REM Wednesday One-Liners

Woman: Oh, I just phoned him at five a.m. to tell him that I accidentally set the alarm clock at six a.m., so that he wouldn’t be woken up by it.

–14th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: muffin

Man on cell: So you woke up and she was gone?! Sweet!

–95 Wall St

Overheard by: Samantha

Boriqua woman: My two-year-old refuses to understand the concept of ‘Shut the fuck up and go to sleep.’

–McDonald’s, Union Square

Overheard by: drew roddy

Two women singing: He knows when you’ve been sleeping, he knows when you’re awake; Santa Claus is stalkin’ ya, lock your doors for goodness sakes!

–Crowded 6 train

Overheard by: Ltrainer

Posted on April 2, 2015
Etiquette, Kids, Moms, On Cell

If Only Israelis and Palestinians Had a Common Football Team to Get Behind

Conductor over loudspeaker: Our next stop will be New York Penn Station, please make sure you have all your personal belongings when leaving this train… And for all you football fans out there, Giants just fucking won! Everyone can put their feet on the seats, we’re celebratin’ tonight!
Passengers: Yeah!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Posted on April 1, 2015
Celebrations/Parties, Conductors, Default, Etiquette, Happiness, Men, Sports, Strangers, Trains Not Subway, Women

Then Me First, Bitch

Young guy, trying to allow older woman to get in line first: Ladies first.
Old woman: I'm not a lady.
Young guy: Oh.

–Office, 54th & 6th

Overheard by: Biscuit-lover

Posted on March 31, 2015
Compare/Contrast, Default, Etiquette, Gender issues, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Office, Old People, Women

He Gives Great Presence

Girl #1: I mean, when you think about it, he’s really not that good looking, and kind of an asshole. I don’t even know why I’m so attracted to him.
Girl #2: Because he’s here…and you’re you.

–Starbucks, 45th & Lexington

Overheard by: Anne O.

Posted on March 26, 2015
Etiquette, Fashion, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, People, Relationships, Sex & Relationships

Totally Said in a Napoleon Dynamite Voice

Guy #1: Please sit down!
Girl: No, it’s okay.
Guy #1: No, I insist, please sit.
Girl: Really, I feel bad. I can’t take your seat.
Guy #1: Please sit.
Guy #2: Would you just shut the heck up and sit down already, God!

–R train

Overheard by: Margot Mainers

Posted on March 26, 2015
Etiquette, Girls, Guys, On the Subway, Public Transportation

…It’s Extra-large, Right? I Don’t Want To Get Your Herpes.

[Twenty something chick stops in the middle of the store and looks around.]Twenty something dude, who is obviously brother of twenty something chick: What? What are you looking for?
Twenty something chick: The condoms.

–Duane Reade, Penn Station

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on March 25, 2015
Brothers, Condoms, Default, Duane Reade, Etiquette, Penn Station, Questions, Shopping, Sisters, Wishes & desires

We’re Considering Branding Wednesday One-liners

Woman: This is my favorite part…of the worst song ever.

–MTV Studios, Times Square

Man on cell: No, it is not like the time I farted at Target and blamed in on that old woman!

–22nd & Park

Overheard by: Bill Ray

Drunken yuppie guy: I want my Subway sandwich! I want my Subway sandwich! Tuna and onions! Yeah, you heard me. Girls love big cocks. Girls love big cocks! These girls know. I’m on…I’m on Comedy Central! I’m a redneck on Comedy Central! My name is Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! Heywood Jablowme! I’m from Texas where girls suck cock for a dime!

–32nd & 2nd

Woman: Did you hear Cooter wouldn’t endorse that remake?

–7 train

Overheard by: Todd Horan

Guy: God, I feel like I’m trapped in a fucking Hallmark Card.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Shoshana

Latina: …and he looks evil and the Princess is saying to him, “You are a good person” and he looks so evil and then she is with Obi King Wasabi and he said he is on the dark side and then the shorty guy–what is his name?–Yoga said, “He is on the dark side” and then Dark Wader he is with the cape and looks all angry and evil reminded me of me on Mondays.

–58th & Lexington

Overheard by: Brandy Rowell

Posted on March 19, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Central Park, Drunks, Etiquette, Farting & Burping, Junk Food & Fast Food, Language Barrier, Latinos, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Music, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, Stupidity, Times Square, Upper East Side, Yuppies

I Kinda Miss Watching You Sleep

Woman buying bagel: Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. I guess you’re not sleeping with my roommate anymore.
Bagel cashier: Hey! How have you been?

–Flatbush Ave

Posted on March 19, 2015
Brooklyn, Customers, Etiquette

St. Christopher’s Starting to Get Ragged Around the Edges

Creepy hobo: May you reach your destination in safety.
Hoochie: Scuse me?
Creepy hobo: May you reach your destination in safety.
Hoochie, cheerily: Thank you, sweetie!

–Outside Pacific Street Station

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on March 19, 2015
Brooklyn, Default, Etiquette, Hobos, Hootchies, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Wishes & desires

Etiquette