Guy: The thing about Cronenberg is that you have to appreciate him in
context to what he does…which is often unappreciable.
–Belmont Lounge, East 15th Street
Guy: The thing about Cronenberg is that you have to appreciate him in
context to what he does…which is often unappreciable.
–Belmont Lounge, East 15th Street
Very large man, pointing at a McDonald’s: Where were you last night at 3 a.m. when I was craving you?
–49th & 9th
Man wearing an “I Heart My Heart” shirt, to guy eating fast food: You’re just aching for that heart attack, aren’t you?
–46th & Broadway
Angry burger flipper: Making Big Macs is complex. It’s 2 all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun…And then it gets even more confusing, ’cause people all have their special requests, like no special sauce. And that just throws shit off. The Whopper is so easy. It don’t have shit on us.
–M11 bus
Asian girl, screaming into cell: I said, “Quiero Taco Bell!”
–33rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Kelsey
Foreign tourist to cabbie: How much to go to K…F…C?
–Broadway between 38th & 39th
Overheard by: Gregorio
Old man: Enjoy your looks while you still have them.
Girl: Oh, we’ve got a long time before we have to start worrying.
Old man: No, you don’t. Just remember: men age, women rot.
–12th & B
Fashion queer #1: I wish the new Apple store sold food.
Fashion queer #2: They should sell food — then it would be, like, one-stop-shopping on our lunch hour.
–Elevator, 5th & 59th
Overheard by: Lubes
Girl: …because I feel like we’re going out. It’s just that he won’t call me.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, E 14th St
Overheard by: MK
Homegirl to boyfriend: No, no, that’s not what I said, that’s what you heard.
–1st & Ave B
Overheard by: Mollena
Girl: In the last few years, every time I go away to Paris with someone, I end up breaking up with them.
–San Loco, 7th St & 2nd Ave
B&T girl #1 to B&T girl #2: If you lived in NYC, you’d totally find a boyfriend. You totally, totally would.
–LIRR to Penn Station
Overheard by: Pia Peanutbuttas
Sassy chick: I was having a glass of wine with him, and he didn’t have anything to say to me. So I licked his ear.
–Harlem
Overheard by: McN
Shrewd observer: That’s not dating. It’s called being on parole.
–West Building, Hunter College
Woman on cell: Well, I happen to like our Goddamn relationship, thank you very much!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Mike
Young Woman: Are you part Italian?
Older Woman: I’m Italian by injection!
–Private party, NYC
Waiter: Would you like to order now?
Man: No, I’m waiting for my sister.
Waiter: You said before that you were waiting for your wife.
Man: No, I didn’t. I said it was my sister.
Waiter: No, you didn’t.
Man: Would you like to be in movies?
Waiter: No, why?
Man: You have a really nice speaking voice. You should think about it.
Waiter: You really think so?
Man: Yeah. I make movies. You should give it a try.
–Lyric Diner, 22nd & 3rd
Queer: Who’s Joey Ramone?
Hipster girl: Oh my God, are you kidding me?
Queer: Uh, no. Who is he?
Hipster girl: He’s a singer! He was like, in some huge band in the ’80s!
Queer: What band?
Hipster girl: Um…
Queer: See? You don’t know who the hell he is either. You don’t even know what band he was in.
Hipster girl: It’s on the tip of my tongue…
Queer: Sure.
Hipster girl: Oh well, I can’t think of it. I think he’s dead now anyway. Who cares.
–Irving Plaza
Overheard by: i hope they were joking
Crazy guy: Do you see what I put up with? That’s it, it’s over. We have not had sex in ten years. She says she don’t need it…Then I have to sleep with nigger whores. That’s right, Joan, I said it. I sleep with nigger whores, even some white whores. That’s the only way I can get off now.
–Da Andrea, Hudson Street
Girl #1: So, yeah, his dick was this big (stretches fingers). I guess the rumors about black guys are true.
Girl #2: Kinda reminds me of my dad.
Girl #1: What?
Girl #2, awkwardly: I was only joking!
–Broadway
