Society woman #1: I had no idea she had fallen so far.
Society woman #2: I swear! Not one, not two, but three Ho Hos! And so I said, ‘But this is only lunch!’
–52nd & 5th
Society woman #1: I had no idea she had fallen so far.
Society woman #2: I swear! Not one, not two, but three Ho Hos! And so I said, ‘But this is only lunch!’
–52nd & 5th
Girl: Last time you told me something was overrated I got pregnant.
–Sephora, Broadway
Overheard by: linzz
Guy: … So then she changed her middle name to something like "Afterbirth…"
–Spring St
Overheard by: boston bobby
College guy on cell: He was like, ‘Shit, she’s got a bun in the oven!’ And I was like, ‘Oh, shit!’
–Columbia University
Overheard by: roo
Chick: She said he talked to her on the phone and that’s how he got her pregnant.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: Wondering how that works
Preggers: I’m gonna across this street against the light, pregnant and all, and I’m not gonna have a miscarriage.
–Eastern Pkwy & Classon Ave, Crown Heights, Brooklyn
Employee to another: I only gained two pounds during my pregnancy, and I’m on my seventh month!
–Burger King, 5th Ave, between 36th & 37th
Overheard by: EE Grimshaw
NYU girl on cell: … So then the doctor comes in and he goes, ‘Houston, we have a problem…" I know, right? What’s with doctors trying to be all funny when they’re telling you that you’re pregnant?
–NYU bus
Overheard by: tj
Brunette: Tyra Banks isn’t fat, she just isn’t anorexic like other supermodels.
Blonde: If you’re not anorexic, you’re fat.
Hobo: Amen to that, sister!
–86th & Lex
Overheard by: Charlie
White teen: You’ve got a fat ass.
Black teen: Well, your ass has a stupid, scrawny bitch stuck to it.
–Times Square
Twig #1: I was feeling like a fatty, so I just ate a hard-boiled egg with some flaxseed this morning.
Twig #2: No, I’m a fatty! Was it ground flaxseed?
Twig #1: Of course!
Twig #2: Good girl!
–Starbucks, 114th & Broadway
Chick: … And I’ve been so tired.
Dude: Maybe you should eat more.
Chick: Well, I have been drinking water.
–Post office, 52nd St
Overheard by: what what
Girl #1: Every time we go out she’s all like, ‘I need a boyfriend sooo bad!’ And all she does is bitch about how she doesn’t have a boyfriend. Well, it’s like, ‘Of course you don’t have a boyfriend — maybe if your blubber didn’t hang down over your jeans some guy would want you.’ No guy wants to mount a beached whale… Well, unless they’re into that kind of thing…
Girl #2: I know the perfect guy.
Girl #1: I bet he’s real hot.
–Columbia University
Woman on cell: Well, we have a large problem — his thing is very small…
–Outside Papaya Dog, W 4th
Overheard by: notrob
Professor: So, you have all seen large penises and small penises, but you never see a fatty penis! [Class laughs.] Is that a ‘Yes, that is true’ laugh, or what?
–Columbia University Med Center
Female theater-goer: His penis would have been normal-sized if he was five-foot-six. As it was, everything was out of proportion.
–Golden Theater
Overheard by: Colleen
Drunk man with imaginary cup: Excuse me, sorry for doing this — I’m not shy, I just have a small penis, and I’d really appreciate some money for a penis enlargement surgery. And if not money, then a sandwich. A BLT or a larger cock. Thank you. I just want a larger cock.
–2 train
Overheard by: Man with the big penis
Lady: Do I look fat in this dress?
Bystander: Yeah, you do. What? We were all thinking it!
–71 Continental Ave station
Overheard by: Kirby J
Queer: If I just go home and not to the gym tonight, I’ll just get fatter.
Fag hag: I thought you said you don’t have any food at your apartment.
Queer: Regardless — fat will find a way.
–E 59th & 5th
Overheard by: Joel
