Every Little Wednesday One-Liner Helps

Professor: Gods, these students. It’s like they just don’t get it, you tell them things and two minutes later they ask you the same thing. How did they get here? What are they going to major in? In "homelessness"?

–English Department, Hostos Community College

Well-dressed 20-something girl: Homeless people tell me to cheer up all the time!

–1 train

Rich woman #1, fixing rich woman #2’s scarf: [laughs] Oh my god, you look homeless!

–1 Train

Overheard by: sagehen

Well-dressed woman on cell: It’s just another Wednesday and I’m a bag lady.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Mother to her flock of children entering the train and then getting off: Run guys run, theres a homeless guy on that train! Run!

–F Train

Overheard by: yana

Posted on February 25, 2015
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Clothing, College, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Education, Girls, Gripes, Homeless, Jobs & Careers, Moms, On Cell, On the Subway, Panhandling, Physical appearance, Questions, Rich people, School and studying, Teachers/Professors, The Bronx, Threats, Women

How the Citibank Takeover Actually Works: Explained

Hobo to four pretty girls: Hi ladies, how're you doing today?
Girls: Good, thanks, how are you?
Hobo: Just so you know, when I win my 171 million, I'm taking you all on vacation!

–114th & Broadway

Overheard by: Samantha

Posted on February 25, 2015
Columbia University, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Questions, Travel, Weirdness

Give Me Credit for Waiting to Make a Move

Hobo: Hey, c'mon now, we know each other what, ten years? Ten years, we be saying “hi” to each other. No need to act like that.
Professional-looking lady: You put your hand on my ass!
Hobo: Oh, that didn't mean nothing. C'mon, we be friends. Ever day we say “hi” and smile and talk while we walk and now you gettin' all riled on me.
Professional lady: You put your grimy, damn hand on my ass.
Hobo: Oh, that was just a friendly little touch. C'mon, now, we friends. We know each other too long to let somethin' like this cause problems. Ten years. What's your name again?

–53rd St & 8th Ave

Posted on February 21, 2015
Ass, Body Parts, Friendship, Hobos, Homeless, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Strangers

Red-handed, Huh? With What Were They Stained?

Girl #1: I saw this homeless girl on the street who looked our age and I felt so bad.
Girl #2: So did you give her money?
Girl #1: No, my nails were wet.

–62nd & Lexington

Posted on February 19, 2015
Age/Aging, Beauty, Homeless, Manhattan, Money & Class, People, Places, Topics, Upper East Side

Careful, He Wants You to Drop Your Guard

A large bearded black man is holding a big white sign that reads: NINJAS KILLED MY FAMILY. I NEED $$ TO LEARN KUNG-FU AND GET REVENGE.

Drunk yuppie: Ha, ha. So dude, are you really going to become a ninja?! Ha, ha!
Black guy: Nah, man. This is just for humor. This ain’t for real.

–Broadway & 76th

Overheard by: M-Co

Posted on February 19, 2015
Black People, Drunks, Education, Fighting and ass kicking, Homeless, Panhandling, Stupidity, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Yuppies

He Celebrates Boxing Day

Two NYU girls are walking downtown and one trips and falls on the street.
Hobo: Did you have a nice trip? I’ll see you next fall!
NYU Girl: Hey…where’s your home?

–Water & Fulton

Posted on February 18, 2015
Biotechs, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Questions, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Ah, the Sounds of the City

(20-something woman hands hobo a dollar bill)
Hobo: A dollar? All you can spare is a lousy dollar?
20-something woman: Fine! Give it back!

–42nd & Madison

Posted on February 10, 2015
Hobos, Homeless, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Panhandling, Street, Women

May I Assume Your Request for a Slice Was Purely Pretextual?

Bag lady: You got some change so I can get a slice?
Girl: I just bought this Stromboli and I won't eat it. You want it?
Bag lady: What is it?
Girl: It's kinda like pizza.
Bag lady, looking at Stromboli: Nah.

–81st St & Broadway

Overheard by: Lolita

Posted on February 7, 2015
Bag ladies, Girls, Homeless, Offers and requests, Pizza, Questions, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

The Exact Point at Which I Shit Myself

Girl #1: When I got the shit beat out of me last year it broke my septum and I had to get surgery on my nose.
Girl #2: You did not get the shit beat out of you! A homeless woman punched you in the face!

–NYU

Posted on February 4, 2015
Body Parts, Girls, Homeless, NYU, Punch, Surgery

If Your Shit’s Breathing, Please Consult a Doctor

Girl #1: I don’t think I can afford to breathe in here.
Girl #2: Fucking hobos and shit breathe in here. I’m sure you’re fine.

–Saks Fifth Avenue

Posted on January 25, 2015
Girls, Homeless, Money & Class, Retail Therapy, Store