Hipster guy: So, in two days it’s going to be Friday the 13th. Let’s go kill someone!
Hipster chick: What?!
Hipster guy: Seriously, let’s go kill a hobo or something. Nobody would care!
–NYU Silver Center
Hipster guy: So, in two days it’s going to be Friday the 13th. Let’s go kill someone!
Hipster chick: What?!
Hipster guy: Seriously, let’s go kill a hobo or something. Nobody would care!
–NYU Silver Center
Woman #1: Wait… So what happened to her?
Woman #2: Well, first she got pregnant, then she got divorced, and then she died.
Woman #1: Oh… Really?
Woman #2: I think…
–Union Square
Scene girl: I don’t understand why your mother doesn’t like me…
Scene boyfriend: You stole my grandmother’s medication.
Scene girl: She’ll be dead in a week. Chill out.
–Central Park
Teen thug #1: Would you rather die from being hit by the train or eaten by rats?
Teen thug #2: Definitely the rats!
–A train
Working girl #1: I love your ring. Where’d you get it?
Working girl #2: It’s my grandma’s. We just found her will.
Working girl #1: Wait, oh my god, when did your grandmother die?
Working girl #2: She hasn’t, yet.
–4/5/6 train, Wall St station
Middle school girl #1: Jesus is Jewish!
Middle school boy: No, he isn’t.
Middle school girl #1: Yes, he is!
Middle school girl #2: Of course, he’s not Jewish anymore — he’s dead.
–Rego Park
Overheard by: josh
Irate quasi-thug on cell: Do you value your life? Do you want to die? No, I ain’t threatenin’ you. You can’t play with a man’s emotions like that. No. Do you want to die? I’m just asking… Do you want to die? I– [second party hangs up].
–Metro-North
Overheard by: Mikey G
Crazy crackhead: I am not your average crackhead — I will kill you!
–Lenox & 118th
Lady: And the rest are buried in the… front lawn.
–Columbus Park
Overheard by: Bitch that shit ain’t right!
Puerto Rican guy: I don’t have to! The only thing I have to do is be Puerto Rican and die, because you know I don’t pay taxes!
–R train
Irish construction worker: I’m telling you, she had a clit like a dead turkey’s neck.
–LIRR to Huntington
Overheard by: Laffer
Checkout lady: If anyone tries to get in line behind you, kill ’em.
–Costco, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Nerd to another: It’s better to just fake your own death and live your life on an island somewhere.
–Broadway & Duane
Overheard by: Ronzoni
Kindergarten girl #1: Wow! Look at all those big trophies!
Kindergarten girl #2: Those ain’t trophies. There’s dead people there. Yeah, you know — you go to church, you pray, and they put the dead person in the box, and they put the box in there. Don’t you go to church?
–On school bus passing a cemetery, Queens
Student: I don’t know why, but I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and maybe you could, like, help me out and clear this up or whatever. So, what about death and stuff?
Philosophy professor: That’s a great segue…
–NYU
Ghetto cashier #1: Hey! Let me read the horoscope!
Ghetto cashier #2, reading The Daily News: The horoscope says it’s going to rain today and be really cold.
Old man: And that it’s a good day to die.
–Grocery store check-out, W 148th & St. Nick
