Queer #1: What’s with these flowered cabs?
Queer #2: It’s art. Like those damn painted cows Oprah had sex with.
–14th & Ave A
Overheard by: Boheme poet
Queer #1: What’s with these flowered cabs?
Queer #2: It’s art. Like those damn painted cows Oprah had sex with.
–14th & Ave A
Overheard by: Boheme poet
Ghetto gay boy: So Sophia* got some video of her on the internet givin' head to her ex man.
Not so ghetto gay boy: Yeah? That sucks.
Ghetto gay boy: Yeah, I told her yo, you better not let your son see that shit.
–Norman Ave, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Why would he be looking?
Hipster girl #1: I usually don’t mind, but this guy was like… I mean, basically you couldn’t tell if his shirt was on or off, he was that hairy!
Hipster girl #2: Yeah, I used to date a guy like that. You know those hair removal ads for men with the before and after pictures, where they basically take like the hairiest man that ever walked the earth? That was him. Chest, back, shoulders, ass… Covered.
Bear guy: Aw, come on. That’s just plain hot!
–Pink Pony, LES
Queer Sales Associate, at promotion for Vera Wang Princess perfume: Are you a princess?
Girl: No
Queer Sales Associate: Then what are you?
Girl: A sex goddess, bitch.
–1st Floor, Macy’s
Overheard by: Isabelle
Skinny gay guy #1: Oh, I can't. It's drag queen puppet bingo night.
Skinny gay guy #2: It's the only one in town! We can't miss it!
–44th & 9th
Queer #1: I am sorry, I did not mean it.
Queer #2 (angrily): What do you mean you didn’t mean it? You told me that you loved me. You can’t just take that back!
Queer #1: Sorry.
Queer #2: What do you mean you’re sorry!?
(pause for a block)
Queer #1: Thanks for the help. Now I feel ready to tell Brian.
–Univeristy Place &14th St
Girl on cell: Yeah, so he was kicked out of college. It’s kind of a long story. He like, pulled a knife on George Lucas.
–Barnard College
Curly-haired chick: If we go, like, cowboy/Indian, you’re supposed to be giving me smallpox blankets and liquor, and I’m supposed to hold a knife to your scalp. Hmmm.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Girl (yelling at other girl): Just because he cuts himself doesn’t mean he’s emo!
–Brooklyn Tech HS
16-year-old to another: If Dane Cook was here, he would stab you in the chest.
–The Beacon School
Gay man to female friend: I’m gonna cut out your G-spot with a butter knife and stick it to the wall.
–Dojo Resaurant
Tall, muscular, handsome guy on cell: My night turned out pretty crazy… Why? Because this chick drew a knife on me in the restaurant before we even finished the appetizers… And I blame you for that.
–Grand Army Plaza
Overheard by: wishes she would have been there…
Girl #1: You know, I’ve never met a gay person that wasn’t West Indian.
Girl #2: Really?
Girl #1: Yeah. You know [Toby] in the office? He came in today and asked me how much time off he could get when he gets married to his boyfriend.
Girl #2: But he’s bald!…And he’s not West Indian.
Girl #1: Oh yeah.
–3 train
Beer buddy #1: I have a question. You know how there are plenty of girls who won’t do oral or anal sex, right?
Beer buddy #2: No girl who I’d waste any time with, but yeah. So?
Beer buddy #1: So, statistically there must be some homosexual guys who won’t do oral or anal sex, right? I mean, just by the law of averages, there must be, right?
Beer buddy #2: So? Is this leading to some kind of hypothesis?
Beer buddy #1: Well, if a gay guy isn’t into oral or anal sex, where does he fit into the gay community?
Beer buddy #3: He could do a lot of other things. He could let other guys piss into his mouth, he could jack off onto other guys, he could do circle jerks, he could be a bukkake boy… There’s lots of stuff he could do.
Beer buddy #1: Oh, yeah. I never thought of that.
Queer at next table, getting up to leave: He could also be fitted with a leather hood, suspended from the ceiling, and taught discipline. If you want to know more, here’s my card.
–Bar, Soho
Overheard by: Big Larry
Queer: … And he had a huge dick.
Mortified fag hag covering her face: You can’t say that in public! People can hear you!
Queer: Yeah, we didn’t actually hook up. I just wanted to embarrass you.
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: someone at the next table
