Queer #1: What should we do tonight? Something fun.
Queer #2: We could pierce something?
–Starbucks, Lower East Side
Overheard by: nicolina
Queer #1: What should we do tonight? Something fun.
Queer #2: We could pierce something?
–Starbucks, Lower East Side
Overheard by: nicolina
Nerdy serious white guy: See, that's what's great about going to Afghanistan. I'm no good at talking to women.
–N Train
Overheard by: annearchist
Nerd walking into archaeology class from noisy hallway: Do you hear the roman legion?
–Hunter College
Nerdy guy on cell: Yeah, she's an exhibitionist. She needs to be punished, but who's going to do it?
–JCPenny
Geeky Korean kid outside high school: I'm not really bad. I'm, like, medium-bad. You know, like, bad… But still good.
–Flushing, Queens
Overheard by: Samantha
Nerd to another: Your entire belief system is based on the rotundity of Darth Vader… That is a farce.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Nicole
Girl, during auction for Haiti: I want to motorboat Susan Sarandon. Can I bid on that?
Guy: I don't see why not. It's pretty much like a handshake, except between your face and her tits.
–SPIN NY
Man #1: This subway smells like citrus fruit.
Man #2: Yeah, Mr. Lemonhead got killed here.
Woman: I peed on his face once.
–2nd Avenue station
Overheard by: Tourist in Town
Girlfriend: But why did he buy two Mexican wrestling masks?
Boyfriend: I mean, probably to wear during sex.
Girlfriend: Ew, really?
Boyfriend: Well, yeah. Or to wear while beating off.
Girlfriend: Ew. Like, while looking in the mirror?
Boyfriend: No.
–6th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: aclare
Angry musclebound gentleman on phone: Wait, you're telling me you had people watching us fuck the whole time? (pause) Actually, that's pretty hot.
Musclebound companion: Yeah, real hot.
–23rd & 8th
Queer: Is it wrong to think of my brother while I’m getting fucked in the ass?
Girl: Oh my god, I thought I was the only freak that thought that!
–Times Square
Overheard by: eavesdropper
Lady yuppie: I’m going to be in Williamsburg in half an hour. There’s a pig I need to buy. Wanna get a drink?
–12th St & 7th Ave
Fancy lady on cell: Hey, Andrea, it’s me. Just wanted to see how you were doing… And if you got a new pig… Call me back!
–4th St, between 1st Ave & Ave A
Overheard by: queemy’s mommy
Drunk guy: I basically had pigs eating shit out of my ass!
–4th St & 1st Ave
Hipster girl: You know Mabel’s dead, right?
Hipster boy: [Snickers.]
–9th St & Ave B
Overheard by: Rebecca Katherine Hirsch
Headline by: troy
Runners-Up:
· “And hen I heard about 9/11 I laughed so hard the milk came out my nose” – David Reitmeyer
· “If I Knew You Were Going To Take That Attitude, I’d Never Have Named The Fetus” – ED
· “Stan never thought about the awkward exchange AFTER you put your girlfriend’s cat in the microwave” – alexcalibur
· “There are people named mabel who are still ALIVE?!” – mimi marquez
Girl #1: …I mean, I can think of plenty better reasons why I shouldn’t date him than the fact that we’re semi-related.
Girl #2: …Um, I don’t think a better reason exists than that one.
Girl #1: You are really turning it into something that it’s not. the key word here is “semi”.
Girl #2: No! The key word here is “related“!
–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station
