Tourist to woman handing out fans promoting Hair: What is this?
Woman: It’s, you know, a fan. So you can blow yourself.

–Broadway & 46th

Overheard by: Dain

JAP #1: It’s like, I can’t dance on the bar and dress slutty anymore. It’s just not appropriate.
JAP #2: You did it in college all the time.
JAP #1: But college is different! College is like being in Vegas…
JAP #2: Yeah, for four years!

–Columbus Circle

Younger guy: She was a bit fatter than I expected.
Older guy: Well, you still did the deed though?
Younger guy: Yes, of course I did. I had the beer goggles on to protect me but it was hard to keep the cattle prod charged.
Older guy: Well, it’s not the pussy’s fault.

–42nd & Avenue of the Americas

Headline by: chubba

· “Also, Her Tail Kept Getting in the Way” – sam
· “I Learned a Lot That Summer on the Ranch…” – Mark
· “If Only I Had My +5 Armor with +2 Strength.” – Bevan
· “It’s the Whale Attached to It” – Bizzznatch
· “They Always Blame the Cat, Never the Dog…” – Steve Gotz

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Dad: So what did you learn in school today?
Son: Ummm…a tomato is a fruit.
Dad: What? A tomato is a fruit?
Son: Yeah, cause it has seeds.
Dad: You’re telling me a tomato is a fruit? Is a pumpkin a fruit?
Son: Yeah, they have seeds.
Dad: What about a cucumber, is that a fruit?
Son: No.
Dad: What about a squash? A zucchini? You know what I think? I think you’re the fruit!
Son: No, I don’t have seeds.
Dad: …I’m not going there.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Rehey

Jock #1: Mine is five inches!
Jock #2: Hah! I got you beat! Mine is about four inches.
Jock #3: Yeah? Well, I beat both you dudes. Mine is only two inches!

–W 112th, between Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Christopher Stone

Construction worker #1 to hot girl: Damn baby, did it hurt? You know, when you fell from heaven?
Hot girl: (looks back and rolls her eyes)
Construction worker #2: Your name must be Candy 'cause you look so sweet!
Hot girl: (looks back and rolls her eyes again, laughing a little)
Construction worker #3: Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
Hot girl (laughs hysterically): That's gotta be the best I've ever heard!

–65th & Broadway

Overheard by: Right to the point. Nice.

Ten-year-old wannabe thug: I'ma put this can of pepper spray up your ass! You want me to put this up your ass?!

–Old Navy, Harlem

Worried bearded 50-something: Yeah, but how are we going to film an anal birth!?

–F Train

Street vendor selling his wares: I will shove your foot up the devil's ass!

–St Mark's Place

Yankee stadium employee yelling to another: Hey, wouldja bend over for a minute? I'll be right back!

–Yankee Stadium

Overheard by: torrie

Gay teen: His hole was as big as a traffic cone!

–1st & 14th

Sinfully ugly girl: I have to stop putting things in my ass.

–forever 21 (queens center mall)

Overheard by: defragment my harddrive

Woman: When I got into college I entered into a world of sausage.
Man: Uh…
Woman: Come on!

–D Train

Overheard by: pop pop

Little white girl: Hey, that’s a cool pack.
Little black boy: Thanks! Have you ever taken the D train?
Little white girl: No.
Little black boy: It goes all the way to Africa.

–6 train

Overheard by: Nick Kindelsperger

Woman: That’s enough pushing, people. I’m pregnant and I’m nice and tight up in here.
Guy: That’s why you got pregnant!

–6 train

Overheard by: john chianese