Wednesday One-Liners Make the Cover of People

Tween boy: Then Tom Cruise and Will Smith get married and have babies.

–74th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Rachel

3 year old: Ahhh, my mouth is on fire! My mouth is on fire! Help me, Tom Cruise!

–89th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex

Man to girlfriend: Shit, I like that Martha Stewart. She a gangsta in disguise.

–Kmart, Astor Place

Guy: He is like the L. Ron Hubbard of Teach for America.

–Lenny’s, 77th & 2nd

Overheard by: Rebecca

Crazy guy: You fuckers don’t deserve to be here! John Lennon died for peace and tolerance! Get the fuck out of here, queers! John died for peace and humanity!

— 72nd & Central Park West

Overheard by: emily

Chick on cell: Yeah, he wouldn’t watch my kid last night because he was hanging out with Wilmer Valderrama.

–1st Ave between 12th & 13th

Hobo: Betty Boop killed Martin Luther King!

–1 train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Posted on September 6, 2006
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Death, Gripes, Health and Hygiene, Kids, Marriage, Movies, Murder, Music, Offers and requests, Politics, Religion, Stupidity, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Weirdness

Why You Should Not Model Your Life After TV Commercials

Man, yelling: I love this woman! I love this woman!
Woman: So where’s the ring?

–51st & 7th

Overheard by: kt

Posted on August 25, 2006
Couples, Love, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, Questions

It Brings Back Too Many Memories

Male student #1: Your sister has the best tasting punani in New York.
Male student #2: I’ll pay for lunch if you promise not to say that again.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wish I Knew His Sister

Posted on August 18, 2006
Columbia University, Eating Out, Family Ties, Offers and requests, Players, Students, Vagina

How the Seeds of Revolution Get Planted

Court clerk: Your summons says you must serve on the grand jury. Why are you asking for a postponement?
Juror: 4 weeks is too much.
Court clerk: It’s too much for everyone [waves hand at other 200 potential jurors], yet somehow I don’t see everyone storming the Bastille. You’re serving.

–NY State Supreme Court, Centre St

Overheard by: TW

Posted on August 15, 2006
Buildings, Clerks, Compare/Contrast, History & Geography, Men, Offers and requests, Talking/Convos, Time

Note to Self: Buy 9-Year-Old-Girl Costume to Wear to Art Openings

9-year-old girl: Mommy, please can we leave? This doesn’t even make any sense! It’s stupid.
Mommy: Sweetie, it’s not supposed to make sense. It’s senseless art. They’re making fun of real art.

–Dada exhibit, MoMA

Posted on August 15, 2006
Idiots, Kids, Moms, Museums, Offers and requests, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, Visual Art

Wednesday One-Liners Were Separated at Birth

Black guy: I can not believe mah baby girl just graduated from high school! Come on, honey, I’ll let you pick where we gonna go fo’ dinner: Denny’s or White Castle?

–Yonkers High School

Overheard by: Snow White

Ghetto girl graduate: Ya’ll wanna go to Red Lobstah or what?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Kaitlyn

Posted on July 5, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Compliments, Education, Food, Offers and requests, Parents, Questions, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

I Just Want to Shop for Cheap, Ill-Fitting Clothes

Girl: Do you want to go get some coffee?
Queer: No way! I don’t want to feel like a fat whore.

–H&M, Herald Square

Posted on June 27, 2006
Coffee, Diet/Weight, Girls, Offers and requests, Queer guys, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality

It Was Going to Be a Present for Someone Special

Tourist: Will you take $20 for that bag?
Street vendor: Twenty? You’ve got nerve. I’ll pray for you.
Tourist: Pray that someone is stupid enough to pay more than twenty bucks for that plastic piece of shit.

–52nd & Madison

Posted on June 19, 2006
Comebacks, Insults, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, Shopping, Tourists, Vendors & Street Performers

The Wednesday One-liners Class Struggle

Hipster girl: She was all, “Yeah, Betsy is my best friend,” and I was like, “Best friend? That is so fucking bourgeois.”

–L train

Girl: I know you made it. Look at you. You got a BlackBerry. Yeah, you made it. You got that good-smelling leather.

–Elevator, 12th & 5th

Overheard by: Thirsty Violet

Professor lady: Yes, we’ll be going into debt a lot as the semester goes on.

–Parsons School of Design

Overheard by: Ray

Teen boy: Anyone on this train wanna buy some candy? It’s not for a basketball team or something, it’s for me so I can buy more candy.

–2 train

Overheard by: Sarah

Intercom: Please take a headset before you get on the plane, because they’re free now. They’re actually free once you get on the plane, but I charge $50 labor for bringing them to you once you’re on. So it’s in your best interests to take one now. Can you tell I’m a happy person?

–LaGuardia

Chick: I’m not even gonna try applying for a Gap card; they’ll never give it to me. I don’t know what it is about Gap; they always know if you have bad credit.

–The Gap, 34th & Broadway

Overheard by: Dianora

Tween boy: What do you mean, I can’t get anything? I’m the one with a job.

–Key Food, Park Slope

Overheard by: Shack

Posted on February 15, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Blackberry, Business and Commerce, Clothing, Education, Friendship, Gripes, Jobs & Careers, Junk Food & Fast Food, Money & Class, Names, Offers and requests, Politics, Questions, Scents of the City, School and studying, Shopping, Stupidity, Time, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary, Words

Offers and requests