Tiny hipster girl: So how’s the kneecap?
Hipster guy: Fuckin’ swollen.
Tiny hipster girl: Fuck yeah!
Hipster guy: Yeah. But I’m getting an elephant head tattooed next to my cock!
–Europa, Williamsburg
Overheard by: kneecaps are a real bitch
Tiny hipster girl: So how’s the kneecap?
Hipster guy: Fuckin’ swollen.
Tiny hipster girl: Fuck yeah!
Hipster guy: Yeah. But I’m getting an elephant head tattooed next to my cock!
–Europa, Williamsburg
Overheard by: kneecaps are a real bitch
Teenage boy: I just realized I have not gotten laid, thus far in life.
Girl: When’d you come up with that?
–E 18th St & Ave J
Suit #1: What are you doing this weekend?
Suit #2: I think I'm going to go jet skiing. Wanna go jet skiing?
Suit #1: Yeah sure, I'll go.
Suit #2 (answers phone): Yeah, I'm going jet skiing this weekend. Do you wanna come? Yeah, I'm going with Steve*. (pause) No, three dudes on a jet ski isn't gay. (turns to friend) Is it?
Suit #1: Two dudes is questionable, but three is definitely gay.
–Broome Street Bar
Math professor: This weekend I saw an exhibit at the Staten Island Zoo about dinosaurs.
Blonde bimbette: You mean with real dinosaurs?
–College of Staten Island
Little kid, holding out french fry: Patata!
Hick woman: Patoota? What's that?
Hick man: Little kids' word.
–Belgian Beer Bar, 75th & 2nd
Overheard by: Even my Spanish isn't that bad
Pissed dude on train: You know, it'd be a lot harder for people to hold the doors if they were razor sharp.
Friend: That's not funny.
Pissed dude: I'm just saying people might hold the doors less if were going to lose a limb every time.
–F Train
Old lady: You spelled “candle” wrong.
Employee: What?
Old lady: You spelled “candle” wrong on one of your signs. Give me a piece of paper and I’ll fix it for you.
Employee: It’s okay.
Old lady (getting extremely angry): No, it is not okay. This is inappropriate and you need to fix it.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: just buying some shampoo
Normal guy: So, you know this guy was unarmed…
Crazy beard guy: Sure.
Normal guy: Well, needless to say, people died that night. That’s all I’m sayin’.
–12th & 1st
Overheard by: Heather
Girl, after seeing an ad for “escape from chimp eden”: Oh, I want a monkey! I’ve always wanted a monkey!
Friend: Like, as a pet?
Girl: … Or a homie.
–133rd St & Frederick Douglass Blvd
Overheard by: Nathalie
Girlfriend: The last thing on the list is pantyhose.
Boyfriend: Pantyhose? I didn't know you wore pantyhose.
Girlfriend: I don't in the summer, because summer is the time to be free and relaxed, but now it's cold and I need to keep warm.
Boyfriend: If you are so free and relaxed in the summer, why are we having sex more now?
Girlfriend: Because now it's cold and I need to keep warm.
–Duane Reade
