Kindergarten girl #1: Wow! Look at all those big trophies!
Kindergarten girl #2: Those ain’t trophies. There’s dead people there. Yeah, you know — you go to church, you pray, and they put the dead person in the box, and they put the box in there. Don’t you go to church?
–On school bus passing a cemetery, Queens
Guy #1: You should say excuse me!
Guy #2: I did say excuse me!
Guy #1: Oh…
Guy #2: What I should have said is ‘Don’t stand in front of the fucking doors!"
–Uptown 4 Train
Yuppie female: It’s just so complicated.
Yuppie male: Don’t take this the wrong way, but if he’s cheating on her with you, he’s a fucking idiot.
–30th & Park Ave South
Overheard by: Pedro Van
Gigantic suit, urinating outside: Excuse me, ladies. I apologize for that.
Ladies: It’s OK.
Gigantic suit: There’s a big black cock on the loose.
–19th & Broadway
Overheard by: becca
Suit #1: I guess I wasn’t invited. I wasn’t on my best behavior last year.
Suit #2: Well, you did light that horse on fire.
–Midtown
Optimist queer: You should be happy. Not all the people in the world are out to get you. Why not just be nice?
Pessimist queer: Whenever I’m nice to people, they spit in my eye, fuck me up my ass, and kick it all the way to Siberia.
Optimist queer: So when was the last time someone fucked you up your ass?
Pessimist queer: An hour ago.
–Sutphin & Hillside, Jamaica
Overheard by: ting
Reverse-Necrophiliac: I hate dead people. They have such attitude.
–Time Warner Center
Elderly bathroom attendant, finding a used tampon on the floor: Whoever did this, I hope she die! That shit is nasty! I hope her pooty fall out and she die!
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Leah Beirne
Hefty guy: No, I will not take pictures of a dead body… Not if it only died for a few hours.
–Target, Queens Blvd
Overheard by: barbat
Co-Worker on phone: If you do die 25 years ago, you don’t die now!–52nd & 5th
Proselytizer: Listen! Listen to me! You must abstain! Abstinence is the only way! I tell you the truth–if you have sex, you will get pregnant, you will get an STD, and you will die!–125th StOverheard by: slightly intrigued
Woman: You’re born, yadda yadda yadda…You learn how to type. You get clarity. And then, ya die.
–24th & 7th
Overheard by: Dennis
Compassionate man on cell: The kid died from an overdose…[laughs] But the kid died from a drug overdose. So it’s not my fault.
–Whole Foods, Columbus Circle
Gallant Queer: You can go ahead of me with your “lady things.”
Woman in line behind him, holding infant and feminine products: You mean the maxi-pads or the baby?
–Duane Reade, Park Pl & Broadway
Girlfriend: Oh, look, that homeless person is sleeping. We should wake him up.
Boyfriend: Why would you wake him up?
Girlfriend: Well, like, what if he misses his stop?
–Brooklyn bound L train
Overheard by: Chris
White chick: Hey! Enough with the pushing already!
Indian woman: No! No! No! This is not your living room. This is rush hour–so I pooosh and pooosh!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Mary Beth Hanlon
