Guys

Guy to girl with afro crossing the street: Hey gorgeous! Gorgeous! Let me massage your kinky tips!

–8th Ave & W 4th

Comedy club promoter to hot girl: Hi, do you like comedy? (girl keeps walking) Okay, do you like skinny white guys then?

–42nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Galina

Young boy reading aloud in halting monotone: I like that outfit. It would look great crumpled up on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning. You have 206 bones in your body, want one more?

–Borders, Kips Bay

Overheard by: Emily

Fat white guy in Mets jersey to hot blonde: Hello, my name is Tom and I'm horny. (blonde keeps walking)

–Lexington & 50th

Black man to female passerby: S'cuse me miss… Not to seem rude, but to be honest…for a white girl, you got a nice butt.

–5th Ave

Conductor on PA: Ladies and gentlemen, this last weekend I went to a club…never again. I walked in, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. I saw a beautiful lady across the bar, went up to her and said, "Where have you been all my life?" She said back to me "I think for the first half of your life, I wasn't born." This is 59th, Columbus circle, have a good day, ladies and gentlemen.

–A Train

Guy #1: I was totally eyefucking her.
Guy #2: Yeah, you were eyefucking her from here to Puerto Rico.
Guy #1: Yeah, I was.

–6th Ave & 56th St

Overheard by: Chloe

Chick: We had a great sex life — fuckin’ all the time… Then I find out that he is calling the free exotic party line… I mean, all the time.
Dude: He’s a loser if he spends all his time doing it… Will you have sex with me now?

–2 train

Overheard by: aeongirl777

Guy : Yeah, Portland’s great…if you’re into heroin!

–East Village

Guy #1: …and he just kept chewing and chewing. Man, I felt so bad.
Guy #2: Dude, why did you give a Twizzler to a giraffe?

–Astoria

Large drunk black guy to black girl sitting down: Girl, you're so pretty, why are you frowning?
Black girl sitting down: Do me a favor, get up out my face.
(two large Hispanic men get up to protect her)
Large drunk black guy: Okay, I'm done…but I love you.

–2 Train

Overheard by: jj is sober at 10am

Guy: I love porn. I've got XTube bookmarked.
Slightly older guy: You're a gay man in New York: of course you love porn. It's in the rulebook.

–42nd St, near Broadway

Rocker chick: Is that a band name?
Rocker guy: What? ‘Moldy Anus’? No, but it would be a good name for one.

–Queens Blvd, Elmhurst

Overheard by: devotchka

Hot straight guy #1: Geez, what size shoes do you wear, dude?
Hot straight guy #2: They’re size fourteen.
Hot straight guy #1: And how tall are you?
Hot straight guy #2: Oh, I’m 6’1″.
Hot straight guy #1: Damn, dude — you must have a huge cock!
Queer: Dude…
Hot straight guy #2: Man, I thought you were gonna say what I always hear — ‘Dude, big feet — you know what that means? Big shoes!’ I hear that all the time.
Hot straight guy #1: I know, right?
Hot straight guy #2: I like to say, ‘Yeah, it means a big cock, right?’ but that always leads to an awkward silence. I applaud you for coming right out with that.
Queer: Um…
Hot straight guy #1: Yeah, I left my shoes at my girlfriend’s the other day, and her mom made a comment on them — ‘Big shoes…’ I mean, her mom!
Hot straight guy #2: That’s crazy.
Queer: Guys, look — unless you’re gonna whip ’em out, can we stop talking about your gigantic cocks, please?

–1166 6th Ave

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Guy #1: You know Jason?
Guy #2: The gay one?
Guy #1: Yeah.
Guy #2: What about him?
Guy #1: I saw him kiss a girl.
Guy #2: Was it like a friend kiss?
Guy #1: No, there was tongue and everything.
Guy #2: So he’s not gay?
Guy #1: I don’t think so.
Guy #2: Fuck! Now I can’t brag that I have a gay friend anymore!
Guy #1: Don’t worry, you can still say he’s bi since we still have no proof that he is not interested in guys.
Guy #2: That’s a good idea. Interesting…you know what, that’s what I’ll do, cause there is just no way in hell that Jason is straight.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Ting