Questions

Clap If You Believe in Wednesday One-Liners

NYU guy: I'm like a centaur, if ya know what I mean.

–University & 4th St

Overheard by: sarah

Female hipster to friends: Well, vampires are the new zombies!

–147th & Convent

Thuggish straight guy to another: Oh, I'd much rather be a faggot than a demon, dawg.

–Park Ave & Spring St

Overheard by: Christopher Schulz

Interviewer, trying to convince interviewee: There's not much of a future in being an elf.

–Macy's

Italian woman, staring at guy wearing Ghostbusters t-shirt: You donta lika da ghosts?

–Meatpacking District

Overheard by: Looking for my proton pack

Wednesdays Rogaine Their One-Liners

Loud girl to friend: Tell them you want fuckable hair! Fuckable hair!

–Astor Place

Overheard by: Bruce Lee

Girl to friend: You mean her boob-look hair puff?

–52nd St & 6th Ave

Ghetto woman to another: Why he be mooning everyone with that hairy ass?

–53rd & Lexington

Overheard by: tommy a

Man to friend: I'm Mexican, man; I was *born* with a mustache.

–Grand & Orchard

Girl, enunciatively: I support chest hair!

–Hell's Kitchen

Overheard by: DI

The Demographic for Derek Jeter's Cologne Slowly Reveals Itself

Guy #1: I didn't know people in Brooklyn wear Yankees caps.
Guy #2: Since when do you care about baseball?
Guy #1: I like to watch baseball when it's on.
Guy #2: When is that? After Project Runway?

–Carroll Park

Birthplace Of the Soup Renaissance

Dude, looking at soups: What the hell kind of funny person puts bread in soup?
Female pal: It's Tuscan.
Dude, nodding sagely: Oh, well then.

–Park Ave & 54th

Overheard by: pumpkin

From That Day on Conan the Vegitarian Was Never the Same.

Guy: Hey, do they have vegan food here?
Girl: No, you have to rip the meat apart with your bare hands and then fuck some bitches.

–NYU Dining Hall

Headline by: Spazzy

Runners-Up:
· “After Dinner, We Invade the Roman Empire” – billsburg boy
· “And Then You Lose Your Veganity…” – Stick
· “Most Aggressive Lunch Lady–Ever” – #5 in line
· “NYU Also Provides Us with Spears and Roofies.” – presents
· “NYU’s New Wildly Popular Caveman Dining Unit” – Naked Lunch
· “Unless You’re Patrick Bateman and Want to Reverse Those” – KateNonymous
· “We’re All Lesbian Cavegirls in College” – Dariclone

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Monkey: Homey Don’t Play That!

Girl, after seeing an ad for “escape from chimp eden”: Oh, I want a monkey! I’ve always wanted a monkey!
Friend: Like, as a pet?
Girl: … Or a homie.

–133rd St & Frederick Douglass Blvd

Overheard by: Nathalie

I Think There’s a Small Child Trapped in My Back-Flab

Ghetto chick #1: Yo, how come people keep leaving but we’re still fucking crushed in?
Ghetto chick #2: It’s ’cause we’re fat, bitch.

–Rockefeller Center

Isn’t There a Talking Donkey in the Hebrew Bible?

Teen boy: Is that a Jewish thing?
Man: No, it’s from Shrek.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

That’s Not What You Said on the 1 Train

Six-year-old blonde girl with a Hanna Montana purse: Daddy, it’s so dark, isn’t this romantic?
Dad, nervously looking around: No, this is the farthest thing from romantic.

–7 Train

Wednesday One-Liners Want to Believe

Five-year-old girl in funny voice: I don't wear eyeshadow. I am an alien. I am allowed to be weird.

–Downtown 6 Train, Union Square

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Brunette: So, wait. Are they scientists or large-headed aliens?

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

Hobo: You may not know this, but I am from another planet. I am also recruiting souls for my army in the underworld. We are four hundred thousand billion strong. Everybody better watch out!

–1 Train

Geeky guy to another: Have you seen the planet he's from? Goddamn!

–N Train

Girl to friend (animated, with hand gestures): I mean, you could actually *see* E.T.'s birth…

–5th Ave & 14th St

Guy, very sure of himself: I would much rather hunt aliens than ghosts, at least that makes sense.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: jessi pfeufer

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