Ghetto girl #1: He was like, ‘I wanna see yo shirt on my bedroom floor’ and I was like, ‘Is this a proposition?’ and he was like, ‘What proposition?’ and I was like, ‘Where’s my ring?’ and he was like, ‘Yo, bitch, I didn’t steal any ring!’ And then he just left.
Ghetto girl #2: I’m gonna say this cause you’re my friend: You’re soooo ghetto.
–Port Authority
Guy #1: That’s how you would get a hook-up easy.
Guy #2: Hanging out with a retard?
Guy #1: Everybody, and I mean everybody, knew him. If you hung out with Cooper, you instantly got props or something.
Blonde, laughing: Yeah, that’s all guys need to get girls — puppies, babies or retards.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: MastahD
Guy on phone: Listen, dude. Whenever you hang out with me again, don’t bring your wife. She’s a bitch.
–42nd & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Maria
Homeless man on cell: The brother needs to know when to wear a rubber, man. That’s some easy pussy. The bitch just needs a crib to bang in.
–Lafayette & Broadway
Queer: That bitch called me and was like, ‘I swallowed a bunch of pills.’ And I’m like, ‘Obviously that shit didn’t work, now did it — if your ass is calling me? You need to get yourself into the Drano. I’ll wait on the line while you do.’
–W 4th & 6th
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Gangster girl to gangster boyfriend: I hope I don’t have to fight nobody on this train or else I’ll go Jet Li on this bitch.
–D Train
Overheard by: Kate
Woman: Stand clear of the closing doors. Please don’t hold the doors unless you wanna get bitch-slapped.
–A Train
Overheard by: Josh H
Black man on cell: Alright, you go take a shower and wash that kitty cat real good. [Hangs up] Right, that bitch never fuckin’ do nothin’.
–Metro North train to Grand Central
Overheard by: pepepepepe!
Eight-year-old girl trying to catch up to group of girls her age: Wait up, bitches! Wait up, you bitches! [Girls don’t wait for her] Beeyotches!
–91st & 2nd
Art magazine-type girl #1: I guess some guy was touching her ass.
Art magazine-type girl #2: What? I can’t believe it. I’ve been riding the 4 and the 5 for like, six years, and no one ever touches my ass.
Art magazine-type girl #1: Really? I don’t know. Maybe when it gets warmer you should wear a sarong. I definitely get felt up more when I wear a sarong.
Art magazine-type girl #2: OK, I will.
–Park Ave. South & 21st
Super thin model/actress on cell: Urrgghhh!!! Jonathan left me again [pause] I can’t believe it. [pause] For being too anorexic! Yeah, I thought being anorexic would be hot but apparently I’m now too anorexic.
–Union Square
Overheard by: benji
Hobo: Hey girl, wanna marry me?
Girl: [whispering] No, sorry.
Hobo: YES OR NO? Damnit, I don’t have forever.
–38th & 8th
Hipster guy: Last night my girlfriend called me Caligula.
Chick: That’s really scary, ’cause he was crazy and evil. Why did she call you Caligula?
Hipster guy: I don’t know. I mean, I guess I could understand if she was talking about his big cock.
–Office, 84th & 3rd
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.
Girl #1: I’m funny.
Girl #2: No you’re not.
Girl #1: Yes I am. Everyone says I’m hilarious.
Girl #2: Of course they do. That’s because you aren’t pretty.
–Virgin, Union Square
Overheard by: djlindee
Girl on cell: He's thinking of moving to Queens, and really I don't think we're going to be able to last through that.
–1 New York Plaza
Pretty 20-something on phone: So, I mean, I totally have a newfound appreciation for homicidal rages. Who the hell would ditch me for some ugly fag from Queens? Seriously, I should kill him. Or, just leave him in Queens…forever. Would that be a war crime?
–Wall Street
Overheard by: …I almost asked
30-something suit to another: I'll tell you though, it's not easy getting laid in Queens.
–Court St. & Montague
Overheard by: Kaiti
Enthusiastic, articulate conductor: As you can see, we're at the 21st Street stop! This is the first stop in Queens, soooo welcome to Queens! The next and final stop on this train is Courthouse Square. Now that we all know, let's be on our way!
–G Train
Overheard by: I wish this guy narrated all of my subway trips
Girl's in Queens for the first time: you can order milkshakes and cigarettes from the diner any time of night? This place is a fucking wonderland!
–Queens
Blonde: Yeah, so I talked to him on the phone about three weeks ago, and he was saying how we haven’t chilled ’cause he’s been in and out of court… I don’t know. I wish he’d call.
Brunette: Hey, maybe he’s in jail.
Blonde: Damn… I still didn’t get my lighter back!
–Park Slope
