Moms

Crazy guy: Look at you people. All y’all paying eighteen, nineteen hundred dollars rent. I pay two dollars rent! And I get a free transfer!

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Heather

Smoking girl: I’m just not going to put all of this money and time into this degree and then take a job that pays less than $100,000 after I graduate. I mean, I’m just *not*.

–Outside Fayerweather Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Bored street fundraiser for the homeless: Just one penny, people. Just one penny. Blah, blah, blah.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Farley

Crazy guy: You motherfucking actors with all your fucking money and shit… I hate you… But boy did I want to be an actor when I was young.

–Outside NBC Studios, 49th & 6th

Overheard by: Ross

Frustrated booth operator, yelling at an argumentative tourist: Lady, this subway hasn’t used tokens in over seven years! And that ain’t even a token… It’s a one collar coin!

–Subway, Spring & Lafayette

Overheard by: NYC Tourists Never Cease to Amaze Me

50-something ticket collector to high school girl: Don’t worry, I didn’t forget your change. (pause) I will never forget you. (walks away)

–Metro-North Train

Mother to young daughter running down the street: Get over here before I make change outta that five dollar ass!

–168 & Broadway

(dad playing with little kids on slide, son screams)
Mom: Just a minute, honey, daddy is too busy playing with other people's children.
Dad (coming over to son): And mommy is too busy being passive aggressive.

–Central Park Playground

Overheard by: Amused Babysitter

Mom: Yeah, he said trannies really aren’t his thing, so I guess we’ll have to ask someone else.
Daughter: Wait, what?
Mom: You know, transmissions. Why, what did you think?
Daughter: Ummm…

–JFK

Overheard by: trooshieb

Mother: Don't be embarrassed if I teach you some internet safety rule.
11- year-old girl: Yeah, by telling me the million and one things they can do to me.

–97th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: NYC Kid

Mother: So, if you could be any animal, which do you think would represent you the best? I think a horse fits you.
Daughter: What? A horse? No. I want to be a unicorn.
Mother: You’re mentally ill.

–Balthazar, Spring & Crosby

Overheard by: apples

Four-year-old: Mooooom! I want deseeeeeert!
Yuppie mom: No, sweetie, you didn't finish your sandwich.
Four-year-old: You have no soul!

–Whole Foods, TriBeCa

Overheard by: Has Cookies

Mom: You haven’t seen her in three years. Why don’t you just invite someone you don’t know? Why don’t you just open the phone book and point to a name at random and invite that person?
Little boy: Oh, yeah!

–W 100th & Columbus Ave

Overheard by: Philanthropist

Woman, to young daughter: See? That's a banana, this is the “peel.” P-e-a-l.
Man across the aisle: It's spelled p-e-a-l only when it's for a bell.
Woman, indignantly: Bells don't have peels!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: P. Marino

Mom #1, noting a pigeon: Cute bird!
Boy: Hm. Birds.
Mom #2: We, for instance, eat birds. What kind of birds do we eat?
Boy: Quail!

–5th Ave, Park Slope

Woman #1: She’s very weird.
Woman #2: You’re calling your daughter weird?
Woman #1: She came running into the kitchen this morning with a belt around her neck asking if it would make a good necklace.

–Penn Station