Dads

Wednesday One-Liners See the World With Fresh Eyes

Little boy to dad: Does the Statue of Liberty have a claw?

–Battery Park

Little boy to mother: Will you hurry up? You're slower than my aunt Jebediah in the bathtub!

–Clark St, Brooklyn

Four-year-old boy to mother: And then you fed me…from your belly button!

–Old Navy Store

Overheard by: Joyfully Yours

Little boy playing with friend: Buenos dias, reptile!

–Astoria Park

Overheard by: Julie & Zane

Blond six-year-old, looking at father's New Yorker magazine: What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

–Doma Cafe

Seven-year-old with Spiderman backpack: Dad, have I lost my youth?

–1 Train

Little girl with pigtails, running to sit with family: We're going to the dark side!

–Sheep Meadow, Central Park

Most Kids Love Ice Cream and Hate Art; Deal With It

Dad: Wow! Look at all these paintings! Right here in the open, even if it rains. Pretty cool, huh?
Eight-year-old: I want my ice cream. You said I could have ice cream.

–Governors Island

Now Cover Your Eyes While I Disintegrate That Nice Waitress

Little boy: But how do I know you’re not part of the Martian menace?
Dad, deadpan: You don’t.

–110th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Alexandra

What's My Motivation?

Eight-year-old to dad: Give me another acting exercise!
Dad: Try acting not weird.

–46th St b/w 8th & 9th

Overheard by: Serena

We Should Move to the Country. Where I Can Beat You

Seven-year-old boy (spelling everything he says): D-a-d-c-a-n-I-h-a-v-e-a-d-o-g?
Dad: N-o-t-n-o-w.
Seven-year-old boy: Shut yo’ mouth!

–Uptown 6 Train

What's Eating Wednesday One-Liners?

NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just wanted you to know that I left my burrito in your fridge. Yeah, I'll come around next Tuesday to pick it up.

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Julium

Rotund old woman at lesbian hipster cafe: Give me a sesame bagel, pound it down till it's flat, then toast it till it has a nice rich brown coating. And please, a coffee with cream. Make it a nice tan color.

–Paradise Cafe, 8th & 17th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Middle aged dad, yelling while crossing street with sons: I will learn to make Pad Thai!

–Union Square

Girl on phone: But seriously, you give me good food, and there's a pretty good chance I'll have a thing for you.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: molly

Man: You know, when I was 25 all I thought about was spending the night at the Playboy mansion. And now I'm 35, and all I really want to do is eat barbecue.

–Hill Country BBQ

Overheard by: I'm just here for the ribs.

That's What You Said About Chuck E. Cheese's, and Now We're Not Allowed Back!

Little boy: Daddy, I gotta pee!
Dad: Son, we're in Central Park, everywhere is a bathroom.

–Central Park

More or Less, Allowing for Individual Variation

Father: It was the Million Man March. It was a million men marching in the capital for our people.
Son: No girls? No moms?
Father: No girls, just men.
Son: So there was a million penises?
Father (trying to bring it back onto subject): Yes. But it was the Million Man March.
Son: So there were two million balls?
Father: That's not the point.
Son: But everybody had one penis and two balls, right?
Father: Presumably.

–4th St & 125th

Max Finally Comes Out to His Father As Straight

Dad: So, that wasn't so bad was it?
Young son: I guess, but I'd still rather be watching the Jets game.

–Coming out of Wicked, Broadway

Meet the Gallup Poll's Youngest Recruit

Little boy to dad: Do you like Obama?
Dad: Yes, son, I like Obama.
Boy: You like Obama, mom?
Mom: Yes, I like Obama.
Boy: You like Obama?
Sister: I like Obama.
Boy: Hey, people, you like Obama?
Random people: Yes, we do.

–116th St

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