Guy to vendor: You got free water? Lemme get some water.
Vendor: No.
Guy: What about napkins? Lemme get some napkins.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Beavis
Guy to vendor: You got free water? Lemme get some water.
Vendor: No.
Guy: What about napkins? Lemme get some napkins.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Beavis
Man #1: I don’t want black shoes. They get too hot in the summer.
Man #2: That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. How much surface area of your shoes actually faces the sun?
–Office, East 45th Street
Overheard by: l.k.
Guy: Once I told my friend Ivan that I like to eat my scabs, and he said he did too, so we ate each other scabs.
–Park Slope
Ugly drunk girl: Sometimes I pick people's noses. (pause) Usually nothing comes out!
–LIRR, Huntington Line
Overheard by: I <3 Commuters Black guy on cell: Then I put KY all over her pussy, yo, and she wanted to spoon that shit up and eat it!
–Lafayette St
Man to family: Well, I've got to assume he's getting sick anyway, judging by the snot I just saw.
–Grand Central Station
Male law student: That's the good thing. You can scratch all day and it won't spread.
–Fordham Law School
20-something receptionist: Urp! I think I just coughed up a fetus. I better Lysol the phone.
–5th Ave
Overheard by: BrooklynBorn
Dude looking at girl shoes: If I were a chick I'd wear the ugliest shoes, I swear.
–5th Ave
Woman on phone call with son's teacher: I know he's in the big boy group, but if you see he put his shoes on the wrong feet again, could you just let him know, please?
–57th St & Madison
Four-year-old girl: My toes are in my shoes!
–Bus
Overheard by: vcstr
Girl, with pride: I can't get laid in this town without these pointy fucking shoes. My feet are so black and blue, and so are you!
–F Train
Overheard by: Ofelia Hiney
Gay guy to friend: Oh, c'mon, at its best, The Wizard of Oz is just a story about two women fighting over a pair of shoes.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Paul N.
Columbia guy #1: Dude, how’s your Gestalt?
Columbia guy #2: My Gestalt is in an excellent place right now.
–Dining Hall, Barnard College
Guy: I don’t know — I think she intellectualizes everything, and she uses big vocabulary words, but that doesn’t make her smart, you know?
Girl: Yeah, totally.
–W 4th & Morton
Overheard by: Duncan
Guy with thick accent: Where you get off to the Walton Center?
NY chick: The what?
Guy with thick accent: The Walton Center.
NY chick: Do you know what street it's on?
Guy with thick accent: No, no. You know, the Walton Center.
NY chick: I'm sorry, I don't know where that is.
Guy with thick accent: The Walton Center! The buildings, they fall, they fall!
NY chick: You mean the World Trade Center?
Guy with thick accent: Yes!
NY chick: Fulton Street and fuck you.
–Uptown 5 Train
Scraggly teen boy: Are you still a vegan?
Scraggly teen girl: Yeah, I’m still a vegan, except I ate a cinnamon roll today. But, you know, it happens.
–1/9 train
Overheard by: Amanda Nazario
Girl yuppie: Isn’t it crazy how rapidly presidents age over eight years?
Guy yuppie: Oh I know, all the stress.
Girl yuppie: If Hil wins president, she’s gonna be a hot mess.
Guy yuppie: She’ll look like Margaret Thatcher after three months!
–Metro North
Overheard by: Sromeo
Asian girl on cell: Yeah… or I could just knock her teeth out and sell them on eBay or something.
–Chelsea Market
Overheard by: Alyssa
Girl on cell: And out of nowhere dude a goddamn peacock feather hit me in the teeth!
–Starbucks, 8th & 39th
Old man: I can smell my own tooth decay!
–Times Square
Overheard by: One Liners Are The Best
Lady on cell: I don't know what to do. I'm like nervous… I know… I haven't bought toothpaste in years…
–Duane Reade
Guy on phone: The difference between you and me is you drink tea and eat tofu. I drink whiskey and make people eat their teeth.
–48th & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Rebecca
