Girl holding tally sheet: Do you want to stick this in my thinger?
Male coworker: You’re lucky it’s me. In the real world–
Girl holding tally sheet: –In the real world people wouldn’t take it there.


Overheard by: she’s lucky i’m gay

Announcer before start of women’s race: Women, please be careful of men trying to go in from behind.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Omar

Man: Wow, this is the most nuts I’ve ever had in my mouth at one time!

–Chocolate shop, Jane St & 8th Ave

Chick pointing at T-Rex: Oh my god, it’s so big! Don’t you wanna just ride it?

–Museum of Natural History

Conductor: Sorry, folks. Looks like I’m having some trouble in my rear.

–C train

Overheard by: mosteen.

MTA employee: Don’t just stick it in… No, you have to ease it in and glide it through.

–A/C/E subway entrance, 44th St

Overheard by: Patrick

Mom to hubby holding sunscreen: Honey, did you lube up the kids?

–Central Park, near 96th St tennis courts

Lady to lesbian coworker: I wish somebody would warm up my muffin.

–1250 Broadway

Queer #1: Why are only the uptown trains coming?
Queer #2: Maybe the uptown tunnels are really tight.

–W 4th station

Man on cell: What are you, some sort of reverse vampire?

–C train

Dude: And there were unicorns exploding in the background… or at least doing whatever it is unicorns do.

–Live Bait, 23rd St

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

Chick: You kind of look like a vampire in this picture. But a cool vampire! Like, if you were in The Lost Boys, Kiefer Sutherland would totally want to have sex with you.

–55th & 6th

Overheard by: wants to have sex with Kiefer Sutherland

Drunk hobo chuckling: You people look depressed! I know how to cheer you up. I’ll sing my favorite song! ‘Ding, dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead…’ [Looks around] Hmmm… [Notices the train going express] What the…? I need a new mathematician! I need a new mathematician!

–6 train making express stops on a surprise basis

Overheard by: Barry Negrin

Sax-wielding hobo: I am an alien! From outer space! Not from Mexico!

–L train

Overheard by: Alex P. Keaton

Ricky’s employee: Looks like I’m all out in the fairy department.

–58th & Broadway

Mom: Johnny, put down the sword. Vampires don’t use weapons. Their teeth are their weapons.

–Halloween shop, 8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Girl #1: Ever hear of that show South of Nowhere about, like, 2 girls who fall in love with each other in LA? It’s really good.
Girl #2: Wait…what does that have to do with my story about me punching my sister in the face?

–42nd & 8th

Entendre Queen, to 4-year-old daughter: Now you’ll have alone playtime for 40 minutes. Then Mommy will play with herself after that for another 40 minutes. Then Daddy will join Mommy for some playtime. You can either watch Mommy and Daddy play or go play on your own again.

–207th & Broadway

Overheard by: Elizabeth R.

College girl #1: So, like, if you know anyone who, like, needs, like, anyone to do, like, anything for money, I’m totally desperate.
College girl #2: Oh, for sure! I’ll totally let you know!

–St. Mark’s, between 2rd and 3nd

Guy #1: Wait a sec, what train is this? What am I on?
Guy #2: I’m on your mom. That’s what I’m on.

–D train

Man: The yogurt won’t fall. I’m straight.
Woman: You are straight!
Man: I am straight… now.
Woman: Thank god that’s over.
Man: Let’s get out of here before the whole thing collapses.

–Food Bazaar, Williamsburg

Guy: Yeah, that’s the first thing I learned when I moved here: don’t eat street meat, it’s probably pigeon or something.
Girl #1: Yeah, I wish I could get my husband to stop eating it.
Girl #2: I don’t care what kind of meat it is as long as it’s in my mouth.
Girl #1: That’s my sister; she’s looking for a hook-up.
Girl #2: No, I’m not!
Guy: I’m married.

–Irving Plaza, Irving Place

Overheard by: Johnny Tremain