Maybe She's Born with It? Maybe It's Wednesday One-Liner.

Guy preaching on subway: I noticed I would always get hit on by beautiful women when I was with a woman, so I started hanging out with lesbians, and now we pick up women together.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Alexis

Panhandler going through train: God bless you, will anyone spare some money? God bless you, damm! You have a pretty white girlfriend.

–6 Train

Overheard by: Jackie

Woman giving out free loot: You girls are so pretty, want some condoms?

–Grand Central Station

Hobo: Why do rich men get to marry all the pretty girls, kill them, and get away with it?

–125th St

Trashed girl, coming out of bathroom: I hate when guys say, "you're pretty enough."

–Bar 9, 54th & 9th

Overheard by: Ladle

Big slobby schlub, loudly talking to buddy: So, she was about to become another disposable pretty girl.

–W 66th St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Rambling crazy man: All of you women look beautiful, but in the end, y'all still have to take a shit!

–L Train

Overheard by: The City Planner

Posted on June 2, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Condoms, Crazies, Free stuff!, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Grand Central, Gripes, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Hobos, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Panhandling, Passengers, Poop, Preachers, Race, Street, Train Station, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

You Need to Stop Eating Chameleons

Boyfriend: How are you doing?
Girlfriend: Gooood.
Boyfriend: Gooood?
Girlfriend: Same shit, different color.

–Nostrand St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Posted on June 1, 2015
Brooklyn, Couples, Philosophy, Poop

Our Lives on the Shitlist?

Teen girl #1: I have to poop really bad.
Teen girl #2: Oh my god, we should totally have a reality show.

–K-Mart, Astor Pl

Overheard by: Katherine

Posted on June 1, 2015
Poop, Store, Teens, TV

She Bought That Knitting Needle for Nothing

Mother: So, were you successful?
Daughter: With what, taking a shit?

–Gershwin Theatre, W. 51st Street

Posted on May 31, 2015
Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Poop

Must Be a Booty Call

Drunk girl #1: God, I have to take a piss. I hope this chick hurries up.

Phone rings.

Drunk girl #2: Is that your phone? I love that ring. Who is it?
Drunk girl #1: It’s Richard. Who the fuck is Richard?
Drunk girl #2: Well, answer it and find out.
Drunk girl #1: I’m not answering if I don’t know who the fuck it is.

They stare at each other and think real hard.

Drunk Girl #1: OOHHH! Richard’s my dad.

–Milady’s, Soho

Overheard by: rhyno

Posted on May 30, 2015
Bars & Clubs, Drinking & Drunk People, Manhattan, Parents, Poop, Soho

Wednesday One-Liners Are Potty Mouths

Man in stall, struggling: Damn you, Taco Bell!

–Bathroom, John Jay College

Girl on cell in stall: I liked him better when he was homeless.

–Bathroom, Lerner Hall, Columbia University

Overheard by: Sydney

Drunk hipster in stall: Don’t get the kielbasa sandwich.

–Club Warsaw, Williamsburg

Overheard by: nickporjr

Man on cell in stall: Hold on a second, honey. [Biological sounds] Okay, I’m back. Look, there’s no way to say this other than right out. This week together made me think things over. Will you marry me?

–Office bathroom, 44th & Lex

Overheard by: Tony

Drunk girl in stall, to herself: Okay, this time let’s try not to pee all over my jeans.

–Cabana, Maritime Hotel

Girl in stall: Uggghhh! Fuck… [Panting] Fuck!

–Bathroom, Fordham Law School

Overheard by: Seriously concerned

Guy at urinal: Oh yeah, son! Yeah, I am dominating this shit!

–Library Bathroom, Fordham University

Posted on May 17, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Pee, Poop, Stall Spies, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Raise Your Hand If This Quote Makes You Miss Sophia Petrillo

Elderly woman #1: Don't step in the shit.
Elderly woman #2: I never step in shit, I'm too smart for that.
Elderly woman #1: You're not too smart for that.

–11th St & 1st Ave

Posted on May 15, 2015
Advice, Comebacks, Old People, Poop, Union Square and East Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners for the Crazy Cat Lady

Guy on cell: I guess you’d rather spend time with your cat than me. That’s cool.

–Brooklyn Heights

Thug to girl calling for cat: You lost your cat, baby? Shit, this is Brooklyn, there’s so many street cats out here they probably ate your cat.

–Franklin & Classon, Prospect Heights Brooklyn

Teen, talking about guitars: You can never have too many. They’re like cats.

–17th & 8th

Girl on cell: Yeah, I want one too, but we should start with a cat and see how that is. You know, play it by ear.

–86th & Lexington

Overheard by: Is that how it works?

Girl: If I looked like a cat’s poop hole I’d still want to be loved… and eaten.

–JFK

Posted on May 12, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Girls, Guys, JFK Airport, NYC Geography, On Cell, Physical appearance, Poop, Teens, Threats, Thugs, Upper East Side, We Love Our Pets, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

101 Famous Conversation Enders

Woman in stall #1: ….I can’t believe he said that!
Woman in stall #2: I can’t believe I’m taking a shit in public!

–Mary Ann’s West, Broadway

Overheard by: Sarah Glazer

Posted on May 12, 2015
Manhattan, Poop, Stall Spies, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

What What (On the Butt)?

Barnard-looking girl #1: You can shower, but then, if you take a shit, you feel totally dirty again. But those, they're like wiping with a washcloth.
Barnard-looking girl #2: I've almost crapped myself a few times on the subway and had to get off at the next stop.

–Grand & Havermeyer, Brooklyn

Posted on May 9, 2015
Brooklyn, Cleanliness, Compare/Contrast, Poop, Public Transportation, Students, Weirdness

Poop