Girl, during auction for Haiti: I want to motorboat Susan Sarandon. Can I bid on that?
Guy: I don't see why not. It's pretty much like a handshake, except between your face and her tits.
–SPIN NY
Girl, during auction for Haiti: I want to motorboat Susan Sarandon. Can I bid on that?
Guy: I don't see why not. It's pretty much like a handshake, except between your face and her tits.
–SPIN NY
Man #1: This subway smells like citrus fruit.
Man #2: Yeah, Mr. Lemonhead got killed here.
Woman: I peed on his face once.
–2nd Avenue station
Overheard by: Tourist in Town
Girlfriend: But why did he buy two Mexican wrestling masks?
Boyfriend: I mean, probably to wear during sex.
Girlfriend: Ew, really?
Boyfriend: Well, yeah. Or to wear while beating off.
Girlfriend: Ew. Like, while looking in the mirror?
Boyfriend: No.
–6th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: aclare
Angry musclebound gentleman on phone: Wait, you're telling me you had people watching us fuck the whole time? (pause) Actually, that's pretty hot.
Musclebound companion: Yeah, real hot.
–23rd & 8th
Queer: Is it wrong to think of my brother while I’m getting fucked in the ass?
Girl: Oh my god, I thought I was the only freak that thought that!
–Times Square
Overheard by: eavesdropper
Lady yuppie: I’m going to be in Williamsburg in half an hour. There’s a pig I need to buy. Wanna get a drink?
–12th St & 7th Ave
Fancy lady on cell: Hey, Andrea, it’s me. Just wanted to see how you were doing… And if you got a new pig… Call me back!
–4th St, between 1st Ave & Ave A
Overheard by: queemy’s mommy
Drunk guy: I basically had pigs eating shit out of my ass!
–4th St & 1st Ave
Hipster girl: You know Mabel’s dead, right?
Hipster boy: [Snickers.]
–9th St & Ave B
Overheard by: Rebecca Katherine Hirsch
Headline by: troy
Runners-Up:
· “And hen I heard about 9/11 I laughed so hard the milk came out my nose” – David Reitmeyer
· “If I Knew You Were Going To Take That Attitude, I’d Never Have Named The Fetus” – ED
· “Stan never thought about the awkward exchange AFTER you put your girlfriend’s cat in the microwave” – alexcalibur
· “There are people named mabel who are still ALIVE?!” – mimi marquez
Girl #1: …I mean, I can think of plenty better reasons why I shouldn’t date him than the fact that we’re semi-related.
Girl #2: …Um, I don’t think a better reason exists than that one.
Girl #1: You are really turning it into something that it’s not. the key word here is “semi”.
Girl #2: No! The key word here is “related“!
–Hoyt-Schermerhorn station
Guy #1: Jackhammering is when you’re banging her head against the wall repeatedly while plowing her.
Guy #2: No, that’s a battering-ram.
Guy #1: Well, I prefer Rodney King style, beating her senseless while taking care of business.
Guy #2: Could you say that louder? One cook back there didn’t hear you.
–Margaritaville, Grand Central
Overheard by: Lizzerd
Girl #1: Well he’s only ten years older than me!
Girl #2: That’s almost rape! Sweetie, he’s probably some sick pedophile.
Girl #1: It’s not so bad…When I was sixteen he was only 24, right?
Girl #2: Well at least you’re intellectual equivalents.
Girl #1: What’s that?
–L train
