Singing bag lady: My mother is a bitch! She’s a voodoo bitch. She’s a fucking whore. I hope that bitch gets cancer…the worst kind of cancer. She prevents me from getting a job with her voodoo.
–Bowling Green station
Overheard by: K2 Combo
Guy: That’s the last time I date a girl with a cape.
–Bryant Park station
Girl:…I don’t know why she hates me. She put a curse on me! But my mom took me to her healer and now I’m okay. I don’t really remember much, though.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Emily Y.
Urban Indian middle school kid: Yo, we gonna be feastin', son! We got all different types of curry!
Urban African American middle school kid: Shit, son.
–Outside of McKibbin Lofts, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mikey Andy
Screaming mom: You have no idea what goes on in this world! Open your eyes and get a goddamn clue already!
Laughing son, ignoring her: Derrr…
–Hudson & Bank
Overheard by: Anna Wolinsky
Black guy, yelling out of his car at cute girl crossing the street: Hey! You look like yo' white boyfriend call you fat, but mama, that alllllll good!
Cute girl: I have never felt so offended and so complimented at once. (deadpan) This must be love.
–Grand Army Plaza
Overheard by: aenigma
Knitting girl: Don't let your drunk girlfriend name your cat, because eventually you will break up with her and then you'll have a cat with a stupid name.
–The Point Knitting Cafe
Overheard by: Heather
Woman coming out of restroom, holding a bottle of liquid soap: You gotta keep the cat clean!
–NYU Hospital
Overheard by: A nurse who wish she wasn't sometimes!!
Female tourist, to herself: There are nine ways to skin a cat, and I know all of them.
–23rd & 8th
Man to woman, arguing: Fuck you, Nina, that's the point. You're not taking my cat!
–Central Park
Old man to friend, during lunch: I don't like cats' attitudes. Unlike dogs, they can be so aloof. Especially to Jews…
–Deli, 1st Ave
Overheard by: Allison
Employee #1: Do you know who that is?
Employee #2: Some total douchebag! What’s he selling, encyclopedias?
Employee #1: Uh, no, he’s the publisher of the New York Times.
–New York Times Cafeteria
CEO on phone: Fuck you! Just get me the things I need to make money.
–12th & Broadway
Overheard by: Jeremy
Older man wearing yarmulke, screaming into cell: Hi! I think I left a check for $19,000 in the armoire, can you check if its there? (pause) Oh, good! I was so worried! I will deposit it tomorrow! (pause) Yeah! I'm going over the bridge! (pause) Okay? I gotta go! Bye!
–Q Train
Frustrated girl on cell: I've only got a metro card and $20! I can't take the bus!
–85th & Columbus
Overheard by: Jesse D
Female student: My dad didn't pay two $200,000 for me to be a bartender.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Greg
Singing hobo: I work hard for the money, I work hard for the money, so you better work hard for me!
–W 4th St
Overheard by: DRC
Bursar office attendant: All we do is take yo money.
–Pratt Institute
Girl: Does your tan go away quicker when it’s cold out?
Guy #1: Yeah, it’s like why water turns white when it freezes.
Guy #2: You two are both idiots!
–58th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jester
(two girls walk by, dressed as Peter Pan and Tinkerbell)
Gay boy: Aww, she's so cute, that little fairy!
Flaming gay boy: (gives gay boy a look)
Gay boy: What?
Flaming gay boy: Fairies have bods. All fairies.
Gay boy (laughing): She wasn't that big.
Flaming gay boy: Bitch, fairies do not have rolls!
–LIRR
Man to woman after hearing a man sing “Amazing Grace”: Maybe it was the all-retarded hour at church.
–Bronx
Overheard by: ClaRity
Headline by: bobofthejungle
Runners-Up:
· “Another Happy Sunday with Simon and Paula.” – again
· “But It Still Beats the All-Amputee Hour at the Strip Club.” – SNA
· “Flowers For AlgerNun” – Paul K.
· “From Midget Masses to Handicapped Hymns, Mega-Churches Pull Out All The Stops” – stacey
· “They’re Down with God” – Rostkowski
