Dude, looking at soups: What the hell kind of funny person puts bread in soup?
Female pal: It's Tuscan.
Dude, nodding sagely: Oh, well then.
–Park Ave & 54th
Overheard by: pumpkin
Dude, looking at soups: What the hell kind of funny person puts bread in soup?
Female pal: It's Tuscan.
Dude, nodding sagely: Oh, well then.
–Park Ave & 54th
Overheard by: pumpkin
Guy: Hey, do they have vegan food here?
Girl: No, you have to rip the meat apart with your bare hands and then fuck some bitches.
–NYU Dining Hall
Headline by: Spazzy
Runners-Up:
· “After Dinner, We Invade the Roman Empire” – billsburg boy
· “And Then You Lose Your Veganity…” – Stick
· “Most Aggressive Lunch Lady–Ever” – #5 in line
· “NYU Also Provides Us with Spears and Roofies.” – presents
· “NYU’s New Wildly Popular Caveman Dining Unit” – Naked Lunch
· “Unless You’re Patrick Bateman and Want to Reverse Those” – KateNonymous
· “We’re All Lesbian Cavegirls in College” – Dariclone
Girl, after seeing an ad for “escape from chimp eden”: Oh, I want a monkey! I’ve always wanted a monkey!
Friend: Like, as a pet?
Girl: … Or a homie.
–133rd St & Frederick Douglass Blvd
Overheard by: Nathalie
Ghetto chick #1: Yo, how come people keep leaving but we’re still fucking crushed in?
Ghetto chick #2: It’s ’cause we’re fat, bitch.
–Rockefeller Center
Teen boy: Is that a Jewish thing?
Man: No, it’s from Shrek.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Confabulation Nation
Six-year-old blonde girl with a Hanna Montana purse: Daddy, it’s so dark, isn’t this romantic?
Dad, nervously looking around: No, this is the farthest thing from romantic.
–7 Train
Five-year-old girl in funny voice: I don't wear eyeshadow. I am an alien. I am allowed to be weird.
–Downtown 6 Train, Union Square
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Brunette: So, wait. Are they scientists or large-headed aliens?
–Harlem
Overheard by: Ladle
Hobo: You may not know this, but I am from another planet. I am also recruiting souls for my army in the underworld. We are four hundred thousand billion strong. Everybody better watch out!
–1 Train
Geeky guy to another: Have you seen the planet he's from? Goddamn!
–N Train
Girl to friend (animated, with hand gestures): I mean, you could actually *see* E.T.'s birth…
–5th Ave & 14th St
Guy, very sure of himself: I would much rather hunt aliens than ghosts, at least that makes sense.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: jessi pfeufer
Five-year-old child: Is this our stop, mommy?
Mother: No sweetie, this is the ghetto. Never get off here.
(two people sitting across give them dirty looks as they leave the train)
–Metro-North, Harlem
Overheard by: getting off at the 125th street stop
Thug to girlfriend: Listen, baby, I'm not really lying, fully!
–Ave B & 10th St
Thug: Yo, I wanna go to yoga, son!
–St. Marks Place
Thug: Sometimes I look around and wonder if in my next life I might be a bird.
–1st & 3rd
Overheard by: Angela
Short thug on cell: I'm gonna get you some slippers, mami, so you can show off your feet. Show off your feet. (pause) Show off your feet!
–7th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ladle
Thug to thug friend: Yo, man, you gotta wake up and smell them Arabica beans!
–CVS
Overheard by: freshly brewed.
Thug, yelling to female companion: When you gon' let me show you some dick? When you gon' let me show you some dick? Just let me show you to see if you like it! If not, you can go back to those bitches! At least we'll have something in common!
–7th Ave & 21st St, Brooklyn
Thug, excitedly discussing favorite cold stone flavor: Yo, no homo man! Peanut sensation!
–Downtown D Train
Overheard by: Raven
Southern man: What the hell is a steak free-tes?
Southern woman: Oh honey, it’s a chicken fried steak and they probably serve it with grits. This is where famous people come to eat like real human beings.
Southern man: Well hell, they should call it somethin’ more respectable than Pasties.
–Pastis, 9th & Little W. 12th
Overheard by: Jack B. Nimble
