A man is stumbling down the street. He trips, falls hard and hits his head on the ground.
Guy: Sir, excuse me, are you okay? You just fell really hard.
Man: …Fuck you.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: The L0rdz
A man is stumbling down the street. He trips, falls hard and hits his head on the ground.
Guy: Sir, excuse me, are you okay? You just fell really hard.
Man: …Fuck you.
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: The L0rdz
Fat woman #1: Why do people keep asking me [about the long line]? Do I have one of those approachable faces?
Fat woman #1: The guy thing is, she has no problem attracting. And anyone willing to put out will never get love. Doesn’t matter if you’re a size 2 or a size 20.
Fat woman #1: I am a soup lover!
Fat woman #1: Look at the makeup on this lady with the green hat coming up! She takes the crosstown bus sometimes. Spectacular. Spectacular. Can you imagine if Joe saw that? He’d come over and ask her out.
Fat woman #2: That’s everyday?
Fat woman #1: That’s not special, not Halloween. I love it when she wears her army fatigues. She wears the jacket, the pants…
Fat woman #2: What are you in the mood for? Something chicken noodley or something exotic?
Fat woman #1: I might get two!
Fat woman #1: So Yen Ling. I asked her, “What do you want to be called? Yen or Yen Ling?” She says, “Yen Ling”, I say, “Fine.” So I’m going around introducing her and she’s saying “Yen”, “Yen”, “Yen.” It’s just like, if you want to be called Yen Ling, why are you saying “Yen”?
Fat woman #2: What’s her last name?
Fat woman #1: Yu.
Fat woman #2: Yu?
Fat woman #1: It’s one of those.
Fat woman #2: Sounds like a comedy routine. “Who?” “Yu!”
Fat woman #1: “Who, you?”
Note: The Nazi was sold out of crab bisque, and all of the meaty soups except for mulligatawny.
–42nd & 5th
Guy: It was a good night! We saw the parade…we got drunk…I made out with a pregnant nun…
–Ben’s Pizza, Spring Street
Overheard by: A. Yanishevsky
Drunk girl: Hey, Red #2, where’s the rest of the pack?
Red crayon guy: Ooh, you’re a regular Dean Martin, aren’t you?
–Puck Fair, Lafayette Street
Guy on cell: Trick or treat, fucking witch!
–20th & Park
Overheard by: Pedro Lebron
Guy #1: I know it’s Halloween and this is the West Village, but do you faggots have to block the entire sidewalk?
Guy #2: Oh go sit on a cock.
Guy #1: Yeah, you’d like that.
–Christopher & Bedford
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Chick on cell: Wait, wait, he put what where?…Uh huh…Well it was
Halloween last night…And then he did what? He ate it? That must have tasted like shit, literally!
–F train
Hipster girl: You know that guy Adam? That I….screwed? Well, he got arrested on Halloween for having a gun that looked like a gun.
–Mercer & Waverly
Black woman: I’ll mess you up! I’ll be waiting for you downstairs, you man-on-man faggot! White trash!
White queer: You don’t scare me! I’ve dealt with the feds, I can
deal with you!
–Welfare office, Boerum Hill
Overheard by: Sheep Overhearder
Black woman: Take that bag off your back.
White man: All it takes are two words: “excuse” and “me”.
Black woman: I’m not saying nothing to you.
White man: Sorry, I see that you only use your mouth for one thing, and that’s sucking dick.
Black woman: You are so rude. Take that back.
White man: Okay, I am sorry. I take it back. You also use your mouth for eating, as seen by the size of your enormous ass.
–4/5 train
Tween girl #1: So like apparently my brother is engaged.
Tween girl #2: Really? Since when?
Tween girl #1: I dunno, found out at breakfast this morning.
Tween girl #2: Didn’t he like just finish high school?
Tween girl #1: Yeah, but she’s like still 17 and she’s got a two year old so she’s way worse off than him.
Tween girl #2: Well is it his kid?
Tween girl #1: Who knows? He’s not tellin’.
Tween girl #2: Probably is…what a man-ho slut wedder.
–F train
Overheard by: Supertramp
Black teen boy #1: What the hell is this?
Black teen boy #2: What are you, stupid? This is what they call
misinterpretive dancing.
–Union Square
Woman: It’s a pity about that actress who stabbed someone with her knife. What’s her name? …Um…Reese?
Chick: Witherspoon?
Woman: No! With her knife!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Emilia
Suit #1: I know where we are.
Suit #2: Where?
Suit #1: On the corner!
–9th Street & 1st Avenue
Overheard by: Your Mom
Guy: Excuse me, can I tell you a joke?
Girl: …What?
Guy: Can I tell you a joke?
Girl: …No.
Guy: Are you su–
Girl: Didn’t you fucking hear me, you idiot?
She gets up and starts walking away.
Girl: Jesus Christ, these fucking…
–Central Park
Black guy: Man, nigga, you’re really dirty. I mean, you’re a slob, nigga. You’re…you’re a fucking Mexican.
–Union Square
Preppy guy: I wonder what those nerds are up to over there.
Indian chick: How can you tell they’re nerds from over here?
Preppy guy: The only girl with them has a really fat ass and one of the guys has a ponytail.
Indian chick: That’s pretty harsh.
Preppy guy: I just said they’re nerds. I’m sure they’re great people. Probably better than anybody we know.
Indian chick: You think so?
Preppy guy: No. They’re nerds.
–McGolrick Park, Greenpoint
Teen boy: Tweety Bird is a boy or girl?
Teen girl: It’s a boy. They got a blue Tweety too, I seen it.
Teen boy: Yeah yeah, they got a black Tweety Bird, too. I seen it before.
Teen girl: Where did you see a black Tweety? There ain’t no black Tweety, stupid.
–D train
Overheard by: christian koch
