Girl #1 to group: Well, he doesn't have a job, or a car, and has a cat named Jedi.
Girl #2: Wait…who is this?
Girl #1: The guy I slept with last week.
Girl #2 (sarcastically): Quality!
Girl #1: Well that's why I just slept with him, instead of dated him.
–Therapy Bar
Boy #1, looking at picture book: Grapes are purple, corn is yellow, tomatoes are red, edamame is green.
Boy #2: I think those are peas.
Boy #1: What are peas?
–LIRR
Overheard by: loisann
Boyfriend, holding DVD: Seriously! It's the best movie ever made!
Girlfriend: How can you even say that?
Boyfriend: Hillary Swank won an Oscar!
Girlfriend: Not for her role in Karate Kid 2!
–F Train
Overheard by: smo
Rich girl: I went to Forever21 and bought a dress. Then I stole some sunglasses and other accessories along with it, cause you know, times are rough.
–Metro-North Rail
Run-down-looking middle-aged guy: I got my phone stolen. Uh-huh. No, it wasn't even a trick, it was a friend!
–Home Depot, 23rd St
Overheard by: STC
Very loud child at display of cars to mother in line: It's okay, mom! You don't need to buy one for me. I can just take one and run out. Maybe even two, easy!
–Rite Aid, Brooklyn
Overheard by: oneofmanymikes
Shopping lady to friend: It's okay to steal but it's not okay to be gay.
–94th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: venniblue
Girl on phone: So you actually caught him stealing from you? (pause) Okay. (pause) Well, you didn't want that anyway. So you're still going to fuck him, right?
–Broadway & 21st St
Girl: What is this?
Guy: Orange juice!
Girl: (pause)
Guy: I mean anti-freeze!
–29th & Madison
Overheard by: AlphaBeta
Smart girl: Well, he needs to check with his partner to see if we can have dogs in the apartment.
Hot guy: So, do you think he's gay?
Smart girl: No! He's Spanish.
–Pelham Parkway & Cruger Ave, The Bronx
Overheard by: Dazed and Confused
Little girl to mother in liquor store: Mommy, why are you buying that?
Mother: I don't ask you why you buy toys.
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Noemi
Female tourist: Look–he just gave the other driver the finger!
Male tourist: Isn't that just like saying “hi” in New York?
–72nd St & Central Park West
Overheard by: Gazoo
Ten-year-old wannabe thug: I'ma put this can of pepper spray up your ass! You want me to put this up your ass?!
–Old Navy, Harlem
Worried bearded 50-something: Yeah, but how are we going to film an anal birth!?
–F Train
Street vendor selling his wares: I will shove your foot up the devil's ass!
–St Mark's Place
Yankee stadium employee yelling to another: Hey, wouldja bend over for a minute? I'll be right back!
–Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: torrie
Gay teen: His hole was as big as a traffic cone!
–1st & 14th
Sinfully ugly girl: I have to stop putting things in my ass.
–forever 21 (queens center mall)
Overheard by: defragment my harddrive
Principal: And can anyone tell me what is so significant about Barack Obama becoming president today?
Five-year-old: He's the first brown president.
–P.S. 290
Overheard by: TA who hears everything
