Mother: Do you sell M&M booty shorts for little girls?
Cashier: Um… No.
Mother: Oh well… thank you.
–M&M’s World
Mother: Do you sell M&M booty shorts for little girls?
Cashier: Um… No.
Mother: Oh well… thank you.
–M&M’s World
Drunk chick #1: I got sandwiches! This one has turkey and Grenada cheese.
Drunk chick #2: Did you just say “vagina cheese”?
Drunk chick #1: No, *Grenada* cheese.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Alex Remnick
Test-taker: What happens if we don’t know our social security number?
Proctor, in thick Russian accent: Then we dismiss your test and eat you alive!
–Edward R. Murrow High, Brooklyn
Overheard by: melanie
Young lady: I'm making a documentary on Park Slope. May I ask you why you are sitting on your umbrella? I can understand sitting under your umbrella, because it's sunny…
Young girl: In case there's a flood, I'll be able to float away.
Young lady: Do you expect there to be a flood today?
Young girl: I expect there to be a flood every day. But I'm from Miami…
–Union St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: nicole p
Teen daughter: Dad, what do you think we might see when we get there?
Straight-faced dad: Naked lady on a white horse.
Red-faced mom, after long pause: No.
Dad: What? When’s the last time you saw a white horse?
–A train
Bag check guy: I want your bag.
Comic book chick: Pardon?
Bag check guy: You know the rules. Give me your bag.
Comic book chick: Sorry, I didn’t know I had to check this.
Bag check guy: What did you think, that I’m just some crazy black man sitting up here harassing people?
Comic book chick: Could be.
Bag check guy: That’s true.
–Forbidden Planet, 13th Street
Flirtatious girl, about photo in fashion magazine: Do you think she's hot?
Embarrassed boy: She's quite attractive.
Flirtatious girl: Do you like her tits?
Embarrassed boy: Turn the page, please.
Flirtatious girl: Would you bang her?
Embarrassed boy: I would.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: Sunny
Guy: I'd like the two-for-one sundae deal.
Employee, agitated: It's not two-for-one!
Guy: It's not?
Employee: It's “buy one, get one free”!
–6th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Nacci
Ditzy runner #1: So I was like “did you use your juicer?” and he was like “yeah, but it went bad” and I was like “how did it go bad?” and he was like “well, I juiced a potato!”
Ditzy runner #2: A potato?
Ditzy runner #1, pleased with her story: a potato.
–Central Park, During JP Morgan Chase 5K Run
Teen girl: I was so mad at him that I unfriended him on Facebook.
Friend: What does that mean?
Teen girl: I was mad, but not mad enough to break up. This way we can still message each other, but he can't poke me anymore.
Friend: So, technically, would this be symbolic or metaphorical action?
Teen girl: What?
Friend: Nevermind.
–Penn Station
