Girl #1: Didn’t Tupac kill himself?
Girl #2: Ummm, definitely not. He was shot.
Girl #1: Oh. That’s unfortunate.
–Lower East Side
Girl #1: Didn’t Tupac kill himself?
Girl #2: Ummm, definitely not. He was shot.
Girl #1: Oh. That’s unfortunate.
–Lower East Side
Loud angsty teen boy: My life is a tragedy and I’m only in act two!
–LaGuardia High School
Overheard by: He’s no Shakespeare…
Actor: I almost woke up dead this morning. But I don’t have an understudy.
–Gallery Players, Park Slope
Overheard by: Emily B.
Guy: …and grimace could play Mary Magdalene.
–Lincoln Center
Shake Shack patron: It was like Menopause: The musical.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Queer on cell: Honey, if you thought Menopause was funny, you are gonna piss yo pants at The Vagina Monologues!
–Walgreens, Union Square
Flyer guy to girl with Rent shirt: Why you gonna go see Rent? Have you seen it yet? The gay guy dies. Woo!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Minerva
Stagehand: Julliard is a school. It’s not like Spamalot.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Emily B.
Man: So how have you been?
Woman: Oh, it’s been crazy. We just got plowed-into by a tractor-trailer. For the second time. It’s coming toward us and I’m looking at my husband and I’m thinking, ‘He’s going to die right here in front of me — and after all that chemotherapy!’
–Elevator, E 27th St
Overheard by: dr. schadenfreude
Precocious little girl: Mom, that lady is grooming the dog groomer!
Pretentious mom: That makes sense. Do you see how some of the dog show women dress themselves? Would you want to be caught dead in some of their clothes and makeup?
Precocious little girl: No.
–Westminster Dog Show Grooming Area
Overheard by: Wouldn't Be Caught Dead Either
Dude: I mean, you don’t have to completely fall apart once your child dies.
Chick: Yeah, seriously.
–Prince St
Overheard by: Aniela
Woman: Honey, how about McDonald's? You want some chicken nuggets?
Toddler in a stroller: I'd rather die.
–JFK Airport
Overheard by: Darcie
(teen #1 presses the 26th floor button. Teen #2 presses 21-25th floors for fun)
Teen #1: Dude, what the hell did you do that for?! You're an idiot, I hope you fall off my roof and die!
(pause)
Teen #3, seriously: Can we unpress it?
–Elevator, Bay Ridge
FDNY lieutenant to EMTs: Hey, get this! Some guy just called 911 because some guy looked scary!
–34th & 10th
Overheard by: guy in back of ambulance
Gay guy to another: I'm terrified of successful women!
–23rd & Park Ave
Overheard by: Moy
(guy with drums finishes a performance in the train)
Guy with drums: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for listening. Help a brother out and donate some money if you enjoyed this performance. (lady in front of him looks scared)
Please donate and if you don't know what to do or are scared, smile and nod. Everything will be okay.
–E Train
Overheard by: Sleepy
Crazy bag lady to high school boy: I ain't scared of you. I'll beat you with a crowbar. Cuz I gotta crowbar in my pussy and it's way up there!
–B54 Bus
Suit on cell: And I was scared, right? Because her legs were open in the cemetery.
–Gramercy Park
Professor: Apologies to everyone in advance, I seem to have the plague this week.
Student: Are you contagiously ill, or have you been on antibiotics for at least twenty-four hours?
Professor: No, not contagiously ill. It's nothing like H1N1 or anything, not that kind of plague. It's more of a the-crops-are-failing-and-women-are-giving-birth-to-stillborn-babies type of plague. Yeah.
–Fordham University Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Admiring Student
Boy #1: I have to tell you and you have to believe me. Somebody died for you, do you know who that was?
Boy #2: Abraham Lincoln?
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: Mike & Cindy Winslow
