Clearly drunk college student: Dude, I need advice. If you meet this really hot girl that happens to have the same name as your mother, do you still do her?
Bouncer: Hell yeah. Why not? She's hot, right?
Clearly drunk college student: Ugh, I don't know. I don't want to think of my mom the whole time. I can't do it.
–Walker & Church
Middle aged woman #1: Yeah, so my older daughter is really good with directions. She'll be fine getting around New York.
Middle aged woman #2: Oh, that's good.
Middle aged woman #1: Yeah, but my youngest… she's just… blonde.
–El Quijote Restaurant
Overheard by: Rachel
Little girl #1 to family: I'm going to be 30 when I have my first baby!
Mom: You know, you can have one earlier.
Little girl #2: I'm going to be 29!
–Tea & Sympathy
Overheard by: Not Preggers
British mother to young son: No, I want you to wear shoes on the subway.
British son: But I'm already barefoot, so what does it matter?
–American Museum of Natural History
Father, pointing out woman cleaning up tiny turd from tiny dog: See, if we got a dog, that's what you would have to do.
Five-year-old son, near hysterics: Noooooo!
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Woman #1: I just don't get why he isn't being spontaneous anymore.
Woman #2: I probably wouldn't want to be “spontaneous” with my girlfriend who just slept with my dad either.
–92nd St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Chick who didn't realize she lived in Melrose Place
20-something hipster to another, admiring long-legged blonde: How can you say you believe in evolution?! There is no way that that evolved from a monkey!
–1st Ave & 14th
Overheard by: Evolutionary
Little boy to brother: If I were a monkey, I'd take a crap on you.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Rebecca
Man on cell: Then Tim-Jim jerked him off with his feet. Only a monkey can do that!
–Bedford & Metropolitan
Overheard by: theeatenpath
Middle aged man pushing daughter's stroller: I can't believe she got Curious George's autograph!
–16th St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Maquaid
Mom: What did that little girl say to you?
Daughter: She said… that I'm ugly.
Mom: Well, you tell her that her mom is ugly. And then you punch her in the face, that's what you do. And then I'll go and punch her mom in the face! That's what you do!
–48th St & Broadway
Mother: What do you have there?
Five-year-old daughter: My schedule.
Mother: Do you know what class you have first?
Five-year-old daughter: Mom, I'm not retarded.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Special K
