Girl: I never read Ragtime.
Guy: Really? I enjoyed it very much.
Girl: Well, I tried to read it, but my older sister saw me with it and freaked. She took it away and was all “There are Eskimos masturbating in this!”
Guy: Well, they need to have fun too, you know.
–Stuyvesant High School
Asian guy to girlfriend: That’s the best part about being in a relationship.
White girlfriend: Sandwiches?
Asian guy: Always having an extra pair of hands.
–49th St Station
Overheard by: missalicious
Boy at German bar: There’s too many Germans in Pittsburgh.
Girl at German bar: That’s why there aren’t any Jews!
–6th & D
Polite Japanese tourist: Excuse me, please. Can you give direction to Empire State Building?
Angry old man: Hell, no. It’s not like you people needed goddam directions to get to Pearl Harbor.
–Broadway
Overheard by: He’s sorta right
Woman: I don’t think you’re supposed to eat things that are inflamed.
Man (with wide-eyed horror): It was… inflamed?
–Starbucks, Times Square
Professor: As you all know, IQ is 80% inherited.
Front row student, blurting: Oh shit, no wonder.
–NYU
Girl #1: So did Michelle* go out with Tom* yet?
Girl #2: She’s not Asian.
–Times Square
(in line outside a bar)
Scantily clad chick #1: Ugh, I’m such a chubby Jew!
Scantily clad chick #2: No you’re not, you’re like, so pretty, and you don’t even wear makeup. I’m a chubby Jew!
–Rivington b/w Essex & Norfolk
Overheard by: Harrison
(After the recent spate of terrorist attacks the TSA decided to stop allowing liquids past the security gate)
TSA agent: I’m sorry, miss. You can’t bring coffee past the security checkpoint.
Lady in a hurry: It’s okay, it’s tea.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: John M.
Tall Hispanic girl: Yeah, we talk in class a lot, Jen*’s a really nice girl!
Short Hispanic girl: Oh, I know, she has breast cancer!
–Woodhaven Boulevald, Queens
Overheard by: Lizzie
