Lesbian daughter: Wow, I have such burnt-out memory cells. Not to be confused with my sickle cell.
Sister, laughing: It’s all mom’s fault! All mom’s fault.
Lesbian to mom, screaming and laughing: Why didn’t you eat my placenta?! You should’ve eaten my placenta! You needed to eat my placenta!
Mom, calm as can be: I’m not African. And besides, you have enough people eating your placenta.
–Parking Lot, NYU College
Overheard by: Lesbian’s Wifey
Girl #1: He really said that, “making gravy”?
Girl #2: Yeah! About a bodily function!
–Union Square
Chirpy British lady: Ah, you like that all ovah, then?
Man with tattooed arms: … Uh, a little bit [disembarks].
Chirpy British lady smiles around at other passengers.
–3 train
Overheard by: Hilary
Suit during presentation: We are a global company with a tremendous reach-around.
–810 7th Ave
Overheard by: Jatmos
Barista gesturing to fridge: Hey! Milk me!
–Coffee shop
Professor: It’s hard to sit there for two hours without a climax.
–NYU
Overheard by: woods comma elle
Teacher, on oral quizzes: … And if you can satisfy me orally, you will receive a good grade.
–The Dalton School
Overheard by: Marissa
Flight attendant: Of course, folks, I’m here to help you, so if you want anything just grab a hold of me as I walk by and I’ll do my best to help you in any way I can.
Captain: And make sure you grab a tight hold, ladies and gents — he’s a wily one.
–JFK
Girl holding tally sheet: Do you want to stick this in my thinger?
Male coworker: You’re lucky it’s me. In the real world–
Girl holding tally sheet: –In the real world people wouldn’t take it there.
–NYU SCPS
Overheard by: she’s lucky i’m gay
Announcer before start of women’s race: Women, please be careful of men trying to go in from behind.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Omar
Man: Wow, this is the most nuts I’ve ever had in my mouth at one time!
–Chocolate shop, Jane St & 8th Ave
Chick pointing at T-Rex: Oh my god, it’s so big! Don’t you wanna just ride it?
–Museum of Natural History
Conductor: Sorry, folks. Looks like I’m having some trouble in my rear.
–C train
Overheard by: mosteen.
MTA employee: Don’t just stick it in… No, you have to ease it in and glide it through.
–A/C/E subway entrance, 44th St
Overheard by: Patrick
Mom to hubby holding sunscreen: Honey, did you lube up the kids?
–Central Park, near 96th St tennis courts
Lady to lesbian coworker: I wish somebody would warm up my muffin.
–1250 Broadway
Queer #1: Why are only the uptown trains coming?
Queer #2: Maybe the uptown tunnels are really tight.
–W 4th station
Man on cell: What are you, some sort of reverse vampire?
–C train
Dude: And there were unicorns exploding in the background… or at least doing whatever it is unicorns do.
–Live Bait, 23rd St
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Chick: You kind of look like a vampire in this picture. But a cool vampire! Like, if you were in The Lost Boys, Kiefer Sutherland would totally want to have sex with you.
–55th & 6th
Overheard by: wants to have sex with Kiefer Sutherland
Drunk hobo chuckling: You people look depressed! I know how to cheer you up. I’ll sing my favorite song! ‘Ding, dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead…’ [Looks around] Hmmm… [Notices the train going express] What the…? I need a new mathematician! I need a new mathematician!
–6 train making express stops on a surprise basis
Overheard by: Barry Negrin
Sax-wielding hobo: I am an alien! From outer space! Not from Mexico!
–L train
Overheard by: Alex P. Keaton
Ricky’s employee: Looks like I’m all out in the fairy department.
–58th & Broadway
Mom: Johnny, put down the sword. Vampires don’t use weapons. Their teeth are their weapons.
–Halloween shop, 8th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Girl #1: Ever hear of that show South of Nowhere about, like, 2 girls who fall in love with each other in LA? It’s really good.
Girl #2: Wait…what does that have to do with my story about me punching my sister in the face?
–42nd & 8th
