The Surest Way to a Man's Heart: Through Your Large Intestine.

30-something woman #1: It's only a matter of time when you start dating a guy before he asks you the question.
30-something woman #2: What question?
30-something woman #1: C'mon, the thing that every guy asks for in bed.
30-something woman #2: Ooooooohhhh, anal sex.
30-something woman #1: That's the question!

–E Train to Queens

Overheard by: butt, of course

Headline by: Brian Costlow

Runners-Up:
· “Alex, I’ll Take “Things That Will Never Happen” for $100″ – The Trayster
· “Gotta Stop Meeting Boyfriends at the Pray Out The Gay Sessions.” – KJM
· “I Always Keep My Strap-on in My Purse – Just in Case.” – Sodajerk
· “I Just Hope He Doesn’t Ask at a Baseball Game. Too Cliche.” – pieski
· “Pooping the Question” – tech98
· “Reason #32 to Be a Lesbian” – Trey Jackson

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on March 4, 2015
Backdoor, Dating, Headline Contest Winners, On the Subway, Questions, Women

The Best NYU Answer Since Mary Kate Admitted She Doesn't Read but Likes Tootsie Rolls

Professor: How many countries are there in the world?
Student: Seven. (silence, then some laughter)

–NYU

Posted on March 4, 2015
Global Geography, NYU, Questions, School and studying, Students, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors

When Life Gives Them to You?

Friend #1: Wow, whatcha got in the bag?
Friend #2: Oh, these are lemon cucumbers.
Friend #1: Cool, what do you do with them?
Friend #2: I eat them!

–E 82nd & York

Overheard by: Janny

Posted on March 3, 2015
Food, Friends, Questions, Stupidity, Upper East Side

Who's the Smart One? Show Your Work.

Yuppie girl #1, looking at platform: Ohmigod! Is that like a mirror over there, or are there actually other people on that side?
Yuppie girl #2: I don't get it.

–Uptown 2 Train

Overheard by: Chris H

Posted on March 2, 2015
On the Subway, Public Transportation, Questions, Sensory Experiences, Yuppies

Wednesday One-Liners Are Asstastic

Chubby girl on cell: Hello?! I’m getting a tattoo! What I need to know is: right butt cheek or left butt cheek?

–Elevator, Sulzberger Hall, Barnard College

Lady in cubicle on phone about daughter: She went from looking like a boy to J-Lo in three months, so she’s very busy shaking her booty — it’s raw, exposed estrogen.

–Wall Street

Man, to group of other men as thin passerby ignores them: Damn! Don’t she know it’s illegal for a black chick to have no ass?!

–2nd Ave & 3rd St

Overheard by: Ohiowatha

Attractive teen: My ex-boyfriend used to tell me that I couldn’t talk about anything that had to do with my ass. He was, like, anal about it and would say all the time, ‘Don’t you talk about your ass, it’s going to completely turn me off — I don’t want to hear about it.’

–2 train

Overheard by: Talia

Man on cell: I remember — we just got my rear end replaced.

–University

Overheard by: Asinine

Chick on cell: Eeyore’s butt — where is it?!

–Harlem

Overheard by: Ladle

Man on cell: And she said, ‘You’re pretty cute for a garbage man,’ and then she grabbed my ass.

–Hell’s Kitchen

Overheard by: Kat

Posted on March 2, 2015
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Compare/Contrast, Crime and Punishment, Diet/Weight, Gripes, Pick-up Lines, Promiscuity, Questions, Race, Tattoos, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Pop Quiz: What’s the Scariest Thing About This Conversation?

Girl #1: Wow, The Ring and The Grudge were like the scariest movies!
Girl #2: Yeah, I know!
Girl #1: Japanese people are good at scary movies like that. I wonder why?
Girl #2: Probably because of Vietnam.

–NYU

Overheard by: k

Posted on February 28, 2015
Global Geography, History & Geography, Movies, NYU, Questions, Stupidity, War

She'll Accept Anybody's Visa

Fashionista #1: Honestly, I think he would take whatever comes his way. He just wants to get laid.
Fashionista #2: And what? She's easy?
Fashionista #1: You know those European girls. She has an open-pussy-policy.

–E 86th St

Posted on February 28, 2015
Fashionistas, Gossip, Hook Ups, Promiscuity, Questions, Upper East Side, Vagina, Wishes & desires

Guess She Got Bored of the Ping-Pong Balls?

Drunk girl: So, have you heard from her?
Drunk guy: No, she’s too busy popping out fetuses. She pops out a fetus like every week!

–57th & 9th

Overheard by: Cori

Posted on February 27, 2015
Abortion, Default, Drunks, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Words

He Uses Hillary Clinton Masks for That

Girlfriend: But why did he buy two Mexican wrestling masks?
Boyfriend: I mean, probably to wear during sex.
Girlfriend: Ew, really?
Boyfriend: Well, yeah. Or to wear while beating off.
Girlfriend: Ew. Like, while looking in the mirror?
Boyfriend: No.

–6th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: aclare

Posted on February 27, 2015
Boyfriends, Default, Fashion, Girlfriends, Kink, Masturbation, Questions, Sex, Union Square and East Village

Urge to Choke…Rising

Teenage checkout worker, jokingly to coworker: I swear to fucking god one of these days I'ma just reach over and choke you. You are so goddamn annoying I will choke you! (Asian chick approaches, gives bag to teen worker)
Teenage checkout worker, leaning over counter: Nah whadda mean? Nah whadda mean? I'ma choke this mudafucker right here one day.
Asian chick: (silently gives bemused smile)
Teenage checkout worker: I swear to god I'ma choke this one right here, nah whadda mean?
Coworker being threatened: Yo, she doesn't speak English.
Asian chick, with sass: Excuse me? What you don't think I speak English? What, cause I'm Asian you don't think I can fucking speak English?
Coworker: (shocked silence)
Teen checkout worker: You tell him, girl! You tell him!
Asian chick: Yeah. Yeah. I got an 800 on the English section of the SAT. Yeah, I speak English.
Teen checkout worker: Tell him! Say that shit again yo, what was your score, girl?
Asian chick: An 800!

–B&H Photo Video

Overheard by: you tell him, girl!

Posted on February 27, 2015
Asians, Choke, Clerks, Coworkers, Insults, Language Barrier, Questions, Race, School and studying, Store, Teens, Threats

Questions