Gay man: And over here, I like to call it “shoe street,” cuz they have shoe after shoe after shoe after shoe store!
Tourist: They have shoes in New York?
–M8 Bus
Overheard by: They Have Shirts Here, TOO!!
Gay man: And over here, I like to call it “shoe street,” cuz they have shoe after shoe after shoe after shoe store!
Tourist: They have shoes in New York?
–M8 Bus
Overheard by: They Have Shirts Here, TOO!!
Second grader #1: Hey, is your mama having a baby sister?
Second grader #2: No, she just likes to eat a lot.
–Schoolyard, Brooklyn
Angry black woman: Why these motherfuckers always wearing "right for life" buttons, philosophizing and shit?
–Dallas BBQ, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Mike H
Student: Aborting your baby is so boring now. Everyone does it.
–Bard High School Early College
Drunk loud teenage Latina: Ladies and gentlemen, I am a minority and I have never had an abortion!
–N Train
Overheard by: g-lime
Man on cell: Oh… Oh shit… Well, can't you just take a wire hanger and pull it out? Yeah, just stick the hanger in and pull it right out! Okay? Okay. Bye.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: marge
Fabulous gay guy: So, my coworkers at Olive Garden all wanted to go out for a picnic one day. Our one friend had to work though, so we told her to tell our boss she needed to go get an abortion and she actually did it!
–Life Cafe, Avenue B & 10th St
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Jappy girl #1: Oh god! I just got a text from Jason. I want to write back something very biting and sarcastic. What about “shouldn't you be with your girlfriend right now?”
Jappy girl #2: (silent)
Jappy girl #1: Too much?
Jappy girl #2: I don't care.
–7th St & Ave A
Overheard by: gregor
Hispanic mother with child on Halloween, to liquor store vendor: You got candy?
Vendor: No, no candy.
Mother to child: Know what happens when they don't got no candy baby? They get egged.
–Liquor Store, 12th St & Ave A
Little girl, pointing at a bathtub full of candy balls: What are those, daddy?
Dad: Those balls are dirty.
–Candy Shop, 63rd St & 3rd Ave
Tiny hipster girl: So how’s the kneecap?
Hipster guy: Fuckin’ swollen.
Tiny hipster girl: Fuck yeah!
Hipster guy: Yeah. But I’m getting an elephant head tattooed next to my cock!
–Europa, Williamsburg
Overheard by: kneecaps are a real bitch
Blond: How do you spell “Columbus”? Is it with a “u”?
Brunette: Yeah.
Blond: Right, it's the country that is spelled the other way.
(pause)
Brunette: You know I never recognized the two were spelled different until you just asked that.
Blond: I only know because I slept with Colombians.
–A Train
Male worker: He isn’t here today.
Woman worker: But I need him!
Man worker: But Mr. Clean ain’t here today!
Woman worker whining: When?
Man worker: Not today!
–Electra Building
Five-year-old kid: What's that?
Mom: That's baseball. Like on a Wii but in real life.
–Central Park & E 96th St
