Un Film de Wednesday One-Liners

Russian guy on cell: I went to see Saw III. Best movie ever — the girl in front of me fainted in the beginning of the movie! Five minutes into the movie she just fainted, and her boyfriend started calling for help. I called an ambulance, they took her away… That movie was awesome!

–Brooklyn-bound Q train

Overenthusiastic male student: Oh! I met Borat! He goes to NYU, right?

–Hunter College

Guy to everyone in theater: Shhh, I’m recording this!

–Movie theater, Court St, Brooklyn

Blonde: Yeah, so I watch Brokeback Mountain like it’s my Bible. I hang on every word, ’cause I really want to know how gay people talk.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Stina

Guy on cell: 28 Days was just stupid. Zombies aren’t like that. Dawn of the Dead is the most realistic portrayal of zombies I’ve ever seen!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Philip Niosi

Chick to hipsters: I did my first autopsy to The Wizard of Oz.

–The Village, near Mulberry

Overheard by: DC Diva

Posted on February 21, 2007
About Celebrities, Actors, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Celebrities, College, Death, Film, Foreigners, Gays and Lesbians, Grand Central, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Hunter, Movie Theaters, Movies, NYU, On Cell, Pop Culture, Queers, Students, The Village, Times Square, Vampires, Ghouls, and Ghosts, oh my!

And the Tobacco Industry Comped Her with a Lifetime of Free Cigarettes

Feeble old man: I can’t believe she’s still smoking…
Bossy old lady: Of course she’s still smoking! She saw her husband die!

–Union Square

Overheard by: chicken fat

Posted on February 10, 2007
Death, Health and Hygiene, Old People, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Love Juicy

JAP: I have nothing against Australians or anything — I even made out with a few the other night — but I am not going to Outback.

–Spring St

Overheard by: Jason

JAP on cell: And I was like, ‘Have you been in the new building yet?’ And he was like, ‘I know, it’s a maze.’ And I was like, ‘Oh my god, you Abreve, too?!’ And he was like, ‘Um, no… I mean, like, a… maze.’

–Bryant Park

JAP to chihuahua trying to pee on sidewalk: Focus! Focus!

–79th & Broadway

Overheard by: Lisa

20-something JAP on cell: Did you call Dr. Stein* for me? Why not?! … But I don’t want to call him! Why can’t you just call him for me? I’m not calling him! … But my asshole is still bleeding!

–Duane Reade, Chambers & Broadway

JAP on cell: So, I met up with him, and he asked me if I was anorexic! I was like, ‘No, but thanks for noticing!’ He got all mad, though. I think his sister died of anorexia or something. Whatever, at least I know I look great.

–88th & Park

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on February 7, 2007
Ass, Blood & bleeding, Death, Diet/Weight, Foreigners, JAPs, Man's Best Friend, Stupidity, Wednesday One-Liners, Words

Leopold: You Just Don’t Get Me the Way Loeb Does

Hipster guy: So, in two days it’s going to be Friday the 13th. Let’s go kill someone!
Hipster chick: What?!
Hipster guy: Seriously, let’s go kill a hobo or something. Nobody would care!

–NYU Silver Center

Posted on February 5, 2007
Death, Hipsters, Hobos, Homeless, Murder, NYU

Regardless, It’s a Great Country Western Song

Woman #1: Wait… So what happened to her?
Woman #2: Well, first she got pregnant, then she got divorced, and then she died.
Woman #1: Oh… Really?
Woman #2: I think…

–Union Square

Posted on January 28, 2007
Death, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Union Square and East Village, Women

And Our Black Market Yield Will More Than Make Up for That

Scene girl: I don’t understand why your mother doesn’t like me…
Scene boyfriend: You stole my grandmother’s medication.
Scene girl: She’ll be dead in a week. Chill out.

–Central Park

Posted on January 28, 2007
Central Park, Death, Girlfriends, Thievery

This Is New York: You Can Have Both

Teen thug #1: Would you rather die from being hit by the train or eaten by rats?
Teen thug #2: Definitely the rats!

–A train

Posted on January 12, 2007
Death, On the Subway, Only in New York, Teens, Thugs

Help Me File off This Serial Number

Working girl #1: I love your ring. Where’d you get it?
Working girl #2: It’s my grandma’s. We just found her will.
Working girl #1: Wait, oh my god, when did your grandmother die?
Working girl #2: She hasn’t, yet.

–4/5/6 train, Wall St station

Posted on December 28, 2006
Death, Family Ties, On the Subway

And He Never Worried Much about How Jewish He Was

Middle school girl #1: Jesus is Jewish!
Middle school boy: No, he isn’t.
Middle school girl #1: Yes, he is!
Middle school girl #2: Of course, he’s not Jewish anymore — he’s dead.

–Rego Park

Overheard by: josh

Posted on December 17, 2006
Death, Jesus, Judaism, Queens, Students

Better-Off Wednesday One-Liners

Irate quasi-thug on cell: Do you value your life? Do you want to die? No, I ain’t threatenin’ you. You can’t play with a man’s emotions like that. No. Do you want to die? I’m just asking… Do you want to die? I– [second party hangs up].

–Metro-North

Overheard by: Mikey G

Crazy crackhead: I am not your average crackhead — I will kill you!

–Lenox & 118th

Lady: And the rest are buried in the… front lawn.

–Columbus Park

Overheard by: Bitch that shit ain’t right!

Puerto Rican guy: I don’t have to! The only thing I have to do is be Puerto Rican and die, because you know I don’t pay taxes!

–R train

Irish construction worker: I’m telling you, she had a clit like a dead turkey’s neck.

–LIRR to Huntington

Overheard by: Laffer

Checkout lady: If anyone tries to get in line behind you, kill ’em.

–Costco, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Nerd to another: It’s better to just fake your own death and live your life on an island somewhere.

–Broadway & Duane

Overheard by: Ronzoni

Posted on December 6, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Death, Threats, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Death

And He Never Worried Much about How Jewish He Was