Questions

Antarctica Doesn't Look a Day Over a Billion

Girl #1, holding bottle of water: Do you think this water is bad?
Girl #2: How long have you had it for?
Girl #1: I don't know, I found it in my freezer.
Girl #2: No, it's probably good, freezing things keep them fresh.

–9th St & Ave A

Headline by: Nick Pollotta

Runners-Up:
· “…. According to the Jeffrey Dahmer Cookbook” – the amoeba
· “As I Learned at Grave-Digging Camp” – Muse on the Loose
· “But Just to Be Safe, I Would Boil It” – Max Million
· “Every Night I Put My Pussy on Ice” – DickintheHandisWorthTwoBushes
· “Just Ask Walt Disney’s Head” – PeterG
· “Just Look What It Does for Nipples!” – Nick Pollotta
· “Water, Sperm, Human Hearts…” – loves fresh sperm, personally

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday, with a One-Liner Chaser

Female day-drinking tourist: Oh shit, I left my vodka in the church!

–Outside Trinity Church

Man on cell: If it's possible to ferment it, we have fermented it.

–7th St b/w 2nd & 3rd Ave

Middle-aged man to younger man: You know how cats and dogs–they eat and then they go? In one end and out the other. I'm like that. My bladder has room for the equivalent of one good cocktail.

–10th Ave and W 50th St

Overheard by: Ah….middle age

Commuter at 8 am: Beer. Beer.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: baconista

Old drunk walking into a liquor store, to clerk: Have you got my prescription?

–Broadway & 106th St

Overheard by: rickbruner

You Also Thought That About Abraham Lincoln

Dumb chick #1: What are those Jewish people with the curls called?
Dumb chick #2: I think they're called “aesthetic Jews.” Or “hestetic Jews.”
Dumb chick #1: Oh. I though they were Amish.

–Elevator, Midtown Building

Overheard by: I know what they're called

It’s Even Funnier If They Had

Doorman: Where is the building you’re looking for?
Lady: It’s on 40th.
Doorman: 40th and what?
Lady: I’m almost positive they said between Sixth and Avenue of the Americas.

–40th between 5th & 6th

Overheard by: conor hogan

And the Gypsies Just Aren’t Nabbing Them Like They Used to

Flustered woman, about her brood: Have we lost anyone yet?
Husband: Ummm… No.
Flustered woman: Well, who are we going to lose first? Because we haven’t lost anyone yet.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Josh

Headline by: Aeirlys

Runners-Up:
· “Because Abortion THIS Late in the Term Is Just Tacky” – Hillary Claire
· “Hobos Aren’t Born. They’re Made.” – Krisztina
· “It Looked So Much Easier in Home Alone” – You Don’t Want To Know
· “Things Were Shaky Until Fraulein Maria Came Along” – allison
· “Two Roads Diverged in the Woods – I Chose the One My Children Couldn’t Travel” – Drewp

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

You'd Get Tired Of Them in a Week, Same As the Rest of Us

Little girl, happily: And that's why I want to die.
Father, laughing: Why's that?
Little girl: So I can join the Grateful Dead!

–City Hall

I Mean, Who Wants to See Seussical the Musical?

Girl #1: I met a guy. He's paying for tickets.
Girl #2: Oh, does he have money?
Girl #1: Of course! I wouldn't do it otherwise.

–Forest Hills

It's Like My Parents' Custody Battle All Over Again

Hipster, walking to registers with an armload of toothpaste: Who wants me?
Cashiers: (stare blankly, not moving)
Hipster: What, no one wants me? Ah, damn. That's sad.

–Duane Reade

But the Mannequins Have Better Legs Than I Do!

Woman: Where is the men section?
Employee: This is the men section.
Woman: Oh, wow!

–Express For Him

Overheard by: Express

If It Were Up to Me, We Would've “Accidentally” Left Them Home Alone

Flight attendant: In case of an emergency, please place the oxygen mask on yourself first. You may then help your favorite child or the one with the most potential.
Well dressed father: Which one would that be?
Bored mother: Neither.

–JFK

Overheard by: Glad my kids weren't with me

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