Five-year-old child: Is this our stop, mommy?
Mother: No sweetie, this is the ghetto. Never get off here.
(two people sitting across give them dirty looks as they leave the train)
–Metro-North, Harlem
Overheard by: getting off at the 125th street stop
Thug to girlfriend: Listen, baby, I'm not really lying, fully!
–Ave B & 10th St
Thug: Yo, I wanna go to yoga, son!
–St. Marks Place
Thug: Sometimes I look around and wonder if in my next life I might be a bird.
–1st & 3rd
Overheard by: Angela
Short thug on cell: I'm gonna get you some slippers, mami, so you can show off your feet. Show off your feet. (pause) Show off your feet!
–7th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ladle
Thug to thug friend: Yo, man, you gotta wake up and smell them Arabica beans!
–CVS
Overheard by: freshly brewed.
Thug, yelling to female companion: When you gon' let me show you some dick? When you gon' let me show you some dick? Just let me show you to see if you like it! If not, you can go back to those bitches! At least we'll have something in common!
–7th Ave & 21st St, Brooklyn
Thug, excitedly discussing favorite cold stone flavor: Yo, no homo man! Peanut sensation!
–Downtown D Train
Overheard by: Raven
Southern man: What the hell is a steak free-tes?
Southern woman: Oh honey, it’s a chicken fried steak and they probably serve it with grits. This is where famous people come to eat like real human beings.
Southern man: Well hell, they should call it somethin’ more respectable than Pasties.
–Pastis, 9th & Little W. 12th
Overheard by: Jack B. Nimble
Queer #1: What should we do tonight? Something fun.
Queer #2: We could pierce something?
–Starbucks, Lower East Side
Overheard by: nicolina
Hippie girl: Free hugs! We're giving out free hugs today! (to preppy guy on park bench) Hey! Would you like a free hug today?
Guy: No, thank you.
Hippie girl: Why not?
Guy: Actually, I just had a minor surgical procedure on my abdomen. I shouldn't hug anyone until it heals.
Hippie girl: Well, that sucks. A hug might make you feel better, though!
Guy: I'm pretty sure that a hug would open up the incision on my abdomen from the surgical procedure. I'm told this would increase my odds of infection. Thanks anyway, though.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Double-M
White 20-something #1: Have you heard about the September 11th controversy?
White 20-something #2: No…what?
White 20-something #1: Well, Kanye and 50 Cent are both releasing their new albums on that date and if Kanye outsells 50 then 50 says that he is going to retire from rapping.
White 20-something #2: Wow! That's controversial.
White 20-something #1: Is it crazy that that's the new September 11th controversy? Things have really changed since then…
White 20-something #2 (pensive): Or *have* they?
Black guy to friend: Yo, man! Are you listening to this shit?
–L Train
Teenage Guido in Guidomobile, to friend: Hey, it looks like a sports car… But it's a Beetle!
Gay guy in bright blue Beetle: Well, your car probably goes faster, but this is a lot of fun to drive.
(pause while gears grind teenage Guido's brain)
Teenage Guido: Is that your girlfriend's car?
–4th Ave & Pacific St
Girl on cell: Hey, where are you?
Chorus of old Hispanic men, in unison: I'm right here, baby!
–Lorimer Street, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Holly
Very enthusiastic female undergrad: And there were a bunch of questions on the test about sadomasochism, and I was like, “yes! I know everything!”
–Hunter College
Overheard by: And I'm Paying How Much in Tuition?
Chick #1: Shit. Hon, do you have a tampon?
Chick #2: Sorry, babe. I don’t.
Chick #1: Does anyone have a tampon?
Chorus of women in stalls: Sorry. Nooo, I don’t. Can’t help, sorry. Maybe they’ll have a tampon machine?
Chick #1: Doubt it. That wouldn’t be very modern.
–Women’s room, MoMA
Overheard by: Inky Circus
