Girl #1: The professor was pretty insulted when I told her the joke.
Girl #2: What was the joke?
Girl #1: How do you get a dead baby into a box? Put it in a blender. How do you get a dead baby out of the box? With Tostitos!
Girl #2: That's gross.
Girl #1: My professor was pregnant.
–Fordham University
Guy #1: Dude, your mom’s a Coen brother.
Guy #2: Wait… Fuck you, dude.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: harlembound
Sassy lady on cell: I tell you, he got the wrong bitch pregnant!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Stunned!
Girl: Ugh, pregnancy would be like, so much worse than gonorrhea.
–John Jay Dining Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: jane
AT&T employee: Yeah, when I had my daughter I actually didn't have to stay overnight in the hospital. See, usually, after you have the baby, you have to pass the placenta. The doctor actually reached up inside me and just pulled it out, just like that. He told me I was fine to go home after that, so I did.
–AT&T Store, Union Square
20-something on cell: But I refused to go down on him…I told him I'm not ready to have a baby. (pause) Of course you can get pregnant by swallowing! Hello? Did you not take sex-ed in high school?
–61st St & Lexington Ave
Woman on cell: It's such a small opening, and it gets torn apart when you have a kid!
–42nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Weekender
20-something on cell: But I'm tired of always being pregnant.
–East Village
Overheard by: also tired
Girl #1: Last time I went to Target with Ken, it was sooo much fun. It was, like, one of the funnest days of my life.
Girl #2: Maybe today will be comparable!
Girl #1: Honey, I love you, but I doubt it.
–Bx9 bus
Overheard by: Sromeo
Metrosexual guy: If I was some fish…
Girl, not looking up from her bus schedule: Grammar just cried.
Metrosexual guy: I don’t follow you.
Girl: Good, because if you did, I would have to have you arrested.
Metrosexual guy: I am so confused.
Girl: Do the words ‘you are an idiot’ confuse you?
Metrosexual guy: I hate you.
–28th & 5th
Drunk girl on cell: What? Did you just call me a bitch?
Drunk guy five rows behind her: She called you a bitch? Kick her ass!
Drunk girl on cell : That's like…psychologically impossible.
Businessman next to her: Physically.
Drunk girl on cell to business man: Did you just call me a bitch?
–LIRR
Overheard by: Ross
Dealer: You got the rest of the money?
Buyer: Yeah, it's right here–look in the sock. (hands him sock)
Dealer, looking in sock: Bitch, I ain't no grocery! I ain't take yo' food stamps! (throws contents of sock–change and stamps–all on the ground)
–Nostrand Ave & St Mark's
Overheard by: whyileftbrooklyn
Singing bag lady: My mother is a bitch! She’s a voodoo bitch. She’s a fucking whore. I hope that bitch gets cancer…the worst kind of cancer. She prevents me from getting a job with her voodoo.
–Bowling Green station
Overheard by: K2 Combo
Guy: That’s the last time I date a girl with a cape.
–Bryant Park station
Girl:…I don’t know why she hates me. She put a curse on me! But my mom took me to her healer and now I’m okay. I don’t really remember much, though.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Emily Y.
Urban Indian middle school kid: Yo, we gonna be feastin', son! We got all different types of curry!
Urban African American middle school kid: Shit, son.
–Outside of McKibbin Lofts, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mikey Andy
Screaming mom: You have no idea what goes on in this world! Open your eyes and get a goddamn clue already!
Laughing son, ignoring her: Derrr…
–Hudson & Bank
Overheard by: Anna Wolinsky
