Gays and Lesbians

(two guys bike past blowing a whistle and yelling, imitating a siren)
Old woman: Well, that about sums it up.

–Broadway & 19th

Overheard by: sweetchuck

Grandpa on cell: Okay, well, don't bump and grind with any boys!

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Yours Truly

Older lady: I'm anti-tchotchke!

–Hudson & Bleecker

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Older woman gazing out at the pond: Well this is it! Scumbag park!

–Turtle Pond, Central Park

Overheard by: Confused

Old guy sitting on bench, to other: I'm gonna send your picture to Bellevue, so they can get the food ready for ya.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Lola

Old lady: The sex shops came in after the gays moved up from The Village in the 80s. But that's okay…

–8th Ave & 20th St

Elderly well-dressed lady to other (in front of bong shop): This place looks good.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Philouza

Skinny gay guy #1: Oh, I can't. It's drag queen puppet bingo night.
Skinny gay guy #2: It's the only one in town! We can't miss it!

–44th & 9th

Queer #1: I am sorry, I did not mean it.
Queer #2 (angrily): What do you mean you didn’t mean it? You told me that you loved me. You can’t just take that back!
Queer #1: Sorry.
Queer #2: What do you mean you’re sorry!?
(pause for a block)
Queer #1: Thanks for the help. Now I feel ready to tell Brian.

–Univeristy Place &14th St

Girl looking at unisex bathroom sign: The bathrooms are bisexual!

–The Brooklyn Lyceum

Overheard by: Jordana

Hipster dude on cell: He broke up with me for a girl!

–St. Marks & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Amy

Woman on cell: Yes, baby, yes, I’m bisexual! I need a man right now. You ready or what?

–6th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: TK

Guy on cell: Damn, baby, it’s been months since we’ve had sex! Is it another guy? …Is it another girl?!

–Prince St

Overheard by: Suzy

Fourth-grade kid: See, what you people don’t understand is, my fists are bisexual — they hit both boys and girls.

–PS 34

Overheard by: Emily

Tween boy #1: Man, I don’t like your school.
Tween boy #2: I know. They’re all like Rob Zombie there, but none of them are zombies — they’re all gay.

–C train

Overheard by: Betty Noir

Crazy hobo: Well, hey baby, you're beautiful!
Pedestrian: I'm a man, dammit, I'm a man!

–9th Ave

High school boy #1: Man, those lesbians are everywhere!
High school boy #2: Yeah!
High school boy #1: Yeah, man! I used to think that shit was cool, but then I was like, “Shit! I ain't gettin' any of that!”
High school boy #2: Yeah!

–Downtown 4 Train

Overheard by: klo

Guy to three cute girls: You’re the best looking gay guys I’ve seen all day!

–Christopher & Bedford

Chick to dude: You could wear a dress if you wanted to.

–Broadway

Abercrombie tot: Wait, you can’t carry a boy dog in a purse. That’s unnatural!

–Penn Station

Tween girl to friends: No, she’s a boy now and she looks gay.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: R

Cute brunette: Who am I, forcing your lovers into a male-female dichotomy? I am terrible!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Med student: I wish you were straight, so I could have sex with you right now.
Flamboyant friend, sighing: I'm not in the mood.

–Columbia University

Crazy hobo: Marriage is for having children, and gay people never have children! Marriage is for sex, and gay people never have sex!
Latina: He needs to get fucked up the ass.

–7 Train

Overheard by: Ari