Kid : What kind of things do you make?
Balloon-twisting clown: Animals, minerals, vegetables. That kind of thing.
–Gramercy Street Fair, 3rd Ave
Kid : What kind of things do you make?
Balloon-twisting clown: Animals, minerals, vegetables. That kind of thing.
–Gramercy Street Fair, 3rd Ave
Conductor #1: If you are traveling with small child, the elderly, or the intoxicated, be sure to take them by the hand as there is a large gap between the train and the station platform.
Conductor #2: Dude, shut up.
Conductor #1: Roger that.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: One of the intoxicated
Girl: I mean, I never want to get married. Like… never. But I really want babies. So I guess I’m just going to have a bastard.
–Marquet Cafe, 15 East 12th St
Overheard by: Grace
Little boy: You be the president, and I’ll be the terrorist.
–Queens Blvd & 63rd St
Overheard by: Nina
An Israeli guy is reading a newspaper in Hebrew.
Kid: What language is that? Russian or something?
Israeli guy: No, it’s Hebrew. It might look a little like Russian, but you read it from right to left
Kid: Really? That must be hard.
–3 train
Little girl around 8 years old: I’m going to kill you.
Little girl #2: You can’t. You don’t have a knife.
Little girl #1: I didn’t mean violently. I meant humorously.
–56th & 6th
Overheard by: Nina
Mother: You know that she has learning disabilities, right? You know what it means when someone has a learning disability?
Eight-year-old girl: I should get myself a lawyer. No one ever tells me anything.
–1 train from 86th
Overheard by: David Lock
Chick #1: Oh my god, that girl just opened her mouth so wide she could swallow the world.
Chick #2: Seriously, I think she just swallowed me. And while I was in there, there were three children with me…and a lhasa apso.
–44th & 2nd
A little tries to stuff his baseball cap in his pants.
Mother: That cap belongs on your head!
Little boy: It is on my head.
–Macy’s, West 34th Street
Teen Asian boy: So, the spelling bee–
Teen Indian girl: Was one of the kids Indian?
Teen Asian boy: Yeah, there was an Indian kid and a white kid.
Teen Indian girl: So typical. My parents entered me in a spelling bee and I was fucking horrible.
Teen Asian boy: Ha, ha, ha! Anyway, there were those two kids and I just wanted to throw PlayStations at them and yell, “I’m setting you free! I’m setting you free!”
–McDonalds, Union Square
Overheard by: Rachel W.
