How Many Licks Does It Take to Get to the Center Of a Wednesday One-Liner?

Chick on cell: It's all about the eyeball lick. Tell her.

–59th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: aenigma

NYPD cop: I would rather lick the street than ever smell your fart again.

–Forsyth St & E Houston St

Overheard by: Dave-o

Teen girl to friends: He's so gross! Seriously, I'd rather lick my cat's asshole than hook up with that guy!

–Barnes & Noble, Bayside

Guy at bar to friend: I can't believe you married a woman who won't lick your asshole.

–Ale House, MacDougal St

Random woman: Why do you always insist on licking my elbow?

–86th & 3rd

Overheard by: Jana

Posted on April 7, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Bars & Clubs, Body Parts, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Farting & Burping, Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Girls, Guys, Hook Ups, Licking, Lower East Side, Marriage, On Cell, One-liners, Queens, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Store, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Ooo, or a Prada Bag!

Queer #1: So, what do you want to do tonight?
Queer #2: I don't know, what do you want to do?
Queer #1: I want to have sex tonight!
Queer #2: You want to have sex with me!
Queer #1: No, with a stranger!
Queer #2: Well…we could put a brown bag over my head!

–17th & 7th Cafeteria

Posted on April 7, 2015
Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Gays and Lesbians, Lesbians, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sex, Weirdness

Rick Santorum: At Least Have the Decency to Wait Until It’s a Hen

Guy: So I thought I’d get married before I go.
Girl: You’re getting married?
Guy: Yeah, to some chick.

–1st between 7th & 8th

Overheard by: Kira

Posted on April 7, 2015
Girls, Guys, Marriage, Questions, Relationships, The Village, Weirdness

Also What He Said About Their Bath Tub

Hipster #1 (pointing towards East River): Is that the Pacific Ocean?
Hipster #2: I think so…

–North 6th & Bedford

Posted on April 7, 2015
Brooklyn, Global Geography, Hipsters, Questions, Stupidity

If You Do, I’ll Show You My Extensions

Boyfriend: Have you ever had a weave? Or, like, extensions?
Girlfriend: No! Do I look black to you?

–LIRR

Posted on April 6, 2015
Couples, Questions, Race, Trains Not Subway

Haley Joel Osment Seems to Get Worse Roles Every Year

Teen #1: Are we there yet?
Teen #2: It's right over there.
Teen #3 (screaming): I see it! I see Atlas! It's white, I see it.
Bus driver: Yeah, and I see dead people across the street…you don't hear me screaming.

–Q29 Bus, Atlas Park Mall

Posted on April 6, 2015
Bus Drivers, Colors, Death, Directions, Malls, On the Bus, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Teens, Weirdness

Readers: Answer This Provincial Question

Yuppie: Like, why do we even have Pennsylvania?

–5th Avenue/53rd St. station

Overheard by: Jamie

Posted on April 6, 2015
One-liners, Questions, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., U.S. Geography, Yuppies

Raise Your Hand If You've Been Hit on By This Guy

Black drunk hobo: Girl, lemme tell you something. I'm a Sagittarius and we funny as shit once we're sober. Can I ask you something? Are you Russian?
Woman on subway: No.
Black drunk hobo: You look Russian. I know all about them Russians. Matter of fact, I have a book coming out later this year. It's called I Know Shit.

–1 Train

Overheard by: TVontheFritz

Posted on April 6, 2015
Black People, Default, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Global Geography, Hobos, Insults, Multiculturalism, Overheard Style, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Women

Babelfish Now Has a Ditz-to-English Option

Blonde girl: What time is it?
Guy: Quarter to eight.
Blonde girl: (looking confused)
Guy: It's seven forty-five.

–7th & Ave A

Posted on April 6, 2015
Alphabet City, Girls, Guys, Idiots, Questions, Time

Official Answer: the Hat.

West Point cadet #1: And then there's the Naked Cowboy. He should be around here somewhere.
West Point cadet #2: How the fuck do they know he's a cowboy if he's naked?

–Times Square

Posted on April 6, 2015
Coworkers, Nudity, Questions, Times Square, Tourism

Questions