Conductor over loudspeaker: Our next stop will be New York Penn Station, please make sure you have all your personal belongings when leaving this train… And for all you football fans out there, Giants just fucking won! Everyone can put their feet on the seats, we’re celebratin’ tonight!
Passengers: Yeah!
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Young guy, trying to allow older woman to get in line first: Ladies first.
Old woman: I'm not a lady.
Young guy: Oh.
–Office, 54th & 6th
Overheard by: Biscuit-lover
Girl #1: I mean, when you think about it, he’s really not that good looking, and kind of an asshole. I don’t even know why I’m so attracted to him.
Girl #2: Because he’s here…and you’re you.
–Starbucks, 45th & Lexington
Overheard by: Anne O.
Guy #1: Please sit down!
Girl: No, it’s okay.
Guy #1: No, I insist, please sit.
Girl: Really, I feel bad. I can’t take your seat.
Guy #1: Please sit.
Guy #2: Would you just shut the heck up and sit down already, God!
–R train
Overheard by: Margot Mainers
[Twenty something chick stops in the middle of the store and looks around.]Twenty something dude, who is obviously brother of twenty something chick: What? What are you looking for?
Twenty something chick: The condoms.
–Duane Reade, Penn Station
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Woman: This is my favorite part…of the worst song ever.
–MTV Studios, Times Square
Man on cell: No, it is not like the time I farted at Target and blamed in on that old woman!
–22nd & Park
Overheard by: Bill Ray
Drunken yuppie guy: I want my Subway sandwich! I want my Subway sandwich! Tuna and onions! Yeah, you heard me. Girls love big cocks. Girls love big cocks! These girls know. I’m on…I’m on Comedy Central! I’m a redneck on Comedy Central! My name is Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! I’m from Texas where girls suck cock for a dime!
–32nd & 2nd
Woman: Did you hear Cooter wouldn’t endorse that remake?
–7 train
Overheard by: Todd Horan
Guy: God, I feel like I’m trapped in a fucking Hallmark Card.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Shoshana
Latina: …and he looks evil and the Princess is saying to him, “You are a good person” and he looks so evil and then she is with Obi King Wasabi and he said he is on the dark side and then the shorty guy–what is his name?–Yoga said, “He is on the dark side” and then Dark Wader he is with the cape and looks all angry and evil reminded me of me on Mondays.
–58th & Lexington
Overheard by: Brandy Rowell
Woman buying bagel: Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. I guess you’re not sleeping with my roommate anymore.
Bagel cashier: Hey! How have you been?
–Flatbush Ave
Creepy hobo: May you reach your destination in safety.
Hoochie: Scuse me?
Creepy hobo: May you reach your destination in safety.
Hoochie, cheerily: Thank you, sweetie!
–Outside Pacific Street Station
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
40-something woman: Oh, I'm sorry.
Young dude: That's okay, but you just hit my crotch.
40-something woman: Well, did you at least enjoy it?
Young dude: Heh-heh, not really.
–L Train
Guy #1: You’re the first person I’ve seen that washed their hands before going to the toilet.
Guy #2: My godfather was a doctor and he got it into my head at a young enough age that I had to always do it.
Guy #1: Really? He must have been a bit of a strange doctor.
Guy #2: Yeah…He specialized in infectious diseases.
–Milk and Honey bathroom, Eldridge Street
