Mother: You know that she has learning disabilities, right? You know what it means when someone has a learning disability?
Eight-year-old girl: I should get myself a lawyer. No one ever tells me anything.
–1 train from 86th
Overheard by: David Lock
Chick #1: Oh my god, that girl just opened her mouth so wide she could swallow the world.
Chick #2: Seriously, I think she just swallowed me. And while I was in there, there were three children with me…and a lhasa apso.
–44th & 2nd
A little tries to stuff his baseball cap in his pants.
Mother: That cap belongs on your head!
Little boy: It is on my head.
–Macy’s, West 34th Street
Teen Asian boy: So, the spelling bee–
Teen Indian girl: Was one of the kids Indian?
Teen Asian boy: Yeah, there was an Indian kid and a white kid.
Teen Indian girl: So typical. My parents entered me in a spelling bee and I was fucking horrible.
Teen Asian boy: Ha, ha, ha! Anyway, there were those two kids and I just wanted to throw PlayStations at them and yell, “I’m setting you free! I’m setting you free!”
–McDonalds, Union Square
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Little boy: My favorite part of the game is when I get to kill, but you only get to kill other people in the wilderness.
–1 train
Overheard by: STD
Little girl: Don’t pull my hair!
Mom: I wasn’t! I was just holding on.
Little girl: To my hair?
–D train
Little boy: You know what the problem is with clowns these days? They
try and do magic, too.
–Target, Atlantic Center
Overheard by: Mater Baiter
Man: You know my name. What is my name?
Little girl: Daddy.
Man: Then why are you hitting me in the face?
–M14 bus
Hipster girl: I though she was like, moving to Africa or some shit to save the children or something.
Hipster boy: Well that didn’t happen. She moved to Williamsburg to save the trendy from hurting themselves with accessories.
–Happy Valley, East 27th Street
Guy: Hey look, it’s fucking Rudolph. You gonna gimme a ride, Rudolph? You faggot.
Little girl: Yeah, all reindeers are faggots. All reindeers are faggots, you faggot reindeer.
–46th & Broadway
