Court clerk: Your summons says you must serve on the grand jury. Why are you asking for a postponement?
Juror: 4 weeks is too much.
Court clerk: It’s too much for everyone [waves hand at other 200 potential jurors], yet somehow I don’t see everyone storming the Bastille. You’re serving.
–NY State Supreme Court, Centre St
Overheard by: TW
9-year-old girl: Mommy, please can we leave? This doesn’t even make any sense! It’s stupid.
Mommy: Sweetie, it’s not supposed to make sense. It’s senseless art. They’re making fun of real art.
–Dada exhibit, MoMA
Black guy: I can not believe mah baby girl just graduated from high school! Come on, honey, I’ll let you pick where we gonna go fo’ dinner: Denny’s or White Castle?
–Yonkers High School
Overheard by: Snow White
Ghetto girl graduate: Ya’ll wanna go to Red Lobstah or what?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Kaitlyn
Girl: Do you want to go get some coffee?
Queer: No way! I don’t want to feel like a fat whore.
–H&M, Herald Square
Tourist: Will you take $20 for that bag?
Street vendor: Twenty? You’ve got nerve. I’ll pray for you.
Tourist: Pray that someone is stupid enough to pay more than twenty bucks for that plastic piece of shit.
–52nd & Madison
Hipster girl: She was all, “Yeah, Betsy is my best friend,” and I was like, “Best friend? That is so fucking bourgeois.”
–L train
Girl: I know you made it. Look at you. You got a BlackBerry. Yeah, you made it. You got that good-smelling leather.
–Elevator, 12th & 5th
Overheard by: Thirsty Violet
Professor lady: Yes, we’ll be going into debt a lot as the semester goes on.
–Parsons School of Design
Overheard by: Ray
Teen boy: Anyone on this train wanna buy some candy? It’s not for a basketball team or something, it’s for me so I can buy more candy.
–2 train
Overheard by: Sarah
Intercom: Please take a headset before you get on the plane, because they’re free now. They’re actually free once you get on the plane, but I charge $50 labor for bringing them to you once you’re on. So it’s in your best interests to take one now. Can you tell I’m a happy person?
–LaGuardia
Chick: I’m not even gonna try applying for a Gap card; they’ll never give it to me. I don’t know what it is about Gap; they always know if you have bad credit.
–The Gap, 34th & Broadway
Overheard by: Dianora
Tween boy: What do you mean, I can’t get anything? I’m the one with a job.
–Key Food, Park Slope
Overheard by: Shack
Santa: Hey, can you reach into my backpack and hand my my wig and the Zoloft?
–52nd & 5th
Overheard by: gear baachz
Girl #1: Don’t laugh while I tell you this! Channel Chris Parnell!
Girl #2: Ha, ha, ha!…I’m sorry, I have to pull a Jimmy Fallon.
–Banc Cafe, 30th & 3rd
Woman: C’mon, please move into the train.
Guy: Would you like to crawl into my asshole?
–1 train, 34th Street station
HS guy: Would you like to buy a bag of M&M’s to support our basketball team?
Chick: Sorry.
HS guy: Come on, just one bag, we’re raising funds for our team–
Chick: Sorry. I’m sorry.
HS guy: “Sorry”, what is that, “sorry”? Why don’t you just say “no” if you mean no? Why don’t you just say “no“?
–13th & Broadway
Overheard by: Lily
