Teen boy #1: Yo, this horseshit on the street? That’s so ghetto, man.
Teen boy #2: You fuckin’ dumbass. Ain’t no horses in the ghetto.
–14th & 6th
Teen boy #1: Yo, this horseshit on the street? That’s so ghetto, man.
Teen boy #2: You fuckin’ dumbass. Ain’t no horses in the ghetto.
–14th & 6th
Guy preaching on subway: I noticed I would always get hit on by beautiful women when I was with a woman, so I started hanging out with lesbians, and now we pick up women together.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Alexis
Panhandler going through train: God bless you, will anyone spare some money? God bless you, damm! You have a pretty white girlfriend.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Jackie
Woman giving out free loot: You girls are so pretty, want some condoms?
–Grand Central Station
Hobo: Why do rich men get to marry all the pretty girls, kill them, and get away with it?
–125th St
Trashed girl, coming out of bathroom: I hate when guys say, "you're pretty enough."
–Bar 9, 54th & 9th
Overheard by: Ladle
Big slobby schlub, loudly talking to buddy: So, she was about to become another disposable pretty girl.
–W 66th St
Overheard by: Susan Volchok
Rambling crazy man: All of you women look beautiful, but in the end, y'all still have to take a shit!
–L Train
Overheard by: The City Planner
Boyfriend: How are you doing?
Girlfriend: Gooood.
Boyfriend: Gooood?
Girlfriend: Same shit, different color.
–Nostrand St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Teen girl #1: I have to poop really bad.
Teen girl #2: Oh my god, we should totally have a reality show.
–K-Mart, Astor Pl
Overheard by: Katherine
Mother: So, were you successful?
Daughter: With what, taking a shit?
–Gershwin Theatre, W. 51st Street
Drunk girl #1: God, I have to take a piss. I hope this chick hurries up.
Phone rings.
Drunk girl #2: Is that your phone? I love that ring. Who is it?
Drunk girl #1: It’s Richard. Who the fuck is Richard?
Drunk girl #2: Well, answer it and find out.
Drunk girl #1: I’m not answering if I don’t know who the fuck it is.
They stare at each other and think real hard.
Drunk Girl #1: OOHHH! Richard’s my dad.
–Milady’s, Soho
Overheard by: rhyno
Man in stall, struggling: Damn you, Taco Bell!
–Bathroom, John Jay College
Girl on cell in stall: I liked him better when he was homeless.
–Bathroom, Lerner Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Sydney
Drunk hipster in stall: Don’t get the kielbasa sandwich.
–Club Warsaw, Williamsburg
Overheard by: nickporjr
Man on cell in stall: Hold on a second, honey. [Biological sounds] Okay, I’m back. Look, there’s no way to say this other than right out. This week together made me think things over. Will you marry me?
–Office bathroom, 44th & Lex
Overheard by: Tony
Drunk girl in stall, to herself: Okay, this time let’s try not to pee all over my jeans.
–Cabana, Maritime Hotel
Girl in stall: Uggghhh! Fuck… [Panting] Fuck!
–Bathroom, Fordham Law School
Overheard by: Seriously concerned
Guy at urinal: Oh yeah, son! Yeah, I am dominating this shit!
–Library Bathroom, Fordham University
Elderly woman #1: Don't step in the shit.
Elderly woman #2: I never step in shit, I'm too smart for that.
Elderly woman #1: You're not too smart for that.
–11th St & 1st Ave
Guy on cell: I guess you’d rather spend time with your cat than me. That’s cool.
–Brooklyn Heights
Thug to girl calling for cat: You lost your cat, baby? Shit, this is Brooklyn, there’s so many street cats out here they probably ate your cat.
–Franklin & Classon, Prospect Heights Brooklyn
Teen, talking about guitars: You can never have too many. They’re like cats.
–17th & 8th
Girl on cell: Yeah, I want one too, but we should start with a cat and see how that is. You know, play it by ear.
–86th & Lexington
Overheard by: Is that how it works?
Girl: If I looked like a cat’s poop hole I’d still want to be loved… and eaten.
–JFK
Woman in stall #1: ….I can’t believe he said that!
Woman in stall #2: I can’t believe I’m taking a shit in public!
–Mary Ann’s West, Broadway
Overheard by: Sarah Glazer
