yeah, and to top it off, I got fat!
Gym guy: Pardon?
–Crunch Gym, 13th & Broadway
Large drunk tattooed man: So wha’s your story? You in school?
Kid next to him: Yes …
Large drunk tattooed man: Never went to school. Know why? Cuz I’m schizophrenic!
Man’s girlfriend: There you go again, sweetie. [apologetically] He means manic depressive.
Large drunk tattooed man: No, I do not, bitch! I’m schizophrenic!
Man’s girlfriend: Honey, the doctor told you you’re manic depressive.
Large drunk tattooed man: I’m schizophrenic, bitch! I see shit! I hear shit talk to me! I get pills! I don’t take ’em, but I get ’em! I! Am! Schizophrenic!
Man’s girlfriend: I am so tired of this argument …
–G Train
Overheard by: I really WOULDN’T argue such a point
Male student #1: It was like that movie where Reese Witherspoon gets finger-banged on the roller coaster.
Male student #2: Oh, yeah, definitely.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Curious, yet horrified
