Man: How do you get suspended on the first day of school in first grade?
–Lobby, Madison & 27th
Man: How do you get suspended on the first day of school in first grade?
–Lobby, Madison & 27th
Son: Mom, can I go and see Santa?
Mom: You ain’t sittin’ your big black ass on some white Santa!
–Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: Confused white person
A big crazy man walking his dog says: So whadda ya wanna do? You wanna watch Lassie? Or how ’bout Rin Tin Tin? Or whadda ’bout da Little Rascals?…Hmm…OK…Yeah, you’re right, let’s not watch dat. Lassie is a fucking lesbian and Rin Tin Tin is a fag.
–Sullivan Street
Overheard by: Brock
Guy #1: With that hat and beard you look like a Jewish rabbi.
Guy #2: Dude, it’s not cool to make fun of people who aren’t Jewish.
–Port Authority
Overheard by: Justin
Guy on cell: Don’t play games with me or I’ll break your fuckin’ nose. Have you got the money? Where’s the fuckin’ money?
–47th & 5th
Overheard by: Adam Bertocci
Ghetto kid on cell: Yo, yo, you don’t want to play football? …Right, right, so just when you tackle them, put your hand in their pockets and take their money!
–M14 bus
Hobo: God, lady, I’m not asking for a million dollars; I’m just asking for some change!
–14th between 5th & University
Overheard by: theNJl
Biker dude: She’s a shrink and a psychiatrist, so you know she’s rollin’ in money.
–Starbucks, 27th & Park
Overheard by: Brawny McBrawnerson
Guy: Why are you wearing tuxedo pants?
Jon Stewart: I want to raise my baby formally. It’s black tie in the
house.
—Daily Show studios, 51st & 11th
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Girl: I think it’s “Alzheimer’s”; they’re old but it’s not “Oldsheimer’s”.
–57th and 3rd
Guy: I’ll have a pretzel.
Vendor man: What kind?
Guy: Plain.
Vendor man: No salt?
Guy: No. With salt.
Vendor man: Salt is not plain.
Guy: Okay, with salt. Is that extra?
Vendor man: No, salt is salt. The other is plain. Like white people.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie
Black teen hipster #1: Why are there so many white people on the 2 train this late at night?
Black teen hipster #2: Please. All these white people are getting off at 96th Street.
Train stops at 96th. The white people leave the train.
Black Teen Hipster #2: Watch ’em all scamper away!
–2 train
Man: …so how’ve you been?
Woman: Been good, you know I’m done with bein’ bad.
Man: Nah, why’s that?
Woman: My thighs hurt.
–24th & Park
Overheard by: Kathryn Galloway
