Mother: So, were you successful?
Daughter: With what, taking a shit?
–Gershwin Theatre, W. 51st Street
Mother: So, were you successful?
Daughter: With what, taking a shit?
–Gershwin Theatre, W. 51st Street
Drunk girl #1: God, I have to take a piss. I hope this chick hurries up.
Phone rings.
Drunk girl #2: Is that your phone? I love that ring. Who is it?
Drunk girl #1: It’s Richard. Who the fuck is Richard?
Drunk girl #2: Well, answer it and find out.
Drunk girl #1: I’m not answering if I don’t know who the fuck it is.
They stare at each other and think real hard.
Drunk Girl #1: OOHHH! Richard’s my dad.
–Milady’s, Soho
Overheard by: rhyno
Man in stall, struggling: Damn you, Taco Bell!
–Bathroom, John Jay College
Girl on cell in stall: I liked him better when he was homeless.
–Bathroom, Lerner Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Sydney
Drunk hipster in stall: Don’t get the kielbasa sandwich.
–Club Warsaw, Williamsburg
Overheard by: nickporjr
Man on cell in stall: Hold on a second, honey. [Biological sounds] Okay, I’m back. Look, there’s no way to say this other than right out. This week together made me think things over. Will you marry me?
–Office bathroom, 44th & Lex
Overheard by: Tony
Drunk girl in stall, to herself: Okay, this time let’s try not to pee all over my jeans.
–Cabana, Maritime Hotel
Girl in stall: Uggghhh! Fuck… [Panting] Fuck!
–Bathroom, Fordham Law School
Overheard by: Seriously concerned
Guy at urinal: Oh yeah, son! Yeah, I am dominating this shit!
–Library Bathroom, Fordham University
Elderly woman #1: Don't step in the shit.
Elderly woman #2: I never step in shit, I'm too smart for that.
Elderly woman #1: You're not too smart for that.
–11th St & 1st Ave
Guy on cell: I guess you’d rather spend time with your cat than me. That’s cool.
–Brooklyn Heights
Thug to girl calling for cat: You lost your cat, baby? Shit, this is Brooklyn, there’s so many street cats out here they probably ate your cat.
–Franklin & Classon, Prospect Heights Brooklyn
Teen, talking about guitars: You can never have too many. They’re like cats.
–17th & 8th
Girl on cell: Yeah, I want one too, but we should start with a cat and see how that is. You know, play it by ear.
–86th & Lexington
Overheard by: Is that how it works?
Girl: If I looked like a cat’s poop hole I’d still want to be loved… and eaten.
–JFK
Woman in stall #1: ….I can’t believe he said that!
Woman in stall #2: I can’t believe I’m taking a shit in public!
–Mary Ann’s West, Broadway
Overheard by: Sarah Glazer
Barnard-looking girl #1: You can shower, but then, if you take a shit, you feel totally dirty again. But those, they're like wiping with a washcloth.
Barnard-looking girl #2: I've almost crapped myself a few times on the subway and had to get off at the next stop.
–Grand & Havermeyer, Brooklyn
Girl #1: Well, there's sushi!
Girl #2: But then we'd like…poop fish.
–Broadway & 8th St
Guy #1: I had the runs the entire damn flight and some bitch flight attendant tells me to stop going back and forth to the bathroom.
Guy #2: What did she think, you were going to blow up the plane with your explosive diarrhea?
Guy #1: Well, one thing’s for sure: I left that toilet in a hell of a mess!
–JFK Starbucks
Overheard by: Justin Ackman
Exasperated mother to child in toilet stall: Hurry up and poop!
–Ladies’ Restroom, Penn Station
Overheard by: Betsy
[Girl is taking a piss in bathroom, friend shuts off lights.]Girl: Biiitch! You know my pussy don’t glow in the dark!
–Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Lady in bathroom stall: [Grunts, groans grunts again.] [Pause.] Oh my god, I peed on the floor!
–Sheraton Hotel
Overheard by: Morgan
Hungover senior, chanting loudly over sound of own urination in bathroom: Allllllllll riiighty thennnnnnn! Ahhhhhhhh!
–SVA Animation Department
Overheard by: Laughing
Man farting at urinal, to friend at urinal next to him: Hey, man, what do you think about piss farts?
–Kimmel Center, NYU
Overheard by: JO in Bobst
Girl: I’m not looking. I don’t want to see your vagina. Even if we are family.
–AMC Theater Restroom, Times Square
Overheard by: wondering what’s going on in the next stall
[Horrific sounds heard in adjacent stall for 3 minutes.]Co-worker, yelling: "I’m sorry, I had milk!"
–Office bathroom, 31st Street
