Big Guido, yelling at female bystanders after minor traffic accident: Why don’t you shut the fuck up and get something to do… go suck a dick somewhere!
Woman bystander: Well, I’d suck you if you weren’t so small…
–55th & Madison
Overheard by: kerstin
Hot girl #1: And he said, “I hate that bitch, I wish she'd eat an Aids burger and die!”
Hot girl #2: He said that?
Hot girl #1: Yep, that's what he says when he's hating on people: “I wish she'd eat an Aids burger and die.”
Hot girl #2: Well, at least he's saying what I'm thinking… That's like when I see an anorexic girl, I'm like, “I just wanna shove a burger down that bitch's throat.”
Hot girl #1: Oh, well, I'm not thinking that. I'm just like, “I wanna break her bones.”
(they laugh)
Hot girl #1: It's true! I'm like, “I just wanna blow gently, and watch you blow away.”
–L Train
Overheard by: Eden Twilight
Old Jewish lady to moron who parked in the walkway: Move your vehicle! Citizen’s arrest! Get the fuck out of my way!
–Brooklyn
Cop over squad car loudspeaker, to a cab driver: You’ve got to be kidding! Pull over your car now.
–74th St & Park Ave
Guy on cell: Driving? No, we shouldn’t take cars. Because people are gonna be drinkin’ and poppin’ pills and I want everyone to be safe!
–Union Square
Overheard by: rpk
Professor: So how many of you drive pick-up trucks?… Oh wait we’re in New York City, don’t see many pick-up trucks here… And why is that? Well of course it’s because you’d park your car one night and the next morning a small family of three will have a tent pitched in the back. Now there’s an awkward conversation… "Uhm excuse me, good morning but I kiiiind of need to drive to work so if you could unpitch the tent… That’d be excellent."
–St. John’s University, Queens
NYU girl on cell: No! I told you I wanted four doors! OK, love you, bye. (hangs up phone) Seriously, I told my dad I have too many friends for a two door, but that’s all he’s looking at! It’s like he’s not even buying the car for me. He’s so selfish!
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: Angie
Older woman on line at the Guggenheim to young British male who has been talking with a friend: "I programmed my car to sound just like you!"
–89th St & 5th Ave
Chick: Before this summer, the last time I was in the city was winter break. Ben*’s fraternity was having a networking reception here and I came along as the trophy girlfriend, I guess.
Guy, coughing: Excuse me while I choke on all the WASP in that sentence.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Evie
Hobo #1: ‘Nigger’ is the new ‘fuck.’
Hobo #2: Say what, nigga?
Hobo #1: I say ‘nigger’ is the new ‘fuck.’
Hobo #2: What you talkin’ ’bout, muthafuckah?
Hobo #1: Used to be, you wanna shock people, you say ‘fuck.’ ‘Fuck’ don’t shock nobody no mo’. E’rybody say ‘fuck’ now. But you say ‘nigger’ and motherfuckers be divin’ under tables, people lose they jobs, lawsuits be flyin’ every which-a-way…
Hobo #2: That’s only white people, man.
–E 157th & Walton, Bronx
Overheard by: Big Larry
Girl #1: He was just the most amazing guy — he said the most amazing things to me. I just wanted to run away with him.
Girl #2: That’s gay.
–Barnard College
Male college student: Hmmm… I think maybe I’ll order something.
Horny female companion: You should, since we both know you haven’t eaten anything today.
Male college student: Oh, no — I had lunch earlier…
Horny female companion: That was a sexual innuendo, stupid.
–Starbucks, 115th & Broadway
Barista: So, Sutton Foster was in here the other day.
Friend: Yeah? I don’t really like her…
Barista: What are you, nuts?! She’s great! Oh! A few days ago, like, the whole cast of Spring Awakening came in.
Friend: Oh. Yeah, I didn’t like that show.
Barista, yelling: Honestly, what are you even doing here?! Do you want to be on Broadway? Is this the life you want? Christ, you would think I was talking to a monkey from Indiana.
Friend: Um, sorry?
Barista: Whatever. Forget it. You’re a waste of talent… Want some free sticky bread?
–Starbucks, 47th & 8th
Guy in fur coat handing out fur sale brochures: Sale! Sale!
Tourist girl with lollipop: Animal killer!
Guy in fur coat: You’re killing that lollipop!
–7th Ave & 25th St
Overheard by: furry
Angry man yelling into pay phone: Do you know what extortion is? Yeah? Well, it’s not nice.
–Polish resturant, Brooklyn Heights
Bus driver: To all the nice people who didn’t curse at the bus driver, thank you.
–Bx 8 bus
Overheard by: You’re Welcome
Woman collecting money for Coalition for the Homeless: Now, you have a nice day, sir! I don’t wanna tell you have a nice day, because you’re a horrible person! You should be giving me money, but you ain’t and you’re going to hell! But I’m a good person, so I’m going to say have a nice day anyway! Have a nice day, ladies. Shalom!
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: Michelle Smith
Homely redhead: I started dating this new guy, and that’s really good because I haven’t dated anyone in over a year. We’ve been on two dates and he’s married and he’s really nice.
–60th & 5th
Dude: He’s a nice guy. If you cross him he’ll tie your ears together and slingshot boxes of wine in your face.
–Bleecker
Chick: She is a nice girl! Completely crazy.
–67th St stop, Queens
