Hot Asian chick: Oh, I feel so sexually frustrated right now!
Dude: Oh my god, I can totally help you out with that! You could even call me Mark!
Hot Asian chick: And could we talk about labor law afterwards?
Dude: Anything!
Hot Asian chick: Don’t embarrass yourself, Chad.
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: she can call me anything too
Girl #1: So then he shot his dad, because his dad was beating on his mom.
Girl #2: Okay.
Girl #1: Um, it’s sort of okay, but it sort of isn’t.
–B train
Teen: I'm 14 years old and I'm still a virgin…how sick is that??
–Simon Baruch Middle School
Overheard by: the art major
Random old guy: The only thing I like more than children is more children.
–Barnes & Noble, 83rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Maianess
20-something guy to friend, casually: Oh, yeah, and the high school girl doesn't want a relationship.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: rachelandkaceyfuckup
Hipster girl to a group of friends: I can't date him. It would be like dating a kid, and not like in a really good way. (awkward silence) Uhm, not that there is a really good way to date a kid.
–Grand Central Station
Guy: You can do that to a girl but you can't do that to a guy! That's child molestation!
–Astor Place
Overheard by: inching away
Professor: Did I ever tell you? I used to work at a carnival operating the kiddie rides. (laughs) And no! I never became a pedophile!
–Wagner College
Overheard by: good to know
Girl: So, who did you piss off?
Actor: What? What do you mean?
Girl: Who did you piss off? Did you read your script on Friday?
Actor: No, why?
Girl: You didn’t read it? Go read your script, and you’ll see what I mean.
Actor: No, what? Come on, tell me. Why?
Girl: You didn’t read your script on Friday?
Actor: No, why? Tell me.
Girl: They’ve got you with a David*, making out on the dining room table. Who did you piss off?
–ABC Cafeteria
Overheard by: Mojosaves
Confused guy: What?!
Angry chick: Your grey matter has yellow spots.
–22nd & 6th
Brunette: So, did you tell your mom yet?
Blonde: Yeah, my boyfriend was actually more upset about it than she was. She’s really laid-back.
Brunette: That’s good.
Blonde: Yeah, she said as long as I went to a nice, clean place to get it done, she’s happy.
–6 train
Overheard by: Allicat
Asian girl to friend: You know her! She’s the Asian girl — you know, the one with the eyes!
–Empire State Building
Overheard by: Chuckles
Little boy about Japanese man: Mom, how come that man is closing his eyes all the time?!
–Liberty St
Overheard by: galgal
Emo Asian boy: You can recover from drug or alcohol addictions, but there is no cure for Asianism.
–Weinstein Dining Hall, NYU
Drunk Asian man: Did you see that mosaic? It’s all wrong. The Asians were all one shade of yellow. What kind of art work is that? Look at me and my people — we’re multiple shades!
–R train
20-something woman: Being an Asian and being a tranny aren’t the same thing.
–Dallas BBQ, Chelsea
Overheard by: Ladle
Girl on cell: Yeah, so he was kicked out of college. It’s kind of a long story. He like, pulled a knife on George Lucas.
–Barnard College
Curly-haired chick: If we go, like, cowboy/Indian, you’re supposed to be giving me smallpox blankets and liquor, and I’m supposed to hold a knife to your scalp. Hmmm.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Girl (yelling at other girl): Just because he cuts himself doesn’t mean he’s emo!
–Brooklyn Tech HS
16-year-old to another: If Dane Cook was here, he would stab you in the chest.
–The Beacon School
Gay man to female friend: I’m gonna cut out your G-spot with a butter knife and stick it to the wall.
–Dojo Resaurant
Tall, muscular, handsome guy on cell: My night turned out pretty crazy… Why? Because this chick drew a knife on me in the restaurant before we even finished the appetizers… And I blame you for that.
–Grand Army Plaza
Overheard by: wishes she would have been there…
Preppy kid to friend: She gave me a piece of paper with a phone number, three e-mails and a MySpace page to make sure I get in touch with her.
Friend: She definitely wants you to touch her all right.
–1st Ave & 9th St
Female friend at bar: Why can't I find a man?
Male friend at bar: Why do I date nutjobs?
Female friend at bar: I'd take a nutjob… (long pause) Hell, I'd take a man with one nut!
–The Half Pint, W 3rd St
Overheard by: macdaddynyc
