Romance Is Dead, but Wednesday One-Liners Keep on Coming

Guy to girlfriend: Will you just hold my fucking hand?

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: waiting for my prince charming

Guy: You know, I used to think cheating on girls was wrong.

–Whitestone, Queens

Overheard by: Michelle

Young woman, looking at Lolita book jacket: Wow. This kind of reminds me of my relationship.

–Borders, 33rd & 7th

Overheard by: with a K

Man on cell: No, dear, I do not want to hear what you’re doing to yourself right now.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Alexandra

Woman, to man she’s just kissed: What was your name again?

–2nd St & 1st Ave

Man on cell: My wife is driving me crazy! She keeps following my girlfriend around! Wait, hold on, I have to take this call. Hello…Yeah I just stepped out of the office for a few minutes… Thanks, honey, you’re the best.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Sara Swank

Girl on cell: He liked me too much, so I fuckin’ dumped him.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: buffalo

Posted on September 29, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Body Parts, Books & Writing, Breaking Up, Cell Phone, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Gripes, Infidelity, Lies, Marriage, Masturbation, Names, Promiscuity, Questions, Relationships, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

I Miss My Old Boss

Girl#1: And he was all like, “Boo hoo, I wish you were here to take care of me. Come snuggle.”
Girl#2: Aww! That’s sweet.
Girl#1: Ew! No it’s not! [after rolling eyes and taking sip of coffee] that’s what his fucking wife is for…
Girl#2: I… Do you hear yourself?
Girl#1: Fuck you!

–NYU

Posted on September 25, 2014
Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Default, Friends, Girls, Gripes, Insults, Marriage, NYU, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness

Like my sister.

Man: I am concerned about breeding.
Friend: Breeding?!
Man: Yeah, you know — Jews are pretty inbred. I’m probably going to have kids with three fingers or something. I should have married someone into running — big and athletic.

–Central Park Reservoir

Headline by: Brooklyn Twang

Runners-Up:
· “But Jews Do Run. They Run Everything.” – Rottin’ in Denmark
· “Instead Of That Gimp Cousin Of Mine” – Uberjim
· “The E in EHarmony Stands for Eugenics” – quazarfreez
· “The Final Solution 2.0” – Scott Gresham
· “They’re Called Germans: But They May Not Be So Into That…” – Caitorade
· “You Know, Someone Who Could Win a “Master Race”” – Mike T

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on September 25, 2014
Babies, Central Park, Friends, Headline Contest Winners, Jews, Judaism, Marriage, Men, Questions

There's Nothing Sexier Than the C-Word

Five-year-old boy at young nanny as they wait in line: Mimi? You're the “c” word.
Mimi, looking shocked: The “c” word? What do you mean?
Five-year-old boy: You know… C-e-x-y. Will you marry me?

–Checkout Line, Columbus Circle Whole Foods

Overheard by: tinyfoo

Posted on September 22, 2014
Girls, Glad the Condom Broke, Kids, Marriage, Weirdness, Whole Foods, Words

Just Keep the Veil Down and Hope for the Best

Harried-looking maid of honor: You make the most beautiful blushing bride!
Bridezilla: I'm not blushing! I have rosacea!

–Ladies Room, Tavern On The Green

Overheard by: Really was blushing…

Posted on September 17, 2014
Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Central Park, Compliments, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Marriage, Physical appearance

Sorry, but My Heart Belongs to an HIV-Positive Junkie Musician

Drunk hobo to punk chick: Hey, where you goin sexy?
Punk chick: Fuck off.
Drunk hobo: I'm gonna fuckin marry you, you just watch, I'm gonna fuckin marry you!

–St Mark's & 2nd Ave

Posted on September 14, 2014
Drunks, Girls, Hobos, Homeless, Insults, Marriage, Punks, Union Square and East Village

Wednesday One-Linezillas

Teenage bride-to-be on cell: …yeah. But, no, I’m totally ready to walk across the aisle.

–Target, South Bronx

Overheard by: so this is the bronx

Suit: You expect me to spend the rest of my life with only one woman? One woman? One godforsaken woman?

–42nd St & Madison

Hula hoop guy to tourist couple: Sir! I’ll show you! You don’t have to do it, but hula hoops have saved a lot of marriages!

–Washington Square Park

Old woman to imaginary friend: I’d make a great wife, mothafucka!

–F train

Overheard by: Trying Not to Laugh

Girl: Can I do your brother at one of your weddings?

–Monitor St, Brooklyn

Young woman on cell: Well yeah, but he didn’t sleep with your bridesmaids.

–82nd & Lex

Man on cell: Ok, fine! You want to get married?

–Upper West Side

Posted on September 13, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Brooklyn, Hook Ups, Infidelity, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, On the Subway, Store, Suits, Teens, The Bronx, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park

JDate Just Crashed

Hobo: Hey baby, will you marry me? Wanna get married?
Girl: No thanks.
Hobo: Will if you won’t marry me, will you at least go on a date?
Girl: I guess I’d be paying.

–Astor Place

Posted on September 10, 2014
Hobos, Manhattan, Marriage, Money & Class, Sex & Relationships, Union Square and East Village

Wait ’til He’s Strung Out and Call the Preacher — It’s That Simple!

Chick #1: Who am I kidding? I don’t even have anyone to marry.
Chick #2: That’s why you should come to Mona’s and meet a nice drug addict.

–Sbarro, 49th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ellen

Posted on September 9, 2014
Advice, Girls, Hard Drugs, Marriage, Not New York

Marriage