Wednesday One-Liners Get a Hoboner

Hobo: I am homeless and ashy. Can anyone spare some lotion? I want to go from ashy to classy.

–A Train

Overheard by: SBroto

Hobo: If looks could kill I'd be dead. Kind words don't hurt nobody. I give sandwiches.

–Shuttle to Grand Central

Overheard by: alan b hutscar

Panhandler, holding top hat overflowing with bills: And take your newspapers and personal belongings with you, I got company comin' over tonight!

–4 Train

Overheard by: Anthony LoDuca

Hobo: You think anyone ever went to Harvard and forgot about it?

–Central Park

Hobo, near no tripping hazards or holes: Watch your step! Don't fall! Look where you're going! Don't fall down!

–4th & Broadway

Singing hobo: I'm gonna be on Broadway! You're all invited! I don't care what you look like. Even you! (points to random man)

–1 Train

Posted on June 27, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Broadway Shows, Central Park, Crazy, Death, Food, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Parks, Physical appearance, Questions, School and studying, Singing, Strangers, Street, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

A Burr Under His Saddle

Tourist dad: Look, Alexander Hamilton.
Tourist son: He was young.
Tourist dad: Yeah, wonder what he died of?

–Rector St, by Trinity Graveyard

Overheard by: DTA Officer

Posted on June 24, 2015
Age/Aging, Dads, Death, Default, History & Geography, Kids, Questions, Stupidity, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

That Never Stopped the Beatles from Putting Out Albums

NYU guy: You saw Notorious? How was it?
NYU girl: I didn't even know I was going to a movie, I thought we were going to a concert.
NYU guy: He's dead, you know.
NYU girl: Well, now I know.

–Uptown 6 Train

Posted on June 23, 2015
Death, Frat Boys, Movies, Music, On the Subway, Questions, Sorority Girls

Get to Unironic Unwrapping, New York!

Hipster guy: Hey, can you wrap that?
Cashier guy: Sure.
Hipster guy: Do you have any funny wrapping paper that says stuff like “Sorry your dad died” or something?
Cashier guy: Uh…no.
Hipster guy: Oh, damn. Well, do you have anything funny or weird or something?
Cashier guy: Well, we have one with little kids riding big flying books through clouds shaped like cute little animals.
Hipster guy: Yeah, no, I don’t think that will work. I don’t need to wrap it, right?
Cashier guy: Uh…I guess not.
Hipster guy: I just wanted it to be special and funny, and like ironic.
Cashier guy: Well, you can urinate on it. That would be really special and downright hilarious.
Hipster guy: Uh….okay, I’ll get the flying books paper.

–Barnes & Noble, 6th Avenue & 8th Street

Overheard by: m-co

Posted on June 22, 2015
Advice, Cashiers, Death, Hipsters, Pee, Shopping, Store

Wow, A Real Life Superhero

Comic book guy: As soon as I get on the train I felt someone reach over and start mussing my hair. And without even looking up I said to myself, “Yup, that’s Lou”. He was going on the stairs–he was going to transfer for the N–and there were all these people yelling, “Oh my god! Someone got pushed into the tracks!” So he goes, “Well, looks like I’m taking the Q!”

–Midtown Comics (east)

Posted on June 20, 2015
Death, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nerds, On the Subway

Grandma Saw This at the Drive-in Movie

Girlfriend: She was laughing that her grandmother choked to death on a hot dog.
Boyfriend: A what?
Girlfriend: A hot dog.
Boyfriend: What?
Girlfriend: Her grandmother choked to death on a hot dog.
Boyfriend: Is that a euphemism?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Slooop

Posted on June 19, 2015
Couples, Death, Junk Food & Fast Food, Laughter, On the Subway

Roosevelt Island Operating Company: Not on Our Watch

Boy: Mommy, what will happen if the tram falls into the river?
Mother: We will all die, darling. But I told you not to be afraid of dying!
Boy: But Mommy, I’m only eight! I’m too young to die!
Mother: Well, darling, stuff happens!

–Roosevelt Island tram

Posted on June 16, 2015
Death, Kids, Moms

The Torch Has Been Passed

Guy: Have you seen Torch?
Girl: Oh, he dead. He fell out a window.
Guy: Ohhhh shit!

–D train

Overheard by: dopepope

Posted on June 15, 2015
Death, Friends, Subway stations, platforms, etc.

…Speaking Of the Opposite Of Sucking…

Disaffected white woman #1: Stella*'s kid died last week.
Disaffected white woman #2: Oh. Well, it sucks when someone's kid dies before they expect it to… oh, Topshop's having a sale!

–Broome & Broadway

Overheard by: office peon will soon be a Vermonter

Posted on June 15, 2015
Death, Family Ties, Shopping, Soho, Stupidity, White People, Women

Death

Grandma Saw This at the Drive-in Movie