I'm Not a Wednesday One-Liner — You're a Turkey!

Hootchie, about subway smell: It smells like gooood chicken in here. Like McDonald's.

–86th St Subway Platform

Overheard by: EthanK

Barnard girl, indignantly: Chickens don't have thighs!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: The Thighless Wonder

Kid to friends: Oh, shit! I forgot there's a chicken in my backpack!

–Canal St Subway Station

Overheard by: Mel

Cracked out lady on one crutch to cashier: Do you guys still carry like, hamburgers and chicken sandwiches and stuff?

–McDonald's

Overheard by: Ben

Perspiring panhandler on definitely non-organic substances holding a can and singing: I love chickennn…chicken breastsss and thighhhs…chicken heads…mmmmmmm…I love them goooood (keeps going) Thank you. (extends his can for donations)

–7 Train

Overheard by: OG Bergenfield

Woman on phone with friend: I mean he wouldn't even cut my chicken in half for me at dinner. I was all givin' him shit for it. We got in this fight and I told him, "That's what people do to show each other that they care! They cut each other's chicken in half or make them a can of soup or whateva'!" You know what I'm sayin'?

–88th St & Broadway

Posted on October 1, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Birds, Body Parts, Columbia, Columbia (& Barnard), Compare/Contrast, Food, Girls, Homeless, Hootchies, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, Panhandling, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Weirdness, Women, Words

…on Easter Morning

Guy (smelling weed, to male friend): Hey man, you smell that?
Girl: Yeah, it smells like my dad.

–Terminal 5

Overheard by: Adam

Posted on September 28, 2008
Compare/Contrast, Default, Girls, Guys, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Parents, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Theater, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liner Are Better Than “Teen Spirit”

Lively black man: My sense of smell is back. I can smell pussy again!

–LIRR

Overheard by: meg

Black girl on cell: …you know it smells like straight bootymeat!

–Times Square

Overheard by: patrick

Obese black woman wearing skin-tight World’s #1 Dad t-shirt: This train smells like urine.

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: World’s #2 Dad

Guy on cell: Baby, all I’m saying is when you came home last night, you smelled like another dude!

–107th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: HuntingSnark

Woman to male friend: I’ll just have to call you "anus breath" from now on.

–Jewish Theological Seminary, 122nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Sticking to mouthwash from now on

Woman: I smell dick. (licks her hand, sniffs it) Sho ’nuff!

–R Train

Posted on July 9, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asshole, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Fat People, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Gripes, Guys, Happiness, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Men, Nicknames & name calling, On Cell, On the Subway, Pee, Public Transportation, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Sexuality, Times Square, Trains Not Subway, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Weirdness, Women

How Come Roasting Nuts Aren’t Gross When Nat King Cole Sings About Them?

Male suit: Ugh! What is that smell?
Female suit: It’s from the nut guy.
Male suit: Who?
Female suit: The nut guy. He’s over there selling warm, roasted nuts. He’s nuts for nuts!
Male suit: Oh. Man, it’s freezing out here! I wish someone would roast my nuts!
Female suit: Don’t be gross! There’s kids around!
Male suit: Yeah, what’s up with all these kids? What is up with 5th avenue?
Female suit: I think it’s a school trip. They’re here to see the tree.
Male suit: That’s fucking dumb! Their asses need to be in school!
Female suit: Wow, you’re unpleasant!
Male suit: Screw you! You’re nuts for my nuts!

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Juan Chung

Posted on June 13, 2008
Default, Education, Etiquette, Food, Men, Questions, Rockefeller Center, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Suits, Women, Words

Why We Named Her “Nagasaki”

Girl: God, that dog’s farts are disgusting.
Guy: Yea, her ass smells like World War II.

–M Train

Overheard by: Jonathan V.

Posted on June 9, 2008
Animals & Nature, Ass, Compare/Contrast, Default, Farting & Burping, Girls, Gripes, Guys, History & Geography, On the Subway, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences

I Fear You May Not Be Ready for Staten Island

Little kid: Mommy, what is that smell?
Mom: Yes, dear. There are all kinds of smells in NYC! Is the smell bad!?
Little kid: Yes!

–51st St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Mena Mansour

Posted on June 5, 2008
Default, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Moms, Questions, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences

Which Came First, Wednesday, or the One-Liner?

Girl: As long as I don’t get that anthrax thingy I’m cool with the chicken.

–Elevator 112 west 34th st

Overheard by: Rebecca

Five-year-old: Why do babies look like chickens?

–Nederlander Theatre

Overheard by: Jordan

Man explaining menu to wife: You know fried chicken: the chicken with the crust.

–Virgils BBQ, 44th St

Overheard by: fish

Teacher, after seeing one of her seven-year-old students smell an empty subway seat: Sienna, there are 10,000 people a day sitting in that very seat. What do you think it would smell like? Chicken?

–F Train

Overheard by: Marlene Saunders

Woman to man: Everyone loves when you throw the chicken.

–Court & Joralemon, Brooklyn Heights

Posted on May 21, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Babies, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Elevators, Fears, Food, Girls, Illness, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Teachers/Professors, Theater, Threats, Women, Words

Now– Who Wants to Give Us Shit for Striking?

Conductor: [Steps out of the booth.] People, let me tell you about the day I’ve been having. Hold on. [Makes an announcement and steps back out.] First of all, we get a report that there are two men making love in the last train and have to go in there to break it up. Then we get two homeless women in here with all their bags and this lady all throwing a fit because they smell. The homeless woman says to her: “You better be getting out of my face!” and the yelling lady tries to grab her bags, she pulls out pepper spray and gets her right in the face! Hold on [Jumps back into booth.] and this lady right, she has her arms out in front of her face like this [crosses arms] like she got the power of Christ to protect her. We had the cops waiting at the next station and everything.

–A Train

Posted on May 10, 2008
Cops, Default, Fighting and ass kicking, Gays and Lesbians, Homeless, Jesus, On the Subway, Only in New York, Public Transportation, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Subway conductors, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Liners Are in Dire Need of a Glade Plug-In

Drunk, angry Puerto Rican girl to boyfriend: You had to make me smell like fuckin’ Chinese food on new year’s eve!

–Grand St & Graham Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: someone who happily had a different New Year’s date, and wonders whether there is a Designer Imposters version of such a scent.

Disgusted McDonald’s patron: This shit smells worse than a hobo’s taint!

–14 & Broadway

Overheard by: Shemp

Man, entering subway car: Son, it smells like home depot in here.

–4 Train

Drunk sorostitute on cell: It smelled fine. It was just a febreeze gone awry!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Queer: I can’t wait to move out of this decrepit office building. A couple of days ago a mouse died in the walls -you remember what that smells like. The guys in the office said: "Maybe it’ll go away after a week," but I told them it’s just going to get worse, so now they want to bring in some awful air freshener thing. Someone is already spraying that stuff in the men’s room, and it’s got a nasty artificial orange scent, so it smells like someone shat on a fruit basket.

–28th & Park

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Girl with a huge ugly weave: I smell fried chicken! [Pauses.] … Oh, it’s prolly me. [Keeps walking.]

–Library, Washington Irving High School

Posted on April 30, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Death, Drunks, Ethnic Food, Fruit, Girls, Gripes, Holidays, Homeless, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Junk Food & Fast Food, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Puerto Ricans, Queer guys, Scents of the City, Sensory Experiences, Sorority Girls, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Weirdness

Scents of the City