Hipster #1: So, I’m going to buy a place. I can’t afford much, but I’m totally willing to go ghetto.
Hipster #2: Really? You know you can get some pretty good deals a few stops on the G line.
Hipster #1: Dude! I said I was willing to go ghetto, not live on the G!
–Metropolitan & Lorimer, Brooklyn
Overheard by: JP
Guy #1: You know it’s just a name the real estate agents came up with so they could raise the rents.
Guy #2: What?
Guy #1: Red Hook.
–B61 bus
Overheard by: Becca McLean
Girl on cell: I shit you not, it was a small studio apartment converted into a four bedroom on the 6th floor.
–47th & 9th
Fat suit on cell: How many people play the drums in Poland, really?…What? Wow. Cool. Well, plenty of time to practice I guess.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Max T-M
MTV chick: When I used to read, I went from the last chapter to the first.
–MTV cafeteria
Hipster: They’re always on the same train, so the first time you give them money, then remember your face. Every time you get on the train after that, they’ll follow you around. It’s like having your own 6-foot pet!
–1 train
Overheard by: spike
Man #1: …and on the top floor, they sell condos.
Man #2: What is that, like a building?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: jbay
Customer: I’m looking for a kitchen table, some chairs, and a coffee table.
Sales guy: Wow, your place must be very big!
Customer: Not really. That’s about all that will fit.
–Surprise! Surprise! store, East Village
Chick complaining about looking for roommates: The problem with today is that everybody’s Jewish.
–Dobbin & Norman
Overheard by: Sam Tresler
Young quasi-gangster to friends: Even if you’re not Jewish, you’re, like… Jewish.
–Post-Yankees game on B train
Overheard by: Indiana
Tourist chick: How, how, how can there be no Jewish deli? All I want is a tongue sandwich and a fucking piece of pizza!
–Grand Central Station
Overheard by: X-tal
Lady suit: Are you saying you’d rather be with a Jewish person than a wife-beater?
–18th & 6th
Overheard by: emily
JAP: Shiksas are totally not allowed on Jdate!
–71st & Columbus
Overheard by: DebDan
Chick in stall to friend: It must be a Jewish thing, but whenever there’s food around I have to eat it — even if I’m not hungry.
–Restroom, Loews Cinema, 11th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Em
Queer: No, like, of course you’re not Jewish. I just wanted to check before I dissed the Jews.
–113th & Broadway
Overheard by: hilla
Obese white trash wife in housewares aisle: If we had a real house, I’d decorate it like crazy.
Obese white trash husband: Yeah…
–Target
Broker: This is not a pet-friendly property.
Girl: Does it matter if my cat is toilet-trained?
Broker: I don’t understand.
Girl: My cat doesn’t have a litter box. It uses the toilet. Does that help?
Broker: I am not sure if that makes a difference. How did you do it?
Girl: I used a training kit. CitiKitty.
Broker: It might impress the owner, but I am not sure it makes a difference. Does your cat flush?
Girl: It will if that helps me get the apartment.
–82nd & Columbus
Black guy #1, noticing white guy walking down the street: Aw, man!
Black guy #2: There goes the neighborhood.
White guy: This is the cheapest rent in the city. You better believe my people are going to start moving here.
–Franklin Ave, Brooklyn
Girl: But can’t the police seize it if it’s a crime scene?
Logistical genius: If the police could seize a crime scene, no one in Brooklyn would have a house.
–Backyard barbeque, Fort Greene
Overheard by: inge
