Man selling kitchen knives: Would you like to buy some knives?
Lady: That’s a really stupid thing you’re doing — walking around on a moving train with knives. It’s dangerous!
Man selling kitchen knives: Well, maybe you’re a fucking bitch!
–C train
Man selling kitchen knives: Would you like to buy some knives?
Lady: That’s a really stupid thing you’re doing — walking around on a moving train with knives. It’s dangerous!
Man selling kitchen knives: Well, maybe you’re a fucking bitch!
–C train
Tween boy #1: You don’t know what AIDS is.
Tween boy #2: Yeah I do. AIDS are what you get when a boy sticks his pee-pee in a girl’s coochee and he gets a disease.
–C train
Thug: I love you because when I'm with you I feel like I'm Barack Obama and you're Hillary Clinton.
–N Train
All-black-wearing chick with cigarette: Do you ever find yourself thinking really conservative thoughts by accident?
–Outside International Affairs Building, Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Subway crazy: Rip Torn for president! Denny McLain for Secretary of State!
–Uptown 6 Train
Girl with baby in her arms: You know, he taped an Obama poster on his door and I was like, "Oh no, you didn't put that up." 'cause he don't know nothing about politics. Hell, he a felon…he can't even vote.
–East Village Urban Outfitters
Five-year-old boy pointing at a sidewalk mural of Hillary and Obama: Mom, look, Hillary! (long pause) And some guy.
–106th & Broadway
Overheard by: Kip
Grumpy old man: Things have been going downhill since the Wilson administration.
–70th & Columbus
Overheard by: Devoted Puppy
Drunk Girl #1: You’ve been stealing my tampons! Bitch!
Drunk Girl #2: Who are you?
–A train
Overheard by: Ben Somma
Loud, shit-faced Asian girl to strangers: You want some of this? I mean, don’t get me wrong. I love sex. [falls forward, taps stranger on forehead.] herro! Anybody home?! [laughs hysterically].
–Metro North
Drunk chick: Fuck technology, first it kills the bees, now it’s killing my ovaries!
–A Train
Drunk guy: Last night I shit on my balls!
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Drunk girl to drunk boyfriend: Well, you fingered me in the cab!
–A Train
Drunk preppy businessman: Just tell her to put the oil in the noodles and rub it all over the chest…
–33rd & Broadway
Overheard by: voluptuousgrl
Drunk girl in the bathroom, picking up plastic bag from the garbage: Whose baby is this?!?!
–Madison Square Garden Bathroom
Man #1 (referring to Sarah Palin): Yeah, she's beautiful. She'll eventually become a TV star… Fox'll give her a job.
Man #2: Exactly. I wouldn't want her to be president, but I'd want to see her naked.
–7 Train
Overheard by: emma
A little boy sees his mom’s reflection in the window.
Boy: Mommy, are you a ghost?
–2 Train
Conductor: You can get off and switch trains if this one is too crowded. There is an empty train right behind us.
Thug to friend: Why should I believe that guy? He just wants us to get off this damn train.
Conductor: But I guess none of you people gonna believe me.
–1 train
Overheard by: sgeness
Large black guy #1: Yo, check out that chick’s earrings.
Large black guy #2: Damn, they even match her outfit.
Large black guy #1: That’s, like, a whole new level of matching.
Large black guy #2, to girl: Yo, did you make those?
Girl: No, my sister did.
Large black guy #2: I reeeally like those.
–1 train
Overheard by: i like them too
A woman has a chihuahua in her purse. An old man enters the train.
Old man: Cute dog. Do you take him everywhere?
Woman: Uh huh. We saw Spider-man yesterday.
Old man: You saw Spider-man yesterday?
Woman: Yeah.
Old man: How did you like it?
Woman: Oh, you know. It is what it is.
Old man: Not that great, huh? Ha, ha. Well, take care.
The man leaves the train. The woman looks down at her dog.
Woman: That was weird.
–V Train
