Teenage girl: I'm so happy! Nick* friended me on Facebook!
Teenage boy: That's because he was high.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Teenage girl: I'm so happy! Nick* friended me on Facebook!
Teenage boy: That's because he was high.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Boy: If my hand was botoxed, could I hold hot things without getting hurt?
–K-Mart, Astor Place
Drunk douchebag: If I was a gay guy, I totally wouldn't cheat on my girlfriend, unless it was with a hot chick.
–Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ladle
Guy to another, as smoking hot woman walks by: She's so hot I'd eat the corn out of her poop!
–42nd & Broadway
Guy to dinner date: I hate it when people tag me on Facebook. It's like, I'm in sweat pants! I'm a mess! I just ran three miles, leave me alone… You're gonna tag that?! Like "tap that." You're gonna "tag that"? (pause) What do you think about the waitress, pretty hot huh?
–Diner, Washington Heights
Overheard by: April Marks
20-something hipster girl #1: What's up with that girl you used to live with?
20-something hipster girl #2: Well, it's not like I still talk to her… She won't add me on Facebook.
20-something hipster girl #1: Why not?!
20-something hipster girl #2: She tried to kill me!
–M86 Bus
Overheard by: emily darwin
Obviously inebriated brunette: So… I'm pretty sure I'm going to die tonight.
Obviously inebriated blonde: Well, if we do, I think I should put up a Facebook status so everyone knows.
Obviously inebriated brunette: I'm pretty sure the tox screen will show it.
(ten seconds later)
Obviously inebriated brunette: Kill me. Oh, wait, no need. I'll be dead in three hours.
Obviously inebriated blonde: Just don't go dying in my bed… that's creepy.
(five seconds later)
Obviously inebriated brunette: Um… did you just burp?
Obviously inebriated blonde: Yeah. Why?
Obviously inebriated brunette: Because it just went up my nose.
Obviously inebriated blonde: Now… that's legendary.
–Barnes & Noble, Midtown
Overheard by: NYLove
Guy to girl: Just because I slept with you doesn't mean we get to be Facebook friends!
Girl, in Southern accent: Oh, shoot!
–14 St & Ave B
Overheard by: Obducomiapint
Girl #1: So he's like, “I saw your Facebook photos of you outside of your work uniform. You really like to party.” And I'm like, “Well, I'm 25 and single, what else do you think I like to do?”
Girl #2: Yeah, I mean really. But you know, it's assumed that if you're under 27, all you do is party and sleep around.
–Kew Gardens
Overheard by: CollegiateCutie
Chick #1: So I added him on Facebook.
Chick #2: Oooooh, that's a little desperate.
Chick #1: But he texted me first! I was just following the natural order of events.
Chick #3: I added him on Facebook like a week ago.
Chick #2: But you didn't give him head behind a bar.
Chick #1: He texted me before I added him! It is not desperate!
–NYU
Overheard by: kelly
Waiter: Yeah, that's just because you're obsessed with me.
Bartender, sarcastically: Oh, yeah, right–I'm totally obsessed with you. I went to your Facebook page and downloaded all the pictures of you on there and printed them out and put them up on my wall so I could have a collage.
Waiter: That was oddly specific.
–Lounge, Don't Tell Mama
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Female hipster, loudly: I hate those two! They're egomaniacs with low self esteem!
–Staten Island
Overheard by: Johnny Drongo
Sullen-looking girl: I guess it's just incumbent on me to be cheerful regardless of the fact that I hate everything.
–Warren St & W Broadway
Overheard by: Tha WB
Girl at Dali exhibition: I hate people. I hate museums. I really hate Spaniards.
–Dali and Film Exhibition, MoMA
Overheard by: Andi C.
Concerned girl to friends: Maybe if we stopped singing Simon & Garfunkel so loudly, people would hate us less.
–Grand Central
Teen girl: I just hate her so much! I'm not even going to Facebook friend her, I hate her so much!
–B Train
Overheard by: Jen
European woman wearing I Love NY shirt, holding Sex & the City box set: I hate Americans.
–Canal & Lafayette
JAP #1: Oh my god, did you hear about what Aaron wrote on Brittany's Facebook wall?
JAP #2: Oh my god, yeah, that's like, disgusting. Like, she looks like a fucking koala.
JAP #1: Totally. Like, who wants to date a tree climbing marsupial?
JAP #2: Fuck no! I'd rather kill my brother!
–Saks Fifth Avenue
