Girl: Oh my god. Don’t even mention his name to me. I hate him so much.
Guy: You mean hate him like you’d wanna set him on fire hate him?
Girl: I mean hate him like I wouldn’t even shit on him if someone else set him on fire.
Guy: Uh… I believe the phrase is “I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire”.
Girl: Yeah, whatever. It’s all the same when you’re lactose-intolerant.
–Greenwich Ave & 12th St
Overheard by: happy milk drinker
Guy #1: Hey. Is it hailing out?
Guy #2: Hail yeah!
Silence for a few seconds.
Guy #2: I said…
Guy #1: I heard you. Shut up.
–Joe’s Pizza, Carmine & 6th Ave
Overheard by: james clunie
Guy #1: I really think African Americans are bipolar. They all seem to have high self esteem, are hyperactive all the time, and are easily irritable.
Guy #2: Shut up nigga. You know I’m better than those cats.
Guy #1: And they can never hear themselves talking.
–F train
Guy: I might move to the South Bronx/Washington Heights. SoBro is getting gentrified.
I’d like to get there before all the hipsters move in.
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Girl: Just start saying it, they’ll think you’re cool. It’s New York.
–SoHo
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Guy #1: I hate my job, my boss is a dick, and if he does not get off my back, I swear I’ll blow that motherfucker up!
Guy #2: Quit
Guy #1: Oh yeah, man quess what? I just got a kick ass raise the other week.
–33rd & Lex
Twentysomething girl: What is the nastiest thing you can think of?
Twentysomething guy: A bloody vagina fart.
–Blake & Todd, 45th & Vanderbilt
Overheard by: Nick Bradham
Chick: There are two types of men in this world. The type that would sleep with Paul Newman and the type that would sleep with Robert Redford, and they can’t be both. What are you?
Gay guy: Paul Newman
Chick: And you?
Asexual guy: Um…Paul Newman.
Silence.
Chick: Aren’t you going to ask me?
Gay guy: No, I don’t care.
Asexual guy: Me neither.
–F train, 2nd Ave
A guy and girl approach a sleeping David Blaine in his bubble.
Security guard: Hands of the glass, sir.
Guy: It’s okay, it’s okay…I just wanna talk to him.
Guy and girl, putting both hands on glass: WAKE UP DAVID BLAINE!
Security guard: Exit! Exit!
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Natasha Blank
Guy talking to his friends: She start talking about her “boyfriend.” I’m all, “Fuck that! I ain’t tryin’ to hear about your ‘boyfriend!’ Your boyfriend all that, how come you here with me? How come your ‘boyfriend’ ain’t with you now, bitch? How come he ain’t helping you move?”
–F train
