‘Cause If It Is, I’ve Got Plans!

College intern hitting friend with magic wand: Naked Bitch with big titties.
Little kid: Is that a real magic wand?!

–FAO Schwartz

Posted on April 4, 2022
Default, Etiquette, Kids, Magic, Questions, Store, Upper East Side, Yeaaahhh College!

But All I Said Was, I Hate The Hills!

Yelling wife: You made a promise. You're my husband.
Husband: Can we do this later?
Yelling wife: No, I made the worst mistake of my life marrying you. Take your ring… go.

–F Train

Posted on April 4, 2022
Couples, Default, Insults, Marriage, Men, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Questions, Relationships, Women

Depends– Will You Eat It Wearing That Shirt?

Ghetto guy #1: Yo man, you know what I want right now?
Ghetto guy #2: Pussy?
Ghetto guy #1: Naw man, one of those falafels.
Ghetto guy #2: Not pussy?
Ghetto guy #1, lifting hands up like scale: Man, falafel. Pussy. Pussy. Falafel. I'd take that falafel any day. (pause) Does that make me gay?

–Q Train

Posted on March 31, 2022
Ethnic Food, Gangstas, Gays and Lesbians, On the Subway, Questions, Vagina

Ashley, We're White!

Thuggette to random Latina girl: That's right, keep walkin' bitch! I'll throw yo' ass in the trash right 'bout now!
Thug: Can't we act civilized just for like, five minutes?
Thuggette: Fuck you, nigga!

–Times Square Subway Station

Overheard by: Tim

Posted on March 30, 2022
Default, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, Insults, Offers and requests, Questions, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Thugs, Times Square, Violence

Make Womb for Wednesday One-Liners

Suit on phone: I don't think she knows. (pause) But it's just a night job! (pause) No, there's no way I'm pregnant. (pause) Why not?! Because I'm a man, goddammit!

–Starbucks

Woman on cell: So remember that time I thought I had that miscarriage?

–Grand Concourse & Fordham Road

Overheard by: Erica S

Slightly overweight girl: Thank you for the offer, sweetie, but I'm not pregnant. I'm just fat!

–M100 Bus

Overheard by: Tinathetiny

Tall girl on cell: No way! I thought *you* were going to impregnate *me*. I wanna have *your* children.

–Prince & Broadway

Overheard by: Ken Paprocki

Posted on March 20, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bus, Diet/Weight, Fat People, Gender issues, Girls, Jobs & Careers, Kids, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Soho, Starbucks, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Bronx, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Extra Points to Those Readers Who Can Remember the Actor's Name.

Man #1, pointing to hobo with Down's Syndrome: Hey, that's that one guy from that tv show…
Man #2: Who? That bum?
Man #1: Yeah, that's that whatsits–that Corky guy. Y'know, with the mongoloid syndrome.
Man #2: Wow…

–Houston & Varick

Overheard by: Houston Lunch

Posted on March 20, 2022
Homeless, Men, Questions, Retardation, The Village, TV

Already Taken Care Of

Clerk #1: Did you know that there are a whole bunch of copies of Atlas Shrugged in the Bestsellers section?
Clerk #2: Yeah.
Clerk #1: Is it okay if I pee on them?

–Info desk, Strand Bookstore