Small child, trying a Sprite: I don’t like it.
Dad: If you don’t like the taste, just spit it out.
Mom: I’ve heard that one before.

–33rd & 7th

Overheard by: Brian Flanagan

Letch: So, are you traveling for business or pleasure?
PYT: Neither, I’m going to see my mother.

–JFK Airport bar

Chick: So I said to him, “Your mom’s dead, so why don’t you chill with us on Mother’s Day?”

–Thompson & Houston

Overheard by: Tommy Raiko

NYU nerdy chick on cell: The oral is going to be super hard. …But I think I’ll be good at it.


Overheard by: kat

Clerk, to female co-worker: I keep my meat to the side.

–Walgreens, Atlantic Ave

Girl: Bite and suck, bite and suck, bite and suck!

–Szechuan Restaurant

Overheard by: tallierand

Female customer to employee: …the gum that has the things in it. She likes to chew on the ones with the blue balls.

–Duane Reade, Fresh Meadows

Overheard by: evan FM

College sophomore: … So yeah, I said "Mom, stop rotating my pickle!"

–USA #1 Deli, La Salle & Broadway

Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze

Father to younger son: So you like second base right?

–Douglaston Market, Queens

Overheard by: Noelle

Queer #1: I could fly from here to San Francisco.
Queer #2: Straight?

–19th & Broadway

Server: Oh no, not you again! Whatchoo want?
Customer: ‘talian col’ cut.
Server: Whatchoo want on it?
Customer: I said ‘talian col’ cut!
Server: Whatchoo want on it?
Customer: Damn baby, I want you on it!
Server: Shit, you wouldn’t even know what to do with me!
Customer: Damn baby, I eat that shit!

–Bed-Stuy deli

Tween boy #1: Did you see her monkey?
Tween boy #2: She has a monkey?
Tween boy #1: The monkey in her pants, tard.
Tween boy #2: She has a monkey in her pants?
Tween boy #1: You need to watch more porn.
Tween boy #2: Porn with monkeys? My brother is right, I'm not ready for any of this.

–D Train

Overheard by: BobK

Gay guy #1: So how was the party last night?
Gay guy #2: Oh, it wasn't too bad, but there were a bit too many tacos and not enough sausages, if you know what I mean.

–Fordham University

Guy at bar: I’m sorry if I’m being an asshole.
Gay bartender: Oh, don’t worry -I deal with assholes all the time.

–Montien, 12th & 3rd

Hipster passing large, bald man blocking doorway: Excuse me.
Large, bald man: What are you in a hurry for?
(hipster points to condoms and goes to the counter to pay for them)
Large, bald man: You’re totally on a condom run!
(hipster smiles and glances back to the man)
Large, bald man: Did you pull out of that shit?
Hipster: Nope, just having marathon sex.
Large, bald man: I’d high-five you, but I know where those hands have been.
(hipster leaves, laughing)

–Deli, 7th Ave & Christopher St

Overheard by: a

White queer to friend: So I was sitting there at the restaurant with my parents and looked to my left, and who was there? LL Cool J! Ooooh, girl, he is fine. I was all: "Hey, LL, you can park your big Underground Railroad right in my behind!"


Hipster: You can’t really enjoy Evel Knievel in the traditional sense.

–St. Mark’s Place

Nine-year old boy to another: Ooh, Indiana Jones! Look, Shia LaBeouf! I used to go out with him.

–St. Mark’s Place

Overheard by: learned something new about Shia LeBeouf

Proud teen: I had my picture taken with Dennis Rodman’s sister.

–Houston & West Broadway

Worried hipster: And I think Judge Judy would just say that I don’t have a leg to stand on.

–W 19th St

Bus driver: I know what it’s like to miss a flight. You have to ride a Greyhound bus and sit next to a fat guy who eats Cheez-Its and talks about Scott Baio way too much.

–NYAS Shuttle, JFK

Overheard by: innocent bus rider