Flyer guy: Hey, wanna see a comedy show? (two snotty girls ignore him) Hey, you like to laugh?
Snotty girls: No!
Flyer guy: Ah, you're miserable. Heading back to Staten Island?
–Times Square
Flyer guy: Hey, wanna see a comedy show? (two snotty girls ignore him) Hey, you like to laugh?
Snotty girls: No!
Flyer guy: Ah, you're miserable. Heading back to Staten Island?
–Times Square
Middle-aged frat boy #1: So one night, we decided to sleep at Arby's.
Middle-aged frat boy #2: So how did that work out for you?
Middle-aged frat boy #1: Not well. We had to leave. Bob could have blown like a .4, and he was the most sober of us. So he drove to this hotel, and we didn't notice until the next day that it was Punxsutawney where the groundhog is! We woke up and were like, “why are there all these beavers?”
–7 Train
Overheard by: D-Law
Library staff: Was there brain damage?
Library work-study: Er, no.
Library staff: Well, then! How badly can you get hurt by getting hit in the head with a beer bottle?
–Fordham University Library
Frat dude to girlfriend, after 20 minutes of drunken heavy petting: So, are we gonna have some anal sex tonight?!
Drunk chick: I don't…really do that.
–D Train
Child, reading: Be…kind…to…furry…
Mom: A-ni-mals.
Child: Why?
Mom: You have to be kind to all animals, so people don't think you're crazy and a psychopath.
–Q Train
(three men hail a taxi and get in)
Girl: Hey, I was over there waiting for a long time. May I have your cab?
Guy #1: Are you serious?
Girl: Yes, I was on the other corner, waiting.
Guy #2 (laughing in her face): Are you fucking serious, lady?
Girl: Buy I was on the other corner waiting for a long time.
Guy #3: Oh, well! You were on the other corner, kiddo. Get more aggressive.
Girl: But guys… I was waiting…
Guy #1 (as taxi leaves): Courtesy, bitch.
–14th & 2nd
Overheard by: Luke
Queer: I hate that I missed your birthday.
Artsy girl: Brad, you were at my 21st birthday party. You gave me that paint-it-yourself Menorah.
Queer (laughing): Oh yeah… Did you ever paint it? Do you still have it?
Artsy girl: Actually, it broke. Lee gave me these thongs as a present, and they somehow got all tangled up and it fell…
Queer: Wait… Are you telling me my Menorah died by thong?
–M Train
Overheard by: Not such a bad way to go
Guy #1: Hey, what did you do this weekend?
Guy #2: Dude, I bought a crock pot.
Guy #1: Awesome.
–80 Hansen Pl, Brookyln
Well-dressed young black guy: Excuse me sir, do you happen to have a cigarette?
Surfer guy: Motherfucker, you’re in New York City. Of course I have a cigarette.
–13th & Broadway
Overheard by: rpk
Guy: Why would I struggle with a bigger woman?
Friend: Because you are not agile!
–49th & 3rd
