Conductor, over intercom: Conductor in the fifth car -are you top or bottom?
[well-built conductor walks through car to intercom to respond]Gay commuter, upon seeing him: Oooh, I hope he’s a bottom.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: MrStench
Conductor, over intercom: Conductor in the fifth car -are you top or bottom?
[well-built conductor walks through car to intercom to respond]Gay commuter, upon seeing him: Oooh, I hope he’s a bottom.
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: MrStench
Guy #1: So, you taking the hot tub or what?
Guy #2: I'd rather have six years of my life than the hot tub.
Guy #1: Well, you don't really have a choice.
–Court St & Congress St
Overheard by: Matthew
Queer: It was, like, 8:30 in the morning and my colon called and said it needed a filling.
–Christopher Street Pier
Overheard by: Fourth Axiom
Drinking college co-ed: It was like, my brain shut off, and my genitals went ‘woo-hoo!’
–60th & Amsterdam
Guy on cell: Sorry, I couldn’t make it. I was tied up. Hopefully, next time it’ll be you.
–116th & Broadway
Gay black man to black woman: Girl, I know the perfect guy for you. He will beast fuck you. He will fuck you like a white girl.
–Greenwich & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Artie
Black guy: I’ll do the wheelbarrow on the first date, I don’t give a fuck!
–Downtown 6 train
Overheard by: biz
Girl in bathroom stall: How many guys can I sleep with in a week and not be a slut?
–Soundz Lounge, Lasalle St & Broadway
Girl: I wondered why you kept talking about pony play!
–Elevator, 168th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Peter Pecker
Well-dressed man on cellphone: He must have had a dildo in his pants, and she grabbed onto that. It’s the only way they could have worked it.
–La Giancoma, second intermission, Metropolitan Opera
Overheard by: Schroeder
Cracked out gay guy: Girl, I like your coach purse, is it real?
Snotty Upper West Side girl: Yes, it's real.
Cracked out gay guy: Don't lie to me. I'm a fag…I can tell.
–2 Train
Overheard by: cougar
Hispanic guy to tall guy passing by: Pssst!
(tall guy turns head without stopping)
Tall guy: No, thanks. (keeps walking and Hispanic guy starts following him)
Hispanic guy: Psssssst!
(tall guy stops at door, opens it)
Hispanic guy: Oh, you live here. I live over there. Why don't you let me suck your dick?
–35th & 9th
Overheard by: Brad
Gay guy #1: You're a single lady, though! It doesn't even matter!
Gay guy #2: Exactly. So I was all, “If you like it, then you should've just peed on it.”
–81st St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: a new beyonce fan
Queer, as someone is trying to push through the crowd: Throw menstrual blood at him! That’s the one thing girls can do to get back at guys! Throw menstrual blood at him!
–Roseland Ballroom
Dad to pre-teen daughter about mom: She is on the rag today. Don’t talk to her this moringing, she’s got an attitude.
–R Train
Girl: I have sexed my period away too!
–Bowery
Businesswoman: So yeah, it still really hurts. I guess it’s cause I got my period last night… [Sees a disgusted look on a male suit’s face.] Blood! Blood! Raaar!
–Wall Street
Overheard by: Withnail
Queer #1: What’s with these flowered cabs?
Queer #2: It’s art. Like those damn painted cows Oprah had sex with.
–14th & Ave A
Overheard by: Boheme poet
Ghetto gay boy: So Sophia* got some video of her on the internet givin' head to her ex man.
Not so ghetto gay boy: Yeah? That sucks.
Ghetto gay boy: Yeah, I told her yo, you better not let your son see that shit.
–Norman Ave, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Why would he be looking?
