NYU guy: You saw Notorious? How was it?
NYU girl: I didn't even know I was going to a movie, I thought we were going to a concert.
NYU guy: He's dead, you know.
NYU girl: Well, now I know.
–Uptown 6 Train
NYU guy: You saw Notorious? How was it?
NYU girl: I didn't even know I was going to a movie, I thought we were going to a concert.
NYU guy: He's dead, you know.
NYU girl: Well, now I know.
–Uptown 6 Train
Hipster guy: Hey, can you wrap that?
Cashier guy: Sure.
Hipster guy: Do you have any funny wrapping paper that says stuff like “Sorry your dad died” or something?
Cashier guy: Uh…no.
Hipster guy: Oh, damn. Well, do you have anything funny or weird or something?
Cashier guy: Well, we have one with little kids riding big flying books through clouds shaped like cute little animals.
Hipster guy: Yeah, no, I don’t think that will work. I don’t need to wrap it, right?
Cashier guy: Uh…I guess not.
Hipster guy: I just wanted it to be special and funny, and like ironic.
Cashier guy: Well, you can urinate on it. That would be really special and downright hilarious.
Hipster guy: Uh….okay, I’ll get the flying books paper.
–Barnes & Noble, 6th Avenue & 8th Street
Overheard by: m-co
Comic book guy: As soon as I get on the train I felt someone reach over and start mussing my hair. And without even looking up I said to myself, “Yup, that’s Lou”. He was going on the stairs–he was going to transfer for the N–and there were all these people yelling, “Oh my god! Someone got pushed into the tracks!” So he goes, “Well, looks like I’m taking the Q!”
–Midtown Comics (east)
Girlfriend: She was laughing that her grandmother choked to death on a hot dog.
Boyfriend: A what?
Girlfriend: A hot dog.
Boyfriend: What?
Girlfriend: Her grandmother choked to death on a hot dog.
Boyfriend: Is that a euphemism?
–1 Train
Overheard by: Slooop
Boy: Mommy, what will happen if the tram falls into the river?
Mother: We will all die, darling. But I told you not to be afraid of dying!
Boy: But Mommy, I’m only eight! I’m too young to die!
Mother: Well, darling, stuff happens!
–Roosevelt Island tram
Guy: Have you seen Torch?
Girl: Oh, he dead. He fell out a window.
Guy: Ohhhh shit!
–D train
Overheard by: dopepope
Disaffected white woman #1: Stella*'s kid died last week.
Disaffected white woman #2: Oh. Well, it sucks when someone's kid dies before they expect it to… oh, Topshop's having a sale!
–Broome & Broadway
Overheard by: office peon will soon be a Vermonter
Old guy #1: You want to slap me to death!
Old guy #2: No I don't! I'm not that kind of person!
–St. Mark's Place
Student #1: Yo, who cares about the surrender at Yorktown?
Student #2: Actually, that's mad important.
Student #1: Oh, really?
Teacher: Well, if the British hadn't surrendered we'd all (in a British accent) talk like this and sound ridiculous.
Student #1: Um, no, if that had happened I'd probably be in Pakistan, in my village, farming.
Student #2: You'd be dead because the British had control of Pakistan too.
Student #1: And you'd be working a factory in China!
–Stuyvesant High School
Suit lugging huge rolling suitcase to hobo taking up two seats on train: Pardon me.
Hobo (sliding over, looking at huge suitcase): What do you have there, a dog or something?
Suit (with deadpan look on his face, stroking suitcase fondly): I used to. (sighs)
(hobo slowly inches away)
–L Train
Overheard by: Cai
