The Lord Giveth, and the Lord Taketh Away

Tacky girl #1: Why do I feel like every time I gain a friend, I lose a friend?
Tacky girl #2: (silence)
Tacky girl #1: It's like AIM buddy lists, like when you max, you know? You have to delete a friend to add a new one, you know? My friendships are all like that, you know?
Tacky girl #2: I don't think it works like that.
Tacky girl #1: Yeah, you're right.
(pause)
Tacky girl #2: Well, if it was like that, who would decide?
Tacky girl #1: Umm…god?
Tacky girl #2: Well, maybe whoever's deciding is telling you to look at the friends you do have, and, like, see if they're worth it.
Tacky girl #1: Ohmigod! You are so good. How did you get so good?

–Metro-North

Posted on July 6, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Friendship, God, Internet, Questions, Trains Not Subway

I'm Assuming by Then You'll Want to Hurt Your Partner's Feelings

NYU guy #1: Dude, when you die, can I have your Argyle?
NYU guy #2: What, you mean this?
NYU guy #1: Yeah. I mean, I just really like Argyle and I can't seem to find any good sweaters these days. So, like…could I have it?
NYU guy #2: Dude, sure!
NYU guy #1: But don't like try to die just to give it to me. I can wait a while. I think if you just put in your will something like, “and I bequeath my awesome Argyll to my friend” that should do it.

–8th St & Univerisity Place

Overheard by: Argyll Lover

Posted on June 28, 2009
Clothing, Death, Frat Boys, Friendship, Offers and requests, The Village

The Way New York Used to Be

Crazy guy, pointing to lady while addressing teenage girl: Are you friends with her?
Teen girl: No.
Crazy guy: No one is friends with each other anymore!

–Q46 Bus

Posted on June 22, 2009
Bus, Crazies, Crazy, Friendship, On the Bus, Questions, Teens

Matthew, Mark, Luke, Moe, Little Tito, Deep Throat…

Guy: The more friends I have, the more of a chance that people aren't going to like me.
Girl: Yeah.
Guy: Like Jesus, he had 12 followers. Jesus was a gangsta!
Girl: Yeah.

–5th Ave & 13th St

Posted on June 4, 2009
Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Friendship, Girls, Guys, Jesus, Stupidity, Union Square and East Village

Straight People Really Need to Learn the Art Of Apologin

Hipster queer #1: I brought you out here to tell you that I slept with your boyfriend last night.
Hipster queer #2: You are a bad bad friend.
Hipster queer #1: You've had worse.
Hipster queer #2: But not hairier.
Hipster queer #1: Would you like some gin?
Hipster queer #2: Obviously.

–Central Park

Overheard by: hairless

Posted on June 1, 2009
Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Drinking & Drunk People, Friendship, Hair, Hipsters, Infidelity, Parks, Queers, Questions

With Wednesday One-Liners Like These, Who Needs Enemies?

Guy pouring himself cup of coffee to guy watching: You and I just really need to have a huge fight. I think that's the only way we can truly be friends.

–Fox News Breakroom

Overheard by: CreateEvity

College girl on cell: I'm a real-life imaginary friend to two different people.

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Am I Imaginary?

Soft-spoken thug on cell: I don't want to upset my baby momma, but I don't want to lose you as a friend.

–123rd & Broadway

Overheard by: EthanK

Girl on phone: His name isn't CJ, it's JP. He wants to be friends with me, I'm gonna friend the heck outta him!

–Lafayette & White

Loud gay guy: So he asks me, "are we still just friends?" and I'm like, "umm, your dick was just in my mouth. Thats not what just friends do."

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Ricardo the Sex Machine

Suit to hot chick: So what's your take on the bottled water companies? Friend or foe?

–Odeon, Thomas & Broadway

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Posted on May 20, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, BJs, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Fighting and ass kicking, Friendship, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Nicknames & name calling, Office, On Cell, One-liners, Parents, Penis, Queer guys, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sorority Girls, Stupidity, Suits, Thugs, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Boweling Night's Not 'til Tomorrow

Woman #1: Did you tell your friends about my constipation?
Woman #2: No, I didn't, they wouldn't appreciate it.

–79 & 3rd

Posted on May 12, 2009
Friendship, Health and Hygiene, Questions, Upper East Side, Women

Every Time One of Us Gets a Homosexual Urge, We Take a Shot

Frat guy: Do you guys rent out this place on Monday nights? Me and my buddies want to come back here.
Chinese woman behind bar: Yes. You want to watch football?
Frat guy: No! Gossip Girl!

–Karaoke Bar, Chinatown

Headline by: JakeP.

Runners-Up:
· “And Then We Will Paint Our Nails and Determine Who’s a Blaire and Who’s a Sabrina!” – Doesn’t watch Gossip Girl!
· “BTW, Do You Know How to Make a Cosmo?” – mark
· “Make the Reservation Under Kappa Feather Boa” – PeterG
· “She No Work on Mondays, but Little Lotus Come, You Like?” – Sim Etrias
· “Then It’s Off to Get Our Eyebrows Waxed!” – Sandy Paws
· “We Can’t Masturbate to Football Now That John Madden Retired” – Captain Sensible
· “You Can’t Watch Football on Mani/Pedi Night!” – tatts

Click here to see the new Headline Contest