Girl: So, who did you piss off?
Actor: What? What do you mean?
Girl: Who did you piss off? Did you read your script on Friday?
Actor: No, why?
Girl: You didn’t read it? Go read your script, and you’ll see what I mean.
Actor: No, what? Come on, tell me. Why?
Girl: You didn’t read your script on Friday?
Actor: No, why? Tell me.
Girl: They’ve got you with a David*, making out on the dining room table. Who did you piss off?
–ABC Cafeteria
Overheard by: Mojosaves
Confused guy: What?!
Angry chick: Your grey matter has yellow spots.
–22nd & 6th
Brunette: So, did you tell your mom yet?
Blonde: Yeah, my boyfriend was actually more upset about it than she was. She’s really laid-back.
Brunette: That’s good.
Blonde: Yeah, she said as long as I went to a nice, clean place to get it done, she’s happy.
–6 train
Overheard by: Allicat
Asian girl to friend: You know her! She’s the Asian girl — you know, the one with the eyes!
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: Chuckles
Little boy about Japanese man: Mom, how come that man is closing his eyes all the time?!
–Liberty St
Overheard by: galgal
Emo Asian boy: You can recover from drug or alcohol addictions, but there is no cure for Asianism.
–Weinstein Dining Hall, NYU
Drunk Asian man: Did you see that mosaic? It’s all wrong. The Asians were all one shade of yellow. What kind of art work is that? Look at me and my people — we’re multiple shades!
–R train
20-something woman: Being an Asian and being a tranny aren’t the same thing.
–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea
Overheard by: Ladle
Girl on cell: Yeah, so he was kicked out of college. It’s kind of a long story. He like, pulled a knife on George Lucas.
–Barnard College
Curly-haired chick: If we go, like, cowboy/Indian, you’re supposed to be giving me smallpox blankets and liquor, and I’m supposed to hold a knife to your scalp. Hmmm.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Girl (yelling at other girl): Just because he cuts himself doesn’t mean he’s emo!
–Brooklyn Tech HS
16-year-old to another: If Dane Cook was here, he would stab you in the chest.
–The Beacon School
Gay man to female friend: I’m gonna cut out your G-spot with a butter knife and stick it to the wall.
–Dojo Resaurant
Tall, muscular, handsome guy on cell: My night turned out pretty crazy… Why? Because this chick drew a knife on me in the restaurant before we even finished the appetizers… And I blame you for that.
–Grand Army Plaza
Overheard by: wishes she would have been there…
Preppy kid to friend: She gave me a piece of paper with a phone number, three e-mails and a MySpace page to make sure I get in touch with her.
Friend: She definitely wants you to touch her all right.
–1st Ave & 9th St
Female friend at bar: Why can't I find a man?
Male friend at bar: Why do I date nutjobs?
Female friend at bar: I'd take a nutjob… (long pause) Hell, I'd take a man with one nut!
–The Half Pint, W 3rd St
Overheard by: macdaddynyc
College freshman: I think I’m going to minor in Accounting. Does that sound good?
Friend: Well, do you like stuff like that?
College freshman: Wait… What is Accounting?
Friend: It’s, like, spreadsheets.
College freshman: Oh, cool.
–PATH
Guy #1: So, at least everyone doesn’t think I’m crazy now.
Guy #2: Dude, no one thought you were crazy before.
Guy #1: Oh… I thought they did.
Guy #2: Maybe you were just hearing that in your head.
–Indian Taj, Bleecker St
Russian woman w/heavy accent: So you know it was arranged–like arranged marriage–and I marry him for dowry.
Friend, in disbelief: My goodness! For what? Like cows?
Russian woman: What cows? We live in the city! For money, I marry him for money.
–23rd St & Park Ave
Overheard by:
