He and the Mattress Giant are Getting Married in Central Park

Male worker: He isn’t here today.
Woman worker: But I need him!
Man worker: But Mr. Clean ain’t here today!
Woman worker whining: When?
Man worker: Not today!

–Electra Building

Posted on April 17, 2015
9 to 5-ers, Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, Blue-collar workers, Buildings, Men, Questions, Talking/Convos, Time, Wishes & desires, Women

Wait 'Til They Have Their Sex Conversation

Five-year-old kid: What's that?
Mom: That's baseball. Like on a Wii but in real life.

–Central Park & E 96th St

Posted on April 16, 2015
Harlem & Morningside Heights, Kids, Moms, Parents, Questions, Sports, Video Games

Wednesday One-Liner Cheney

NYU frat boy to another: Remember that time you popped that zit on my dick?!

–Waverly Place & Broadway

Overheard by: lezbotron

Older suit to younger suit: If you want people to move out of your way you just gotta say shit like: pussy, dick, cunt! (people move out of the way) See?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Brad

Thug to another, exiting a deli: The Salvation Army can suck my dick.

–Stanton & Ludlow

Overheard by: CN

Girl wearing hijab: That depends on whose dick it is!

–Hunter College, 68th & Lexington

Overheard by: off white

Posted on April 16, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Brooklyn, Delis, Frat Boys, Girls, Hunter, Insults, Lower East Side, One-liners, Penis, Physical appearance, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Street, Suits, The Village, Thugs, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Look What Happened to Ashlee Simpson

Nerdy hipster guy: So that simplifies to 400-350, which is…?
Clearly hungover girl: Unnngggggg, a hundred?
Very effeminate black friend: Damn, girl, whatever happened to you? Never go full retard!

–Starbucks, Midtown

Posted on April 16, 2015
Drunks, Hipsters, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Nerds, Questions, Retardation, Science, Starbucks, Stupidity

Men’s Intuition, I Suppose

Teenage boy: I just realized I have not gotten laid, thus far in life.
Girl: When’d you come up with that?

–E 18th St & Ave J

Posted on April 16, 2015
Boys, Default, Girls, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, Stupidity, Teens, Virginity

There's a Reason “Stooges” and “Splooges” Sound So Alike

Suit #1: What are you doing this weekend?
Suit #2: I think I'm going to go jet skiing. Wanna go jet skiing?
Suit #1: Yeah sure, I'll go.
Suit #2 (answers phone): Yeah, I'm going jet skiing this weekend. Do you wanna come? Yeah, I'm going with Steve*. (pause) No, three dudes on a jet ski isn't gay. (turns to friend) Is it?
Suit #1: Two dudes is questionable, but three is definitely gay.

–Broome Street Bar